It's Mine But You Can Have Some

Dear God,

SpinCo, NewCo.... Two names so far, lots of money on stationary wasted, and still no approval for Entergy to move ownership of Vermont Yankee and four other Entergy reactors into a new limited liability company.

And now, the union representing workers at the Pilgrim nuclear power plant has asked for intervenor status in the proposed restructuring. Quoting from the Brattleboro Reformer, this is the union's concern as expressed by David Leonardi, VP of the union and a senior operations instructor at Pilgrim:

Six nuclear reactors are going to be connected together and divorced from a conservatively financed company. If there's a problem, if one of the units doesn't get a license extension, it will negatively impact the whole.

Taking off my PR hat for a moment, Lord, and putting on my Mickey Mouse ears, I see the problem as one of trust. Those union folks don't trust the sibling NewCo plants to know how to share resources. And so I offer this set of:

Mickey Mouse Rules for Sharing Resources:
Created Especially for Those Who Care for
our Nuclear Power Plants

1. When a nuclear power plant refuses to share its favorite decommissioning fund (or shiny red emergency vehicle or licensing setback, whatever), it isn't really being selfish. Sure, it's no fun for you to watch the plant you love wail its emergency sirens in fury and frustration, but sharing is a skill we all acquire gradually. NewCo is a new "family" and working out the kinks in the sibling relationships will take time.
   
   
2. That said, nuclear power plants learn by imitating the people who care for them. Take every opportunity to model good sharing behavior for your nuclear power plants. For example, if you're eating a wonderful cookie, go ahead and toss a few crumbs over a perimeter fence and onto plant property. Sing that old Raffi song when you do:
   

   
   It's mine but you can have some
   With you I'd like to share it
   'Cause if I share it with you
   You'll have some too.
   If I have a cake to eat
   If I have a tasty treat
   If you come to me and ask
   I'll give some to you.
   

   
   Change the lyrics as necessary to set your plants on the path of thinking about sharing more weighty resources.
   
   
3. As responsible adults we're often alarmed when we catch those we care about being bad. With your nuclear power plants, try to catch them being good—and when you do, lavish them with praise. Thank them for sharing resources with the arts and social services in your community. With enough positive reinforcement from you, they may learn to ramp up contributions to a meaningful level. What's more, they may learn to share emergency funds and financial setbacks without suing for public support or, worse, getting huge Federal bailouts that subsidize the astronomical salaries they pay their CEO.
   
   
4. One way to avoid squabbles over scarce financial assets is to let each nuclear power plant hide at least most of its assets before being obligated to share with its siblings. Contact Entergy's lawyers and accountants for guidance about setting up Cayman Island holding companies. Tip: Cayman Island holding companies may also be good places to hide debt!
   
   
5. If reasonable discussions about asset allocation just seem to dissolve into too many tearful battles, you may want to give your nuclear power plants a "sharing vacation." Colorfully decorate a paper airplane and then help your plant executives and managers imagine putting their petty quarrels onto it. Sing a bye-bye song together while you toss it into the wind (and onto the radioactive lawn) for the rest of the afternoon. Then, all together, make a few dozen pretend cookies or something like that.
   

Anyway, those are all my ideas, Lord. Aside from them, I don't have a thought in my head.

Amen,

Fake-Rob