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I've had a terrible dream. Or is it just a terrible idea? It was about Joan Rivers writing a column for people who've had too many face lifts -- or extended the age of their nuclear power plants too darn far.
(Lord, here I need you to imagine wavy lines occupying your field of vision and strange, discordant music. You're entering into my dream sequence.)
Q. Joan, I've think I've overdone things. How many times should one gussy up one's nose/lips/eyebrows/cheekbones? Does one's face eventually just fall apart after too much tweaking?
A. I'm glad you asked that question!
Have you wondered if the fountain
of youth really exists? Sounds like you're busy looking for it! Sadly, it doesn't, not in the mythical sense. But there are many ways to slow down the aging process and look and feel younger. Remember: One can't be too careful when dealing with face lifts and aging nuclear reactors.Here are a few concerns that I hope are being carefully addressed:
1. Water is your number one beauty ally. Drink plenty of it and offer some to your nuclear power plant, too! Because, remember, radiation hardening can result in brittleness for a reactor vessel and its components.
2. Stress can play havoc with your complexion—and with the metal welds in your reactor. Sleep is the natural healer for skin. De-commissioning and de-contamination is what works for aging plants.
3. Thermal cycling fatigue and the potential for cracking in metals can cause enormous problems in plants and may trigger automatic shutdowns and/or widespread panic and contamination. Thermal fatigue on your skin is going to look like a sunburn. Apply aloe.
4. In a plant, aging electronic control components should be replaced and redundant systems should be installed. For aging skin, remember that heavy powder is your enemy. It gets caught in fine lines and can magnify them, making you look older.
(Imagine more wavy lines and creepy music now.)
Lord, do you think I need Ambien?
Fake-Rob
