Friday, June 26, 2009

RIP Michael

Dear God,

It's truly sad that Michael Jackson has gone, for once he was just a little boy with real sweetness and a powerful voice. But you know, you can have all the live-in doctors that you want, but turning your face into that of a monster's, surrounding yourself with syncophants, and ignoring health problems that clearly need attention is going to catch up with you.

And so Michael Jackson has died and many, many people are beside themselves with grief. In the meanwhile, I'm feeling pretty good. Because as closely as we at Entergy Vermont Yankee match the worst things about his profile (monstrous looking, syncophant-sourrounded, and staffed and tended by people purposefully ignoring warning signs) we haven't died. In fact, we've repaired our most recent leak! So that's great news!

Deepak Chopra wrote a bit of a eulogy for Michael, and in it he said that what began for Michael as idiosyncrasy was ravaged by obsessions, paranoia, and isolation.

I think even Michael's biggest defenders would not quarrel with that. And, God, I'm happy to report that we may be monstrous looking and syncophant sourrounded etc., but we're much, much healthier than Michael. Yes, what began for us as idiosyncracy—in our case, a desire to produce cheap, clean energy and a belief that we knew how—was eventually ravaged by greed, paranoia, and isolation. But Michael had only one live-in doctor, and we've got a whole crew of maintenance guys.

In fact, I'd say we're looking pretty good right about now. Feeling good, too. Governor Douglas is still going to the mat for us. The embarrassing decommissioning fund problems we've been having have been revealed to be fairly typical of our industry. And cooling towers? Hah! Who can remember cooling towers when it's summertime and the living is easy! That and the news cycles have been grabbed by Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett-Major, and Michael Jackson.

You know what, Lord? I'm so glad that public attention has been "stolen" by entertainment industry tragedies that I'm going to take off not just the evening but the entire weekend! The whole bunch of us in PR is going to run around happy as celebrities in short skirts and no underpants. Let's hope, though, that no papparazi get a shot up our skirts. 'Cause under them are a host of condenser problems, financial concerns, political folderol, and maybe even some drug and gambling problems that we'd rather keep tucked away.

In the meanwhile, it's "Don't cry for us, Elizabeth Taylor!"



Friday, June 12, 2009

I Can See Russia from the Fenceline!

Dear God,

Actually, I can't see Russia from within our current perimeter. And that's a problem I'm working on. If Entergy Vermont Yankee and I have our way, the plant's fenceline will be within whisper distance to our neighbors to the northwestoreast, wherever Russia happens to be at the moment.

What am I going on about? I'm talking about America. American values. American ingenuity. Um. There's more than one American way to torture an innocent cat. If the fenceline dose is too high, move the fenceline!

And that's what we're going to do. Screw political correctness. And screw the elementary school across the street, while you're at it.

My Hero



Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Condenser Leaks Are the New Black

Dear God,

Just saying. We were warned by Arnie Gundersen during the uprate hearings that our condenser is so old and decrepit it's lucky to withstand gravity. So now that we've sprung another condenser leak—and the one from April of 2008 has yet to be found and fixed—we'd better make them look less like pestilence and more like a fashion choice. Here goes:


  • Indian Point gets them.

  • Davis-Besse gets them.

  • Angelina Jolie gets them.

And it's not like they're dangerous or anything. Worst thing that can happen may be that our condenser gets flooded by river water, ruined, and we close down the plant for good and stick the state of Vermont with a huge decommissioning liability.

And if we can't succeed with the "fashion choice" tactic, I'm hoping maybe we can get people to think about condenser leaks along the same lines that they're thinking about Prince's double hip replacement.

"Prince—So Hip He Needs Two New Ones."

You see, Prince, like us, is refusing to put time and money into maintenance. He just can't seem to do the necessary repairs. From

"He’s in a lot of pain,” said a source who was backstage with him … at the Apollo. “He’s popping pain killers and hoping it will all go away."

So are we.