All of The Nude Terrorists Went Home

Dear Lord,

Have you noticed how the fire storm around Wackenhut Security services has died down? Hired guns from Wackenhut are the single line of defense we have between the terrorists (whom we all know to shop naked in Brattleboro) and the Vermont Yankee nuclear power plant. Well, it's no longer legal to shop naked in Brattleboro, and that alone seems to have had an effect on the level of fear around here. Who knew inspiring confidence in the American citizenry could be so easy? The most amazing thing, though, Lord, is that the Wackenhut fire storm died down even though:

• In January, the NRC proposed a $208,000 fine against Florida Power & Light for security violations by Wackenhut at its Turkey Point Nuclear Power Plant. According to NRC documents, "the fine is for four violations that include two occurrences of willfully failing to properly equip armed responders..." Indeed, two guards intentionally disabled their weapons by removing or breaking firing pins.
  
  
• Wackenhut seems to be doing some cost-cutting, and maybe at a bad time. Wackenhut guards nuclear facilities and prisons and has other sorts of contracts, as well. But nuclear power plants and prisons alone are a big deal! As a result of the company's cost-saving measures, many people are wondering how safe the plants and people that Wackenhut guards really are. Some people even worry about the safety of the guards themselves. For example, I've mentioned before that Wackenhut guards at nuclear power plants have been found to regularly sleep on the job. Now this is from Mongrel Magazine.
  

  Wackenhut’s inspired cost-cutting methods were shared with the world following the slow death of Ralph Garcia, a guard who was left bleeding for half-an-hour after being stabbed by several of the 60 homicidal Neo Nazis and members of the Mexican mafia that he had been left in charge of. When warned of the potential safety concerns involved with leaving just one guard in a hall to look after these hardened criminals, one Wackenhut exec was reported to have philosophized that ‘losing one officer was better than losing two’. See, it’s all mathematics.

  
  
• There are older charges about Wackenhut, things too awful to repeat here. Or even here.
  

Granted, it's easy to get a little whacked up about Wackenhut--and then to make egregious, bad puns about the corporate name. People are accusing Wackenhut of just about everything. Go ahead, God, enter "Wackenhut" and "UFO" in the Google search field and see what you get. My point exactly.

So, anyway, we here at Vermont Yankee seem to have survived the Wackenhut scandals, and all because the selectboard of Brattleboro made it illegal to be nude in public and so all of the terrorists have gone back to New York. We don't have to worry whether our guards at Vermont Yankee are sleeping en masse or have disabled their guns or given them to their wives for safe-keeping or been in any way complicit in the repeated rape of a 14 year old.

Amen,

Fake-Rob