Imagine, Aspire, Achieve

Dear God,

At events like last night's Department of Public Service meeting in Brattleboro, you can always tell the Vermont Yankee employees from the nuclear activists because the activists are wearing fake beards and prosthetic bosoms with bright orange nipples.

Vermont Yankee employees know how to answer a question like "What are the benefits to continued operation of Vermont Yankee?" as it is asked and not insist on the question being reframed on suspicion of it having been scientifically designed by imperialist dogs to do untold harm.

Vermont Yankee employees know not to bring their Chihuahuas to public meetings.

Vermont Yankee employees do not approach the microphone uninvited and plea for people in the room not to put small yellow and/or orange dots (as instructed) on their favorite questions and concerns for fear of signaling to the DPS which questions and concerns can most conveniently be ignored. Did that long-haired woman really expect our consultants to address all of the public's stated concerns natter natter natter natter natter?

Vermont Yankee employees do not stand within hearing distance of me while snickering about Philip Baruth's comment in "Vermont Yankee Achieves Personal Bests in Field of Extreme Linguistic Obfuscation." I had described, in a press release, the recent compressor leak at the plant as "a routine evolution for steam cycle plants with condensers." Baruth said with reference to my word smithing, "Suddenly the break-down of components is not just routine, but evolutionary, as though the plant is actually degrading, component by component, into a higher life form of some sort. Enough to make your head swim, and in fact deliberately designed to do so." Vermont Yankee employees do not find that funny and if they do they don't laugh about it in front of me.

And what about all of that harassment of DPS employees by activists at the outset of the meeting? Actually, I liked watching the couple with the fake beard and prosthetic breasts hump in the corner of the room during Uldis Vanig's presentation. When their "Nuclear Industry" and "Vermont Public Service" signs waggled it was provocative. But wouldn't it have been more effective for them to have had full sex before the meeting? That's what some of us did.

Vermont Yankee employees do not raise concern about contamination with tritium without explaining what tritium is. Note to self: I still have to figure out the whole tritium thing.

All in all, Lord, it was a pretty good meeting except for one thing. I was all set to urge people at meeting's end to go to amazon.com and buy "J. Wayne Leonard Loves Me" t-shirts. But after the yellow and orange dot fiasco, people got angry and discouraged. Then they kind of dribbled away. The evening closed with a whimper, not with a bang.

Amen,

Fake-Rob

PS: Oh! Another thing I forgot to announce at the meeting: "Imagine, Aspire, and Achieve," CEO J. Wayne Leonard's March 2007 "I want it all now" lecture about the nuclear industry, is available online.

As is his January 2008 presentation on Entergy 4th quarter earnings, which includes slides on pre-SpinCo (now called NewCo) and post-SpinCo financial "aspirations."