RIP Michael

Dear God,

It's truly sad that Michael Jackson has gone, for once he was just a little boy with real sweetness and a powerful voice. But you know, you can have all the live-in doctors that you want, but turning your face into that of a monster's, surrounding yourself with syncophants, and ignoring health problems that clearly need attention is going to catch up with you.

And so Michael Jackson has died and many, many people are beside themselves with grief. In the meanwhile, I'm feeling pretty good. Because as closely as we at Entergy Vermont Yankee match the worst things about his profile (monstrous looking, syncophant-sourrounded, and staffed and tended by people purposefully ignoring warning signs) we haven't died. In fact, we've repaired our most recent leak! So that's great news!

Deepak Chopra wrote a bit of a eulogy for Michael, and in it he said that what began for Michael as idiosyncrasy was ravaged by obsessions, paranoia, and isolation.

I think even Michael's biggest defenders would not quarrel with that. And, God, I'm happy to report that we may be monstrous looking and syncophant sourrounded etc., but we're much, much healthier than Michael. Yes, what began for us as idiosyncracy—in our case, a desire to produce cheap, clean energy and a belief that we knew how—was eventually ravaged by greed, paranoia, and isolation. But Michael had only one live-in doctor, and we've got a whole crew of maintenance guys.

In fact, I'd say we're looking pretty good right about now. Feeling good, too. Governor Douglas is still going to the mat for us. The embarrassing decommissioning fund problems we've been having have been revealed to be fairly typical of our industry. And cooling towers? Hah! Who can remember cooling towers when it's summertime and the living is easy! That and the news cycles have been grabbed by Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett-Major, and Michael Jackson.

You know what, Lord? I'm so glad that public attention has been "stolen" by entertainment industry tragedies that I'm going to take off not just the evening but the entire weekend! The whole bunch of us in PR is going to run around happy as celebrities in short skirts and no underpants. Let's hope, though, that no papparazi get a shot up our skirts. 'Cause under them are a host of condenser problems, financial concerns, political folderol, and maybe even some drug and gambling problems that we'd rather keep tucked away.

In the meanwhile, it's "Don't cry for us, Elizabeth Taylor!"

Amen,

Fake-Rob