I Came, I Saw, I Thought 'No Big Deal'

Dear God,

I told you a blonde joke once before, Lord, when I thought it relevant to our dire PR situation here at Vermont Yankee. You gave no celestial sign of having been offended, perhaps because I specifically asked you to substitute the term "trusting Vermonters" wherever you saw the word "blonde." So I will risk telling another blonde joke. This time, as before, please substitute "trusting Vermonters" for the word blonde, and throw in an obsequieous reference to people living nearby in Massachusetts and New Hampshire.

On a flight from New York to Paris, soon after take-off the pilot announces: "I'm sorry, but we have lost one of our engines. Subsequently, we will arrive in Paris approximately half an hour late."

A few minutes later, he comes on again:

"Hate to disappoint you folks, but another engine is down. Don't panic - we've still got two going, but now we'll be about 2 hours late."

After another few minutes, he comes on again:

"Look, I am really sorry about this, but somehow we have lost our third engine. Still nothing serious to worry about, but we will be about five hours late to Paris."

After hearing this, a blonde turns to the guy sitting next to her and remarks,

"If we lose the other one, we'll be up here all night."

Which is all a long way of introducing the reason for today's prayer. Dear Lord, we've discovered today for the third time that beams in one of our cooling towers are on the verge of collapse. The first time, you'll remember, a tower actually collapsed. The second time our maintenance team got there with hammers, nails, and "permanent fixes" before things got photogenically calamitous. We've been fortunate again, Lord, and I thank you for that. Because not only did we discover the problem before we had to shut the plant entirely down, but the regulators from the NRC and DPS and, most importantly, the trusting people of Vermont (and nearby Massachusetts and New Hampshire) have found comfort in our assurances that cooling tower problems are not safety related.

But you've gotta wonder, Lord: When, oh when, will the regulators and public understand that, if all of the non-critical components of this aging plant are beyond our control, some of the critical components might be?

In the meanwhile, the control room operators and I are going to spend the day playing whack-a-mole. Let my phone ring; I've got to boost my own morale so I can help my employer boost everyone else's. And, anyway, I've already arranged for a reassuring video message to be played for the public. Like yesterday's message after the 60 gallon-a-minute leak was discovered, it's not actually me on the videotape. (This time it's a blonde; think "trusting Vermonter, etc." when you see her.) And, like yesterday's message, it's not exactly about nuclear power. But in talking about maps, the blonde does aptly convey my corporate optimism. Things will get better here at Vermont Yankee, because anything less would just not be fair.

That, and if this plant were an airplane, we'd have fallen out of the sky by now.


Miss Teen USA 2007 - South Carolina Answers a Question

Amen,

Fake-Rob