Sunday, March 2, 2008

Entire Managerial Staff of Vermont Yankee Arrested for Stalking

Dear Lord,

Will belief in you protect me from my worst nightmares? All of them? Ok, well here's one:

As reported by the Brattleboro Reformer
Dateline: Some otherwise perfect Spring day in Brattleboro, Vermont

As part of a new corporate emphasis on "Corporate Honesty: Spreading the Love" created and encouraged by Burson Marsteller Chief Executive (and Clinton campaign chief strategist) Mark Penn, the entire managerial staff of Vermont Yankee congregated on the playground of Vernon Elementary School yesterday. Pointing to plumes of irradiated steam arising from Vermont Yankee, which is just across street, the VY Managers serenaded the 275 five-to-eleven year-olds (a photogenic mix of tow heads and the like) with the 1970's Carpenter's hit "Close to You."

The managers' smooth blend of voices was no deterrent to the Brattleboro Police Department. Having been awakened to the evidence tying proximity to nuclear power plants to cancer incidence among children, and particularly unnerved by the title of the song, individual policemen brought it on themselves to arrest the managers for endangering the welfare of children and then trying to make them feel happy and peaceful while they suffered.

"Thank God the nightmare is finally over," said a school employee who asked not to be identified. "We're looking forward to helping the children get on with their lives in the secure idea that major corporations who would do them mortal harm have to stay at least across the street from them."

Thank you, Lord, if you can protect me from having to spin a hellish story like that.



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