Hot Shipment Sent to Vermont Yankee

Dear God,

Jumping out of a shipping crate, and becomingly littered with pink Styrofoam peanuts, Vice Presidential Candidate Sarah Palin was one hot shipment to Vermont Yankee from the Pilgrim nuclear station, where she had just helped celebrate an assortment of early October birthdays, retirements, and upcoming nuptials. Fetchingly stepping onto the concrete floor of the Vermont Yankee plant amidst welcoming applause, the incredibly well-tanned Palin had warm words for everyone.

"It's such an honor to be here with you brave Americans," she gushed. "And here's a shout out to any Joe or Jane Six Packs in the control room. I know you can't take your eyes off those gizmo panels long enough to join us down here. And I do also know that one or more of you may have substance abuse problems. But, you know, many people in Alaska have problems like that. We party hard while driving ATVs through mud with our kids hanging precariously off the back, and their little knuckles drag in the goop right behind the wheel. We have to be careful to not back up suddenly. Well, darn, what we do drunk can't be any harder – or easier, whatever – than what you do stoned. So I hope that when you get five minutes you'll take this one excuse to come down and at least grab something to drink. 'Cause tonight the beer is on me."

And indeed, it was, because the tiny tabby thingy on top of her beer can malfunctioned and cold, frothy liquid spewed into her eye. Which gummed the workings up, making it impossible for her to wink, and maintenance had to be called in. Chagrined, Dave Tarantino, spokesman for Pilgrim, expressed dismay that Palin's wink mechanism was so easily jammed when it left the plant. "We are pretty darn careful about the shipping of this stuff," he said.

In other news as reported by the Brattleboro Reformer, "Nuclear Regulatory Commission inspectors are determining why a shipment of lead shielding from Pilgrim nuclear station in Plymouth, Mass., to Vermont Yankee nuclear power plant in Vernon exceeded radiation levels established by the federal Department of Transportation."

Amen,

Fake-Rob