For Internal Distribution Only

Dear Lord,

You're not a Vermont Yankee employee and it makes me nervous to break the rules and show you this document. But, tell me: In the event of a core meltdown, if the employees in our PR department were to follow these rules, would it amount to a plus or a minus for our image?

For Internal Distribution Only
Core Meltdown Do's and Don't's for PR Employees

Do be gracious and accommodating to each other while escaping, and, for heaven's sake, do remember to take pictures of calm consideration among employees. They will help in our post-meltdown press releases.

Do, as you leave, write a note saying where you've gone and where you can be reached. Put it in a ziplocked bag and tie the bag to a carrier pigeon's leg. Hope that the pigeon survives.

Do remember to grab your resume. There will be few desk jobs after the meltdown and you'll be too disheartened to join the cleanup crew.

Do take a last, good look around you just for the memory's sake. We had fun, didn't we?

Don't bother driving with your lights on. Unless there is fire involved, the stuff that is going to kill you won't darken highway.

Don't bother driving by your home to lock it. By the time anyone can enter your home, technology will have changed. Humans may no longer even be a species.

Don't use off-road shortcuts. The executives need those.

Useful Resources:

• Can't find your insurance company's phone number? Doesn't matter. You weren't insured.
  
  
• Need free legal advice? Get in line.