An Early Christmas Wish

Dear God,

Do you in your all-knowingness remember the Dustin Hoffman movie, Who's Harry Kellerman and Why is He Saying Those Terrible Things about Me? It was a 1971 movie, released two short years after Midnight Cowboy, so Hoffman probably had his original nose when he played the role of George Soloway. George is an intensely neurotic songwriter who believes his reputation is being destroyed by some pervert named Harry Kellerman, who calls around saying "terrible things" about George to all of the important people in George's life. It turns out, of course, that Harry is George. Deluded beyond recognition, his own words and actions are destroying him and he doesn't even know it.

Ditto for Entergy Corporation.

And I don't say that lightly, because my whole career is in their hands. And I need this job. I like the money. I like my medical benefits. I like the company cafeteria. I even like my bosses. They like me, too—I think. Or maybe they don't.

You see, I'm having a crisis of confidence because I've checked my traffic log and discovered that my bosses at Entergy have become far more frequent readers of my prayers than I'd ever imagined they'd be, as have people from Burson Marsteller, the high-priced firm that oversees the efforts of company PR guys like me. Am I being overly sensitive or is that a little disturbing? I mean, I get that they might want to read my email and interoffice memos. Bosses do that. But my prayers? I imagine my bosses and the BM-ers reading my prayers and carping to each other about what damage my private frettings to my God would do to the company's good name if I were to forget my manners and open my big mouth like that to the newspapers.

"Who does he think he is?" I imagine them shouting.

Anyway, when I think about them shouting about MY deportment I want to SHOUT AT THEM that THEIR manners have been horrible! For example: What do you call it when you assure a public board about the adequacy of a decommissioning fund that isn't, actually, adequate? BAD MANNERS! The company is ruining its own good name. Lying. Is. A. Reputation. Spoiler.

Lord, my single favorite scene in Who's Harry Kellerman and Why is He Saying Those Terrible Things about Me? has George (who, I forgot to mention, routinely hallucinates) running madly through a subway tunnel, frantically trying to figure out who is ruining his life. He encounters his psychiatrist, who is dressed as Santa Claus.

Santa says, "Ho, ho, ho, Nutsy Person! What would you like for Christmas?"

Harry collects himself and reasonably states, "I would like a new start and a day without fear."

Santa says, "Too bad, Nutsy Person. You get a choo-choo train."

A laugh riot, but I guess you had to be there.

Anyway, Lord, Christmas is coming and I'm one sad elf. The "Ten Best Things about Working for Vermont Yankee" don't feel very "best" anymore. I feel disdain from my bosses. I feel sneered at by the people in my community for the creepy company I'm keeping. For the record, what I want for Christmas is a new start and a day without fear.

Come to think of it, that may be what my bosses hope most for, too.

Love,

Fake-Rob