Mafia Applies to NRC for 20-Year Renewal of License to Sink Boats Containing Radioactive Waste

Dear, God!

Remember that I prayed about the Mafia maybe "disappearing" ships containing nuclear waste? Well, that idea has legs! Or, anyway, it has fins.

Apparently, radioactive waste disposal is a lucrative business. An informant for the Calabrian Mafia says that he has deliberately blown up three ships containing toxic waste—and that 30 such vessels have been scuttled by the Mafia. The sunken ship that is currently being searched for toxic materials is said to have 120 barrels of radioactive waste on board.

Most interesting: The Calabrian city prosector told reporters, "For the moment, we do not know the origin of the waste, but it is probably from abroad." That does not implicate Vermont Yankee directly. After all, we found the 3 fuel rods we lost in 2004. And we account for all of our waste and, in fact, store it right here, legally, next to the Connecticut River, in an earthquake zone, right above the flood plain, and unprotected by attack from an airplane. We don't need no stinking Mafia.

That said, the AFP reports that, according to the vice president of the environmental group Legambiente, the Mafia has sunk ships with radioactive material for the last 20 years.

Which means their licensing period is up, and if they want to continue to dispose of waste from the United States, they'll have to apply for renewal of the NRC's coveted License to Irresponsibly Dispose of Products That Could Ruin the World. But I hear they have connections everywhere, so approval should be no problem.

Amen,

Fake-Rob

When "Disappear" Is a Verb

Dear God,

Ahem. Well, this new twist on the nuclear waste issue may not go well for Entergy Nuclear Vermont Yankee. Anyway, it seems that there is a high index of suspicion that the Mafia may have blown up one or more ships with nuclear waste that someone wanted to "disappear." What you see here is the image of a toxic barrel on a suspected Mafia shipwreck. It was taken by an underwater robot camera.

Italy, though! Not America! Phew.

Still, I'm going to lunch. And then dinner. I may just disappear for a while.

Amen,

Fake-Rob

And the Answer Is ....

Dear God,

The answer is "Wackenhut." In addition to creating security lapses at the embassy and urinating on each other and dancing around in G-strings in a Muslim country, Wackenhut guards let a truck carrying a pipe bomb onto the grounds of America's largest nuclear power plant, lost track of several guns, fell asleep en masse while on duty at Peach Bottom (and disciplined the one guard who reported them to the NRC). Another guard fell asleep at Three Mile Island. In 2007 four Wackenhut guards were convicted of the rape and murder of a college student working at a motel near their work site. In 2008 Vermont Yankee was cited by the NRC for unspecified security violations that would have fallen under Wackenhut's aegis. Wackenhut guards have been implicated in rape and torture in several states, where they work in prisons.

Rumor has it that VY is terminating their association with Wackenhut. Which would only be a good thing.


Amen,

Fake-Rob

I've Got a Secret

Dear God,

The Brattleboro Reformer finally ran an article that I've long worried they'd run. It was about J. Wayne Leonard's compensation as CEO of Entergy. The article kicked up a stir, but it did not touch on some of the finer points of his compensation package, which is good. For example, it did not say that roughly 9.7% of the Katrina disaster relief funds that Entergy applied for and received went into J. Wayne Leonard's very own, private pocket, a nuance that I prayed about in March in The Wonderful World of Leonard and a whole year before that in No J. Wayne Leonard News Today. Thank you, Lord, for imbuing the Reformer with discretion.

And, golly, Lord! Thank you also for the fact that no one in our local media has yet made the connection between Entergy Nuclear Vermont Yankee and "a pattern of blatant and longstanding violations” at the American Embassy in Kabul. Oh, Lord, I just love secrets, don't you? I especially like them when they involve phrases like a "Lord of the Flies environment,” and "climate of fear and coercion!" It gets me so excited that, on days like today when I've got a secret that no one has guessed, I have to wear Huggie Pull-Ups® to work, and then wrap the arms of my suit jacket around my waist and dangle the torso of my jacket over my butt, all so people don't wonder know I'm wearing big-boy diapers.

I've got a secret, I've got a secret, I've got a secret. Oops. Heh. Gotta go.

Amen,

Fake-Rob

Supervisor Tested Positive for Alcohol

Dear God,

Man walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Say, I can't serve you! Aren't you supposed to be stone-cold sober for your shift at Vermont Yankee, where you will supervise other employees and help them make the good decisions that might keep the people of Vermont and neighboring New Hampshire and Massachusetts safe in spite of the ever-present dangers presented by the plant?"

Man says, "Not that I'm aware of."

Good joke, huh?

Amen,

Fake-Rob