How Do You Spell E-P-I-D-E-M-I-O-L-O-G-Y?

Dear God,

In Brattleboro on February 25 (and in Bellows Falls on February 26), German epidemiologist Dr. Winfrid Eisenberg will talk about a study that looked at 24 years worth of statistics regarding children who live near or around normally functioning nuclear power plants. The plants are in Germany. The children were from 0-4 years old.

The study's scientists discovered that the closer a child lives to a nuclear power plant, the higher the risk of cancer, especially leukemia. Children living within a three-mile radius of the plant have double the cancer risk.

Well, duh. Why do you think Entergy donated radiation suits for the kindergartners at Vernon Elementary School? And they're five- and six-year olds! Don't we get extra credit for being extra careful?

Look, it's not like Dr. Eisenberg is a fifth-generation Vermonter or anything. ("Ich bin ein Vermonter." As if.) Can't we stop him from coming? Can't we use the same logic that anti-nuke activists tried to use when they wanted to stop Entergy New Orleans from buying Vermont Yankee?

"Vermont für Vermonters!"

And besides, remember what I said at the beginning of this prayer? Those damning epidemiological statistics are from nuclear power plants that were functioning normally. Vermont Yankee, on the other hand, has not been doing that for quite a while. There was the spectacular cooling tower collapse and the repeated issues with the cooling towers despite our assurances that we've fixed their structural problems. There was (still is, I think) the elevated fenceline radiation. There was the discovery of many new cracks in the steam dryer. There was the crane incident, in which a 90-ton gantry cask of radioactive waste was allowed to slowly drop to the floor. Most recently Vermont Yankee has developed a radioactive leak that just won't quit.

As I told the Associated Press, our several attempts to fix the leak have failed.

And as the NRC said about a similar leak at Connecticut's Millstone Unit 2, these leaks, "have the potential to cause a loss-of-coolant accident and to result in personnel injury or death."

So what Dr. Eisenberg is about to tell the community about the danger of normally functioning nuclear power plants is inappropriate information for the community surrounding Vermont Yankee.

But this plant is not normal.

Let's make that as clear as we possibly can. There are no data available for plants like this one. For who could possibly gather useful longitudinal data for a plant with problems as bad as ours?

Plants this scary get shut down.

Phew.

Amen,

Fake-Rob