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Wackenhut, the Vermont Yankee security contractor, had a little trouble this week down in Bridgman, Michigan. Apparently, three Wackenhut guards, along with three employees of the nuclear power plant they were guarding, were caught being "inattentive" and using a security camera "inappropriately." You gotta wonder what all that's a euphemism for, don't you Lord? It's a shame that it made the papers, but thank goodness both Wackenhut Corporate and American Electric Power Co., owner of the Cook Nuclear Plant, have been discrete.
Do you think we could be as discreet here in Vermont if our employees got caught mooning the security cameras? I sure hope that we here at Vermont Yankee consistently hire the sort of employee who could help avert butt-related PR disasters. Wackenhut may be hiring here soon, and to help them make sure that they hire the very best of the best, I've devised an online application for them to use with prospective hires. With the online application, applicants can take a test to see if they are generally able to stay awake and use their guns.
Here's the online application. It's a force-on-force test, far easier than the force-on-force test Wackenhut and Vermont Yankee may recently have together failed. There's only one problem with this test from my point of view: It doesn't include a way to measure an applicant's ability to keep stories like a mooning incident away from the press. So let me title this test with a reminder about the importance of not telling tales out of school. Let's call this test:
Please, Lord, tell everyone you know about it!
Amen,
Fake-Rob
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