The Audacity of Dope

Dear God,

Yes, yes. I heard. Now J.P. Morgan has joined Jeffries & Co. and Deutsche Bank in downgrading Entergy stock. Specifically, J.P. Morgan has dropped Entergy's rating to Neutral from Overweight and has lowered its price target. That's more bad financial news for the company that pretends to have half a billion dollars at the ready, no problem, just in case decommissioning eventually requires it, all the while arguing that it actually doesn't own Vermont Yankee any longer and so actually doesn't have to have any of those dollars at the ready.

But today there is good news to be had, as well!

Vermont Yankee has given birth to octuplets!

In a grateful nod to Nadya Suleman, who, in thanks to You for Your bounty, has given each of her 8 newborns a middle name of Angel, Vermont Yankee has named its babies A-H as follows:

• Low-Level Radioactive Leaks and Waste Angel Vermont Yankee
  
• High-Level Radioactive Leaks and Waste Angel Vermont Yankee
  
• Half a Billion Dollars Short in the Decommissioning Fund Angel Vermont Yankee
  
• Enexus Angel Vermont Yankee
  
• No Need to Protect Nuclear Power Plants from a Plane Crash (because Who Ever Heard of Diving a Plane into a Terrorist Target?) Angel Vermont Yankee
  
• Inability to Keep Adequate Track of Spent Fuel Rods Angel Vermont Yankee
  
• Lies about High-Level Radioactive Waste Going to Yucca Mountain Angel Vermont Yankee
  
• Come to Think of It, It's a Good Thing Waste Will Stay in Vermont Because Terrorists Could Blow It Up In Transit and Ignite a Traffic-Jammed Tunnel, for Example, and Thereby Poison a Whole City and Even Region Angel Vermont Yankee
  

In celebration of the birth of these octuplets, Vermont Yankee is quietly planning to go on the nuclear industry equivalent of general relief. (Which is to say that we plan to pass on to taxpayers as many of the financial obligations related to these octuplets as we possibly can.)

PR problems that may arise:

• Vermont Yankee will be accused of being "fixated" on having children like the little Angels we're now announcing. In the event of such accusations, we will becomingly admit that we've always wanted to have children, and that we try to pay attention to each child for at least 45 minutes each day.
  
• Vermont Yankee's other children will be profiled, and in a way that is unflattering to our continuing efforts to be model parents. People may even drag the names of our eight other, "non-Angel" children--The Lawsuit by Massachusetts to Stop Relicensing Vermont Yankee, The 90-Ton Gantry Cask of Radioactive Junk that We Let Slowly Drop to the Floor, The Many Additional Cracks in the Steam Dryer, The Spectacular 2007 Cooling Tower Collapse and Our Efforts to Make Light of It, The Ongoing Structural Problems with Cooling Towers, The Elevated Fenceline Radiation, and The Contention Between the Vertical Audit Public Oversight Panel and the commissioner of the Department of Public Service--through the mud. In the event of such below-the-belt attacks, we will hint that all of our executives, including CEO J. Wayne Leonard whose five-year compensation Forbes estimates at $45.84 million, will bite the bullet and fly coach somewhere some day.
  

In other news: Did you hear about the plans by The North Springfield Sustainable Energy Project to build a biomass plant in Springfield? They say they have the resources to build it without additional financing, and that it will permanently employ about 25 people full time. One hundred people or so will be employed during the building phase.

Amen,

Fake-Rob