Lying Has Been Bery, Bery Good to Me

Dear God,

Some people want to call me and even the entire managerial staff at Entergy Vermont Yankee to task for some of the truth-stretching we've done in making claims about radiation safety, structural integrity, the soundness of our plan to store high-level radioactive waste near the flood plain, the integrity of our security force, the adequacy of the decommissioning fund, and the impact on safety of our occasionally drug- or alcohol-impaired employees. But, Lord, you can tell all of those people concerned about health and safety to rest easy. Because it turns out that, by stretching the truth, we've been chalking up another mark of evidence of the Entergy Vermont Yankee commitment to health and safety! Or, as the New York Times recently explained, lying can be Step Number One on the path to self-improvement.

The popular notion of a pathological liar is of a person plagued by the anxiety necessary to "cover" the lie. But, according to the Times, as long as the lie tangentially relates to the truth of the matter, lying doesn't necessarily increase anxiety in the liar. Indeed, lies often reflect "positive goals for the future" and liars often work to "live up to the enhanced self-images they project." And that can only be good, especially around here.

This means that:

• By claiming despite all evidence and despite plain common sense that the constant stream of radiation emitted by the plant has no adverse health consequences, we are reaching towards our goal of protecting the children of Vernon Elementary School (literally across the street from the plant and in the age bracket that makes them highly vulnerable to radiation-induced cancer) from radiation-induced cancer.
  
• By assuring the public that the cooling towers are structurally sound, we know we one day might make them structurally sound.
  
• By claiming that an 18-inch margin of safety in our plan to store high-level radioactive waste near the oft-flooded river is safe, we are reversing global warming, making it safe (in this era of rising sea and river levels) to put that waste pretty much anywhere we please.
  
• By believing in the Wackenhut security company, employees of which have been caught sleeping en masse at the Peach Bottom nuclear power plant, abandoning posts, disassembling their arms, and allegedly even participating in the repeated rape of a 14-year old, we have given that firm and its employees confidence in their ability to secure our future.
  
• By saying that half a decommissioning fund is decommissioning fund enough, we have changed the nature of money.
  
• And by waving on concerns about our occasionally drug- or alcohol-impaired employees, we have given pot and booze the good names they have long deserved.
  

Amen, Lord. It's nice to know we've gotten something right for a change.

Fake-Rob