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Vermont Yankee has come under fire recently for being a Louisiana-owned power behemoth with no affinity for the state of Vermont. But careful, after-hours investigation by yours truly has revealed that those charges are patently false and misleading. Vermont Yankee is a Louisiana-owned cheesecloth with no affinity for the state of Vermont.
This revelation should go a long way toward explaining the leaks that have been plaguing us.- Substandard work to repair the August 2007 cooling tower collapse results in a new cooling tower leak. July 2008.
- A condenser tube leak, which we'll find "at our next opportunity." April 2008.
- An astonishing cooling tower collapse results in a broken 54-inch pipe that spews 350,000 gallons a minute of contaminated, overheated water. August 2007.
- Sixty-two cracks are in the steam dryer. November 2005
- A leak in primary piping connected to the reactor vessel head. September 2003. Quoting Ray Shadis, "In fact, there were two leaks. There was a steam leak where the packing blew out of a valve and, a few days later, a coolant leak where a pump seal failed on restart. The surveillance on these components was poor; maintenance was also poor. As far as the radiation, you can’t ‘clean up’ a noble gas leak. You can flush or dilute or mix, but it goes into the environment.”
The revelation that Vermont Yankee is actually a loosely woven piece of gauzy cloth should also help us all see that, rather than engage in a polarized debate about a dangerously decaying and entirely unnecessary monstrosity that threatens the lives of hundreds of thousands, we can get together as a like-minded community and make custard, tofu, thick yogurt, and (lest we forget) cheese.
I tell you all this, Lord, just in case someone from VPIRG prays that you help them close down the plant by 2012. Just tell them, Lord, that those of us who love Vermont love cheese and cheesecloth.
Amen,
Fake-Rob
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