Ode to Arnie

Dear God and Dear Members of the General Public,

(Whoa! A two-fer. Right away everyone is interested, right?)

Anyway, that was kind of a contentious meeting we had at the Latchis Theatre late yesterday afternoon. The NRC and Vermont Yankee tried to explain to the general public that the safety of the cooling towers is not in question. But the public didn't seem reassured, if you know what I mean.

So I thought I'd organize a little singalong for all of us, just to get the good feelings rolling again.

This is going to be one of those "your part, our part" sort of things, because good fences make good neighbors. So, General Public, I'm going to give you the first verse to sing, and then we at Vermont Yankee will sing the second verse with a little help from you. (After you finish singing your verse, you should go to the second verse and use the pull down menus to create the verse you'd like us to sing. Then print the whole page and mail it to your favorite local newspaper.)

Here goes, General Public! Your part is about to begin! You should probably call it "Ode to Arnie" or something like that, referring, of course, to Arnie Gundersen, the Chair of the Comprehensive Vertical Audit and member of the oversight panel. He tried to ask six questions at yesterday's meeting. (Evidently he's felt increasingly frustrated in his role as panel member, going so far as to suggest that questions don't do a lot of good unless they're accompanied by answers.) Anyway, Arnie only got to ask one question, and no one quite answered it. So you call your sad, frustrated part of the song "Ode to Arnie," because your part of the song is largely about guys like him, and we at Vermont Yankee will sing the happy part of the song and call it "I Wish That Man Would Just Sit Down."

Ok, General Public. Sing your part:

How many roads must a man walk down
Before you call him a man?
Yes, 'n' how many seas must a white dove sail
Before she sleeps in the sand?
Yes, 'n' how many times must the cannon balls fly
Before they're forever banned?
The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind,
The answer is blowin' in the wind.

You're sounding great! Now this is the part that we here at Vermont Yankee will sing, but first you have to help us compose our verse. (Remember? Create the verse by using the pull-down menus. Then print the whole page out and send it to your favorite local newspaper.)

How many times must a man

look up
fall on his sword in the public interest
kick a dead and very smelly horse and get nowhere

Before he can

see the sky?
The sky is not a safety issue.
The sky does not have permission to speak.
The sky harbors Air Slugs (see August's "Absolutely Brillig!" prayer) and should be considered dangerous.

Yes, 'n' how many

ears must one man have
Aha! Arnie has too many ears! That's his problem!
No! Arnie asks too many questions! That's his problem!
Gee! Arnie has a point of view! That's his problem!

Before he can

hear people cry?
That's just the sound of water dripping where it shouldn't be.

Yes, 'n'
how many deaths will it take till he knows
individual cases of radiation-related cancer cannot be definitively tied to VY! Nyah, nyah!
Stop trying to count deaths because it makes me upset!
I said, stop counting. Stop counting! Stop counting!
"My country 'tis of thee, sweet land of liberty!"
Can't hear you anyway, 'cause I'm singing the wrong song too loudly!

That

too many people have died?
like I said, man, you can't prove that.

The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind,
The answer is blowin' in the wind.

Amen, Lord!

Fake-Rob