How Not to Write a Press Release

Dear Lord,

I got the most unfortunate email today. It was a press release from "Shut It Down," that group of old lady activists who continue to protest at our nuclear power plant.

Here is how it started: "As a plume of radioactive, tritiated water flowed toward the Connecticut River from Entergy's Vermont Yankee nuclear power plant here on Tuesday, August 10, eight women blocked the gate to demand the immediate shutdown of the 38-year-old facility."

And then it went on and on and on and ON about the old ladies' arrest. What, may I ask, does the arrest of those eight women have to do with the plume of radioactive, tritiated water? Granted, the first item (the arrest), by virtue of being recent, is legit news. But the second item (the leak) is old news, and leading the press release with that information turns a newsworthy event into a real snorer. Get over the leak, ladies! Move on!



Imagine if I were to have written some of VY's recent, snappy press releases with the old ladies' puerile phrasing:

1. As a plume of radioactive, tritiated water flowed toward the Connecticut River from Entergy's Vermont Yankee nuclear power plant, "the Vermont Yankee nuclear power station automatically shut down.... [But] there has been no release of radiation...."
   
   
2. As a plume of radioactive, tritiated water flowed toward the Connecticut River from Entergy's Vermont Yankee nuclear power plant, "Vermont Yankee control room operators brought the 650 megawatt nuclear power plant back into service. There was a delay early Sunday morning while reconnecting to the New England power grid when operators noticed that generator readings were different than expected and disconnected from the grid...."
   
   
3. As a plume of radioactive, tritiated water flowed toward the Connecticut River from Entergy's Vermont Yankee nuclear power plant, "a recently completed root cause analysis of a tritium leak at the Vermont Yankee Nuclear Power Plant determined that leak was primarily caused by an earlier design deficiency and inadequate inspection of an underground area of the plant that could not be accessed."
   
   
4. As a plume of radioactive, tritiated water flowed toward the Connecticut River from Entergy's Vermont Yankee nuclear power plant, "the plant [operated] at 100% power...."
   
   and
   
   
5. As a plume of radioactive, tritiated water flowed toward the Connecticut River from Entergy's Vermont Yankee nuclear power plant, Entergy's Chairman and CEO, J. Wayne Leonard said, "This is how Entergy operates."
   

I would be the laughing stock of the PR world, right? Take a lesson, ladies!

Amen,

Fake-Rob