Fake-Rob's Big Adventure

Dear God,

"I'm from the government and I'm here to help."

That's what some guy told me when he emailed me. He also told me that there'd been a bad hurricane in New Orleans and that my Entergy bosses in New Orleans needed lots and lots of money so that they could restore power to New Orleans.

I told him I didn't have much money. I am just the Public Relations guy for Entergy Nuclear Vermont Yankee.

He said, "No problem. Even PR guys like you get to help. See, I have huge buckets of cash that I'm supposed to get to your bosses right away. Trouble is, all of my cash is in a Nigerian bank account--for reasons that I can't explain. I need an American account like yours to funnel all this money through. If you could just quickly provide the account number of the Vermont Yankee decommissioning fund, together we could help the terrified, water-logged, mold-covered people of New Orleans."

Anyway, Lord, I can imagine that in your all-knowingness you know what happened. That's right. Most of the Decommissioning Fund is gone. But it already was very low, as Entergy had forgotten to contribute to it for quite a while now. Anyway, it's nowhere near the $1 billion mark that it needs to hit to actually decommission Vermont Yankee safely.

Well, I feel stupid, God, and, worse, I feel kind of like Winnie the Pooh in that movie, "Pooh's Big Adventure." Did you see it? It's' the heart-warming story of a time when Pooh gets separated from his friends and feels anxious and then he has to climb mountains and go through dangerous forests and stuff to get back to safety. I feel separation anxiety about money, God. I feel it about the bags and bags and bags of money I gave away. I also feel separation anxiety about me in relation to my head, which will no doubt be separated from me once the people of Vermont figure out what happened.

My separation anxiety is also about being separated from that government guy. He promised to reward me by making me a dignitary of New Orleans. Oh, well. Big dreams die hard. They always have for Winnie-the-Pooh.

But, hey. It's probably all for the better. If I'd left that money in the decommissioning fund's bank account, it would be pretty much gone by now anyway. Or would it? I'd love to see some sort of statement from Entergy about how that money was invested, given the events of the past two weeks or so. Have you heard anything about that, God? Do you think we should ask?

Well, I'm getting kind of sleepy now. I think I'll turn in. Thanks for listening, God, as you always do.

Amen,

Fake-Rob