Are You There, God? It's Me, Fake-Rob Williams

The Thrill Is Over

2011-06-20T17:21:00.009-04:00

Dear God,

I was going to send you a postcard, but I'm not really on vacation. I've been transferred--to Entergy's Pilgrim Nuclear Power Plant--which, when you think of it, is kind of like being on vacation because it's on Cape Cod Bay. So, frankly, I haven't prayed because I'm no longer that interested in how the people of Vermont, New Hampshire, and Massachusetts feel about Vermont Yankee. As if I ever was.

And then there's the added problem of every time anyone says "nuclear power" recently, everyone thinks "Fukushima," and then no one feels like laughing.

But today's news is so breath-takingly scary that I thought I'd pray anyway. The Nation is reporting that the Obama administration "has ordered a 'total and complete' news blackout relating to any information regarding the near catastrophic meltdown of the Fort Calhoun Nuclear Power Plant located in Nebraska."

It's right near Omaha. Hey, Cornhuskers are people, too! Apparently, nearly two weeks ago, the plant suffered a catastrophic loss of cooling to one of its spent fuel rod pools, and as a result there was a fire. This happened as a consequence of Missouri River flooding. The release of radioactivity into the atmosphere appears to have been negligable.

However you spell "negligable." It's a word we use a lot in nuclear plant PR, so you'd think I'd know.

Anyway, God, I'll be in touch again. But not as much. Like I said, I don't work for Vermont Yankee anymore. Also, remember I said I wouldn't pray about the Fukushima disaster because there was nothing funny in it? Well, that's how I'm feeling about Omaha now, too--and Obama. (This is assuming that The Nation's report is correct.) If The Nation has its story straight, the thrill is over on any relationship between POTUS and me. BB King would be crying a river of tears if he were here--which might be bad, if he were in the vicinity of a nuclear power plant.

Lots of amens, God. Best friends forever!

Fake-Rob

Update 9pm: The New York Times has a story about nuclear plants and flooding on the Missouri.

Ralph, What Hast Thou Wrought?

2011-05-15T16:06:00.013-04:00

Dear God,

On Sunday The Daily Beast posted a rogue's gallery of firms represented by the PR firm of Burson-Marsteller--which not too recently represented Entergy. Who knows, it might still represent Entergy? Burson-Marsteller is being deliciously vague about that.

According to The Daily Beast, Burson-Marsteller's other clients have included:

The Nigerian Government

General Motors

Ralph Nader

Unsafe at Any Speed

Romanian Dictator Nicolae Ceaușescu

The Argentinian Junta

Three Mile Island

Bhopal Disaster

The Indonesian Government

Philip Morris

Monsanto

Saudi Arabia

Blackwater

AIG

You should really see the article, Lord. The photos alone are worth the click. I'm fairly sure Burson-Marsteller is no longer directing our Vermont Yankee efforts, though they did get us through our transformer fire and cooling tower collapse days. I'm kinda considering suggesting that it's time to once again sign up with these miracle workers ... but, really, what PR help do we need now? Yes, the New York Times, has reported that, in the wake of Japan's Fukushima Daiichi disaster, Germany may close its entire fleet of plants by 2021. Yes, Italy and Switzerland are stopping development of new plants. And, yes, Burson-Marsteller handled the arrest of our entire management staff superbly. But our PR needs are different now.

We've had a game change here, and public opinion no longer matters to us at all. Sure, tireless old ladies continue to SHUT DOWN VERMONT YANKEE and get hauled off to jail.

But it's the courts that will now decide the fate of Entergy Vermont Yankee. Pat Parenteau, senior counsel to the Environmental and Natural Resources Law Clinic, is premature in boasting that "There's no way the state should lose." Some day this case will be in the hands of the U.S. Supreme Court. And I'm guessing that at least five of those judges have close friends who to this day splash about it in deep wells of gratitude for the divine interference that Burson-Marsteller arranged in one sordid matter or another.

Do you, indeed, work for ol' B-M, Lord? Some people in Vermont think you do. Anyway, it's a snap who Ralph Nader works for. No, not General Motors. Haven't you been paying attention? He works for Entergy! By handing the 2000 presidential election to George Bush he may have also handed a 20-year Certificate of Public Good to Entergy Vermont Yankee.

Amen,

Fake-Rob

Update: Yikes! The old ladies are at it again! They just sent news of their recent action. On Friday, having chained and locked the Vermont Yankee gate, Julie Levy, 61, of Weathersfield, VT; Robin Lloyd, 72, of Burlington, VT: Nina Swaim, 73, of Sharon, VT; Betsy Corner, 63 of Colrain, MA; Frances Crowe, 92, of Northampton, MA; Marcia Gagliardi, 63, of Athol, MA; Jean Grossholtz, 82, of South Hadley, MA; Ellen Graves, 70, of West Springfield, MA; Hattie Nestel, 72, also of Athol, MA; Paki Wieland, 67, also of Northampton, MA; and Jennifer Wright, 64, of Unity, NH. They The eleven read the following statement after chaining the gate shut:

"We are here today to shut down the Vermont Yankee nuclear power plant IMMEDIATELY and WITHOUT DELAY and FOR GOOD.

"We are appalled at the irresponsible action of the Nuclear Regulatory Commission in granting Entergy permission to operate this dangerous facility for more than another twenty years.

"Because the federal government and Entergy will not honor the public good by shutting down Vermont Yankee, we must take this action and SHUT IT DOWN NOW.

"No more accidents.

"No more leaks

"No more lies.

"No more tax subsidies.

"No more.

"Enough.

"SHUT IT DOWN NOW."

Unprotected Sex, and See You in Court

2011-04-18T12:07:00.005-04:00

Dear Lord,

Today the Reformer reported that Entergy has filed suit to keep Vermont Yankee open. This is because the NRC has voted to renew our operating license in 2012, yet the Vermont legislature has declined to send us merrily on our way toward receiving the necessary certificate of public good.

As Richard Smith, President of Entergy Wholesale Commodities, said, "We have made every reasonable effort to accommodate the state of Vermont and its officials while allowing the continued operation of Vermont Yankee - an outcome that benefits all stakeholders, including Vermont consumers and the approximately 650 men and women who work at the plant. Despite the fact that Vermont Yankee is important to the reliability of the New England electric transmission grid, emits virtually no greenhouse gases, and provides more than $100 million in annual economic benefits to the state of Vermont, it has been made clear that state officials are singularly focused on shutting down the plant. That has left us with no other choice but to seek relief in the court system."

I couldn't have said it better myself! Truly, Lord, it is unfortunate and unfair that such eloquence will surely be drowned out by another item in today's news. The New York Times is reporting that robots working inside Japan's crippled nuclear reactor have determined that the plant is now too radioactive for even disaster workers to enter. And this is after Japan's regulatory agency more than doubled the legal limit for nuclear workers' exposure!

Darn it all. We just don't seem to be able to catch a good news cycle.

Also in the news today, the President-Elect of the American College of Surgeons has resigned in the wake of widespread outrage after he publicly extolled the mood-enhancing effects of semen on women during unprotected sex. I mention this only because I suspect he is looking for work.

Which means he could join our PR team and support the president of Entergy Wholesale Commodities in extolling the mood-enhancing effects of nuclear power on Vermonters during electricity protection that threatens their lives.

It's nice to know that the President of Entergy Wholesale Commodities has only Vermonters' comfort and pleasure in mind, just like men who insist women have unprotected sex are only thinking of the mood boost those women will get.

Amen,

Fake-Rob

Dynamic Point of View Based Business Strategy

2011-03-31T08:08:00.005-04:00

Dear God,

We've been unable to sell Vermont Yankee. As reported by the Brattleboro Reformer, we received interest from a number of companies, but the uncertain political environment in Vermont scared everyone away. "The plant's strong operating performance was attractive to potential buyers," we've explained in a press release. "The political uncertainty was not."

You'll be glad to learn, as the Reformer reports, that we are "leaving the door open to any potential purchase offers should conditions change, consistent with our dynamic point-of-view based business strategy."

Anyway, God, want to see what negotiations consistent with our dynamic point-of-view based business strategy look like? The security camera caught a couple'a guys talking. I can't really tell you who is who in this video. Nuclear energy company execs all look alike to m, and they often look this pleased with themselves.

I think I'll go climb a refrigerator.

Amen,

Fake-Rob

Still Praying

2011-03-21T15:43:00.005-04:00

Dear God,

I thought I'd take the opportunity of the NRC's approval of Vermont Yankee's relicensing to explain why I haven't prayed here lately. I have been praying, silently, for the victims of the murderous havoc that nuclear power has wreaked on Japan. I have been praying for the small number of people with acute radiation poisoning and for the almost unimaginably large number of people whose health long-term will go dramatically downhill. I have also been wondering about the economic cost to Japan and to the world in general of the profound poisoning of a national food supply and of the tainting with deadly radioactive isotopes of the drinking water of the world's largest city (Tokyo, with 33 million people).

But I haven't been publicly praying here because I use this prayer blog mostly to amuse you, dear Lord, while you take care of the weak and wounded of the world. And frankly, as you know, there's been absolutely nothing lately for me to joke about.

Amen,

Fake-Rob

If Brendan Behan Could See Us Now

2011-01-24T15:57:00.006-05:00

Dear God,

You know how they say that no there's no such thing as bad publicity? Well, then I'm in the midst of a PR dude's dream. Entergy news is everywhere!

Remember how Vermont Yankee wanted other states to be able to export waste to Texas, a move that would possibly decrease its decommissioning costs for VY? Well, we've been in the news in two ways over that one:

First,

Panel Approves Importing More Nuclear Waste to Texas. "Texas can import low-level radioactive waste from 36 other states, a commission run jointly by Texas and Vermont decided Tuesday in West Texas. The Low-Level Radioactive Waste Disposal Compact Commission vote was a decisive victory for Dallas-based Waste Control Specialists, a company whose majority owner is billionaire Harold Simmons, which has shaken off a series of permitting and court challenges by environmental activists...."

And now,

Judge Halts Radioactive Dump Plan for Now. "A Texas judge ordered a temporary halt Thursday to a proposal that could allow three dozen states to dump their radioactive waste in far West Texas, a ruling that sided with environmentalists and caught the state attorney general's office off guard...."

And there's the new tritium leak:

Officials Investigate Possible New Leak at Vermont Yankee. "Both the Nuclear Regulatory Commission and the Vermont Department of Health have indicated there may be a new leak of tritiated water at Vermont Yankee nuclear power plant in Vernon...."
Tritium Found at Nuclear Power Plant. "Radioactive tritium has been found in a water sample from a monitoring well at the Entergy Corp.-owned 620 MW Vermont Yankee nuclear power plant, just a year after another related incident....."
Entergy Again Finds Tritium at Vermont Yankee. "Radioactive tritium has been found in a water sample from a monitoring well at Entergy Corp's (ETR.N) Vermont Yankee nuclear power plant, the company said on Friday, a year after the isotope was identifed in a leak at the facility. 'This week Vermont Yankee received positive indications for tritium in a previously unaffected monitoring well located about 150 feet to the north of the area affected by the leak that was identified in January 2010,' plant spokesman Larry Smith said in an email...."
Vermont Regulators Hear about Nuclear Leaks "A high-ranking engineer for the company that owns the Vermont Yankee nuclear plant said Tuesday that leaks of radioactive water from two pipes didn't prompt plant personnel to inspect other pipes at the Vernon reactor to see whether they might show similar problems...."
Lawyers, Consultants Wrangle Over 'Root Cause' of Yankee Leaks, "The Vermont Public Service Board opened four days of technical hearings Tuesday on petitions from environmental groups seeking to shut down the Vermont Yankee nuclear power plant and revoke its state operating permit in the wake of revelations that the facility was leaking radioactive water into the environment.... The “root cause” of the leaks was the most contentious issue...."

Now it seems there are reliability and possibly safety issues at an Entergy plant in Michigan:

Entergy Nuclear Plant in Michigan Shuts Down from Full Power. "Entergy Corp. says its nuclear power plant in southwestern Michigan was automatically shut down from full power over the weekend and a faulty cable that supplies a transformer was found...."

And finally there's the value of our corporation:

Entergy Stocks Reach 52-week Low "The prices of Entergy Corp. (ETR) shares have declined to close to the 52-week low of $70.83, which is 17.4% off the 52-week high of $84.07. Entergy Corp. is owned by 11 Gurus we are tracking. Among them, 2 have added to their positions during the past quarter. 7 reduced their positions...."

The idea that there's no such thing as bad publicity is often attributed to Phineas T. Barnum. But you know, God? The Irish dramatist Brendan Behan had his own version of the saying. "There is no such thing as bad publicity except your own obituary." Sure and I'm starting to feel a bit of the old sod in my blood. And this is all starting to feel like bad publicity to me.

Amen,

Fake-Rob

You Never Give Me Your Money

2011-01-22T16:30:00.011-05:00

Dear God,

I'm sure you heard about the latest tritium leak. We're not really speaking about it publicly yet, so just let me refer you to my oft-repeated advice:

TEN HANDY EVACUATION SAFETY AND SANITY TIPS

1. To beat the traffic, evacuate the day before an emergency.

2. Radiation exposure is especially harmful to children. Build up your children's immunity by programmatically giving them x-rays beginning shortly after birth.

3. Dress your child in a haz-mat suit for Halloween, just in case that's a bad day for us.

4. Always pack your child's lunch box with holy water.

5. Ask your doctor whether cancer is always as serious as you've been led to believe.

6. Remember that, even if your children are in a school in Guilford, Vernon or Brattleboro, no force in creation can stop a good parent like you from cowboying your way through police lines to get to them once they have been cordoned away from you and proclaimed a public health risk to others.

7. Appreciate the way that evacuation puts your life problems in perspective.

8. Try not to read too much into the little details like how in heaven's name you will ever rebuild your life even if you and everyone you love survive.

9. If you actually work at the Vermont Yankee plant, every day ask yourself, "Hmmm, does this coffee taste a little too potassium iodide-y?" Lousy coffee is a morale buster. During an evacuation, a bright outlook will go a long way.

10. Remember that heart disease is actually our nation's number one killer.

Like I said, we're not yet really giving out information about this. But what we are speaking freely about, at least at the plant, is some good news. We are so glad to finally be able to download Beatles songs from the iTunes store!

It's so cool. You know, one of the things that people don't really appreciate about Vermont Yankee is how much fun we have around here forgiving each other for our blunders and mistakes. It's really a "peace, man" and "no worries" kind of place. Another very cool fact about us: Our employees are happy, picturesque people with good singing voices.

And that's something the ad agency really likes. I know I showed you the website we spent thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars on, the one showing people how downright Caucasian we are and how nice one of us in particular looks in a red bathing suit. Well, did you also know that we sing George Harrison's "My Sweet Lord" at lunchtime in the employee cafeteria, and that when we do we all join in on folk guitars? The "Alleluia"s and "Hare Krishna"s bring tears to our eyes. And did you know that if you don't tear up spontaneously that you can pull your nose hairs when no one is looking and get it to happen?

We talk about the Beatles a lot at Vermont Yankee because, like us, they were technical innovators. Just think of "Abbey Road." Hey, most of the world was way behind the times, playing 8-track cassettes and building nuclear power plants! But they were assuredly bringing Moog synthesizers into the studio and playing chords backwards.

You might also remember that the climax of that album is a 16-minute medley. Hey! Remember "Sun King?" And "She Came in Through the Bathroom Window"--written (did you know?) after a fan came into Paul's house through the bathroom window? And who could forget "You Never Give Me Your Money?"

Well, we haven't forgotten "You Never Give Me Your Money"--not at Vermont Yankee. We started singing it to the state in 2007 when we tried to pocket a quarter of a BILLION dollars from the Decommissioning Fund. (NOTE: Pages 8-12 are particularly fun when sung in chorus.) Specifically, what we did was attempt "to draw down the Vermont Yankee decommissioning fund by applying the cost of the Interim Spent Fuel Storage Installation (ISFSI) to Vermont Yankee’s Decommissioning Fund." NRC statute prohibits this, and eventually Entergy retracted its effort to "strip the fund of these unauthorized costs." Apparently, no other plant in the U.S. has had the cojones to try to use their Decommissioning Fund this way.

So, yes! We're innovators! But, also yes, now we've been found out, and the report has been made public, and all while we're grappling with another ill-timed tritium leak. Frankly, I fear that, boy, we're going to "Carry That Weight" of our incompetence and tomfoolery right into the next legislative vote on our Certificate of Public Good.

I'm frantic about this, God, pulling out my nose hairs and everything.

You got any PR miracles up your sleeve? Any technical ones? Unfortunately, Paul is dead, and he can't help. I know many people say it's George and John who are dead, but I've listened to all of those songs backwards and forwards.

Hare Krishna, My Sweet Lord,

Fake-Rob

Dental Warfare

2010-12-14T14:55:00.002-05:00

Dear God,

Gosh. I got an email today, and the subject line was "Bomb Strontium in Baby Teeth." It linked to a article here.

By and large, I'm a cautious guy, but this idea is one I support. I mean, who wants Strontium in baby teeth? That stuff's dangerous as hell! I say bomb those baby teeth to smithereens. Bigger, healthier ones will grow in anyway. And then the back molars will come in. Bomb them, too. They hurt.

Amen,

Fake-Rob

The Little Yanks are Back!

2010-12-13T12:24:00.003-05:00

Dear God,

Two things:

First, Ukraine plans to open Chernobyl area to tourists in 2011. It turns out that nuclear disaster is a brand that sells, just like "made in Vermont."
Second, remember those cute control room mutants, The Little Yanks? They couldn't run and play like other kids, and they said a bad word: Strontium-90, which itself is a mutant. (Unlike most bad words, it has more than four letters.) I first prayed about them on May 26, 2010. Well, theyyyyyyyyyre back! Trouble is, the first time we met them, they were kind of funny, confusing "sh#t," for example, with radioactive isotopes. This time, there's not much humor, except for a few laugh lines about the NRC being trustworthy. And, hey, did you know? Uranium is natural! And the outcome of Vermont refusing to give Vermont Yankee a certificate of public good for an extra 20 years of operation "will be decided in the Federal courts!" Here's a little movie, courtesy of YouTube user RobertHargraves, who was kind enough to include an "embed" link on his YouTube page.

Gotta go, Lord. It's my turn to take the control room mutant kids outside so I can forcibly stretch their little legs and arms. And necks.

Amen,

Fake-Rob

It's a Sing-Along!

2010-12-07T10:02:00.012-05:00

Dear God,

J. Wayne Leonard is dumping his shares of Entergy! And it may have affected the overall value of the company. According to the website GuruFocus.com, "Chairman and CEO J Wayne Leonard sold 227,954 shares of ETR stock on 08/10/2010 at the average price of 79.11. J Wayne Leonard owns at least 360,683 shares after this. The price of the stock has decreased by 8.49% since. Other insiders have also decreased their positions in the company."

"The rat is fleeing a sinking ship" can't even begin to describe the epithets being hurled today at poor J. Wayne--"poor," of course, being a relative term considering that in October of 2008 Fortune Magazine estimated his five-year income at $45.84 million. And now, just imagine the windfall on the stock sale! Whew! (It's about $17 million, if you do the math.)

And you've seen my pictures of J. Wayne Leonard's house haven't you? I think he'll build another wing or something now, don't you?

People may call J. Wayne a "rat," but "rat" does not begin to describe him. Why, he's stuck by this old, leaking plant for so long, he should get a medal! People have cast aspersions on his spending style, his elitism, his oversight, his manners, his hiring practices, his honesty, and the fact that he's pillaged the state of Vermont without, apparently, ever once spending a personal dollar here. He's been lambasted for saying that nuclear power is not a good business risk for the 21st century, and saying that even while trying to get the state of Vermont to take a risk on nuclear power. But step back, Lord. It's not as though all those aspects of him are bad things. Truly, they just define the modern man, the man of the future, the captain of industry about town extraordinaire.

Why, I think it's fair to go so far as to say that J. Wayne Leonard is, if you will, the very model of a modern metrosexual.

Hit it, dudes! And everyone sing along!

Did you see Linda Rondstadt in that video clip? Hey, any father of Linda Rondstadt's is a friend of mine.

Amen,

Fake-Rob

PS: Unfortunately, we can't blame the tumble in Entergy stock on Governor Elect Peter Shumlin. You see, J. Wayne's sell-off pre-dated Pete's demand of Michael Colomb, Site Vice President at Vermont Yankee, that "Entergy return its extraction wells to service and ... increase the number of wells to prevent tritiated water from entering Vermont’s precious and irreplaceable aquifers." In his letter to Colomb, Pete said that, "It appears that ENVY made the decision to arbitrarily terminate the process of extracting tritiated ground water from the Vermont Yankee site as soon as 300,000-gallons of water had been removed. The tritium concentration level of the remaining on site tritiated water after the 300,000-gallon cutoff was never provided to justify that decision." Pete also pointed out that, "The following day [after stopping extraction], Entergy detected 500,000 pCi/l of tritium near [one] well and at bedrock, ... a further indication that the aquifer may be in serious jeopardy of contamination from tritium and other radioactive isotopes." Frankly, I fail to understand Pete's concern about all of this. You remember, Lord (don't you?), that Mullah Akhtar Muhammad Mansour has already declared our tritium cleanup to be complete.

Have You Heard the Good News?

2010-12-04T01:07:00.003-05:00

Dear God,

Yes, Lord, in the very week that we prematurely announced our tritium cleanup to be complete,we've announced that we've found more tritium, and this time we've found it in at least one well that used to be used for drinking water.

But, in the words of the prophet Douglas Adams, "DON'T PANIC!" This week's discovery is good news--or so my colleague Larry Smith has suggested.

I won't even pretend to explain why it's good news, because in order to explain that I would have to understand Larry's logic, which, frankly, I don't. But I do know this: No one reads the Saturday papers. And that is good news.

Yet, despite Larry's proclamation of elation, I'm sensing a general uneasiness here at Vermont Yankee. We all know that, by Monday, anti-nuke activists will be leaping from nooks and crannies and jumping to wherever it is that news cameras will point.

If I may be so bold as to express a wish in the form of an exasperative prayer, I beseech you, Lord, to arrange for said nuclear activists to drink the damn "good news" water, and to drink it tonight, Friday. Mind you, I fully support Larry in his assertion that 500 thousand pico curies per liter presents "no threat to public health." And, granted, even if it's going to kill the activists, they'll still be around on Monday. Radiation poisoning doesn't always work as quickly as one would like. Still, to watch the activists drink that water would be an "unusual event" for which I would be eternally grateful.

Thanks for understanding, Lord.

Amen,

Fake-Rob

Mullah Akhtar Muhammad Mansour Declares Tritium Cleanup Complete

2010-11-24T13:37:00.007-05:00

Dear God,

Just weeks after his most recent meeting with Hamid Karzai, president of one or another of those "stan" countries, Mullah Akhtar Mohammad Mansour, one of the most successful imitators of senior commanders in the Taliban movement, has declared the cleanup of tritium at Vermont Yankee complete.

"You have trusted me," Mullah Mansour declared. "Now you can pay me."

The NATO plane that brought Mullah Mansour to Vernon has now helped him flee back to the hills, carrying him along with weighty bundles of Entergy shareholder cash, and leaving David O'Brien of the Department of Public Service sad that long-promised peace talks with the New England Coalition never quite happened. However, J. Wayne Leonard, CEO of Entergy, expressed his gratitude that contaminated groundwater, now removed from Vernon, would be shipped to Tennessee, where public education has been in crisis for so long that the citizenry is unusually easy to push around. Stepping away from an indoor pool party at his mansion, Mr. Leonard watched with loving eyes as Mullah Mansour's plane passed over Louisiana. "Who was that masked man?" he wondered fondly.

In the meanwhile, Arnie Gundersen tried frantically to explain to the media that the tritium problem was not, in fact solved. The extraction wells were still pumping contaminated water when they were shut down. They were not shut down because the tritium issue was "over," but rather because Entergy did not want to pay to winterize the wells. Had they paid for the wells, Gundersen explained, they could not have afforded to pay Mullah Monsour.

Only moments after Gundersen started his b*tching and moaning, a grainy, ill-shot video was received by news stations across America. An unidentified but very tall actor attached to a styrofoam dialysis machine clearly said, "We will never tire of the tritium fight. J. Wayne is great. So is God."

Amen,

Fake-Rob

Meg Whitman Puts Vermont Yankee on eBay.

2010-11-05T21:18:00.015-04:00

Dear God,

After spending $160 million of her own fortune on a losing campaign to be the governor of California, former eBay executive Meg Whitman is hard pressed for money, and has agreed to work for commission in her attempt to sell Vermont Yankee on eBay.

Of course, it's up to me to prepare the press release announcing the unconventional arrangement. I asked Ms. Whitman what the press release might best say about any potential buyer's responsibility regarding clean up of this horrible environmental mess we've created. As you know, we've underfunded the decommissioning fund by about half a billion dollars.

"Half a billion will be peanuts to the right buyer," Ms. Whitman assured me, as she paid an extra dollar to have the words "Fire Sale" bolded in the listing's title.

You know me. I'm not easily convinced by a dollar spent here or there, nor am I easily deflected in my dogged attempts to get hard answers even to the most difficult questions. Frankly, I knew what sorts of things my fellow employees would want to know. I also knew about the concerns the general public would have. So I emailed Ms. Whitman.

She only had a moment or so to spare when answering my email, what with her urgent need to search-engine-optimize the listing for terms like "everything must go" and "be the first on your block" and "state has new direction; we chose to go 'another way'." So I asked just a few quick questions. What changes did she anticipate an eBay buyer would implement at Vermont Yankee? Better safety monitoring? Less toxic runoff? More credible reporting? More reasonable shifts? Help for the employees' substance abuse problems? Would jobs be protected? For how long?

"Just get new stationary," she emailed me in return, "'cause if I learned one thing at eBay it's that image is eVerything."

At first I thought she was nuts. Which wasn't surprising. Hey, we're all feeling a little bonkers around here nowadays. Since the election it seems to me and my friends in the control room like the world is crashing around our ears. The river seems to whisper to us about the revenge of the fish. And we haven't even been to a picnic lately.

Like I said, I was just a hair flabbergasted that all Meg Whitman could think of to say to me in response to my politely-phrased, specific, and pressing questions was "image is eVerything." I can't tell you how long I stared at her email this morning, feeling increasingly disappointed and despairing.

But you know, Lord? The more I read her email, the more I think I got what she meant. Image just may be eVerything. I mean, sEriously.

aMen,

fAke rOb
pR gUy
vErmont yAnkee (and maybe someday, if I'm lucky, eBay)

Hey! What's happening?

2010-10-30T09:37:00.000-04:00

Dear God,

As you might expect, we've been doing some pre-election planning at Vermont Yankee. We're trying to get out the vote for Brian Dubie. We want, on election day itself if necessary, to persuade anyone still on the fence about whether radiation poisoning and environmental toxicity are good or bad things to think of them as neutral, and then to concentrate on the happy benefits to me and my colleagues of imperiling the people of southeastern Vermont and neighboring Massachusetts and New Hampshire.

I couldn't sleep at all last night for all of the worrying I was doing about the election. How, I asked myself as I tossed and turned, could we at Vermont Yankee and Entergy best hide certain nuances from voters--like the fact that the habit of the NRC is to wait for definitive proof of a safety hazard before taking action--definitive proof being defined as an accident that's already happened? How could we get people to take their minds off their own petty concerns and feel sorry for J. Wayne Leonard, me, and the shareholders of Entergy?

Tick, tick, tick went my clock. Then, right around dawn, I had a moment of personal brilliance.

Our employees will work at the polls in pairs, standing always the prescribed distance away from the booths. They will open conversations with voters in as gentle, genuine, friendly, and optimistic way as possible, one that shows sensitivity to the shifting demographic in Vermont, and one that makes Brian Dubie and his friends seem oh so comme il faut.

Let me cut to the quick. Our employees will make some noise, attract some attention, and ask, "Hey, what's happening?"--only not precisely in those words.

See for yourself. Larry Smith and I will be working together in Vernon, and we've spent a few hours this morning practicing.

Amen,

Fake-Rob

Gleeful

2010-10-13T10:49:00.006-04:00

Dear God,

Sometimes I don't pray right away about big news--like, for example, news about the radioactive isotope tritium found in the well water at Vermont Yankee, or the much higher levels of tritium found in well water at Pilgrim, our sister plant in Massachusetts. When I don't pray right away, it's not because I don't care. It's because I think that the official statements issued by Entergy spokespeople have handled the problem, and divine intervention is not necessary.

For example, Pete Shumlin expressed shock and dismay at the discovery of tritium in actual well water near Vermont Yankee. But is that really news? Of course Pete is shocked and dismayed. He practically makes a habit of it. On the other hand, it is news that Brian Dubie seemed initially displeased, and it is news that Brian said that he would not support VY's re-licensing without reassurance from the Department of Health and the NRC. Indeed, at first blush that sounded very, very scary to me. Ah, but then I blushed again. And when I did I remembered that every single time that tritium has been found in water at or near VY, and any time any scary happenstance at VY has occurred, both the NRC and Bill Irwin, Vermont's top radiological officer at the Department of Health, have given us a thumbs up.

Now, remember, Bill Irwin has long been someone with whom VY has felt absolutely comfortable. You may recall that I prayed about Bill on June 21, 2010. My prayer was about the Entergy/VY efforts to keep Arnie Gundersen out of the information loop regarding the existence of buried piping. We at Entergy/VY needed to keep him out of the loop because he was deeply suspicious about the existence of buried piping, and the Vermont legislature had fully authorized him to make appropriate inquiries. And, of course, as things turned out Arnie was right. Well, in the midst of all of our feints and misunderestimating, Bill Irwin (a public official) wrote in an email to Dave McElwee (a VY engineer) that, "The comments of Mr. Gundersen [about the possibility of the existence of underground piping] are hyperbole and, in my opinion, bordering [sic] on irresponsibility."

So Bill's a guy I know we can count on. Oh! Even more reassuring to me about Bill Irwin is this from my June 21 prayer:

Bill [Irwin] may actually have considered himself very much part of the VY "team." He marked a[n]email he sent to Uldis Vanags, the state's nuclear engineer, as "For Internal Use Only!!!!". Still, he seems to have copied the email to Dave [McElwee]. Dave circulated the email to a large handful of VY executives. You gotta love those four exclamation points, God. Without the emphasis they add to the words "internal" and "only" I never would have appreciated how closely the interests of Vermont Yankee and the Douglas administration are intertwined.

So, you can see why I haven't thought it necessary to pray excessively about this crisis. If Dubie is our next governor, and if all we need are the NRC's OK and Bill Irwin's, as well, no divine intervention will be needed.

In the meanwhile, yes, Entergy's Pilgrim Plant in Massachusetts is plagued with a tritium problem, but both Entergy and the NRC seem absolutely upbeat about it. Even though the tritium levels at Pilgrim are now well above those considered safe by Federal standards, the spokesperson at Pilgrim has assured the public that the tritium poses no safety threat. And our old friend Neil Sheehan of the NRC has expressed satisfaction with the steps that Pilgrim is taking to fix the tritium leak--and he has said that regardless of the fact that the leak seems to be getting significantly worse.

So, God, while things here at Entergy/VY are progressing swimmingly, I'm kicking back and gluing myself to the TV. No, not to Glee. The plot lines of that miniseries are too complicated for the likes of me. For example, I can never really tell when people are lying. Instead, I'm watching the progress of the 33 trapped Chilean miners as an escape capsule brings them to safety one-by-one. Isn't it reassuring how a tale of corporate neglect, greed, and disregard for safety can be transformed into one of heartwarming heroism in which everyone who plays along survives, and the wives get free mascara, to boot?

Amen,

Fake-Rob

Is That Little Kevin I See?

2010-10-07T15:08:00.005-04:00

Dear God,

Torrents of a toxic sludge that has drowned four people in Hungary, burnt more than 120 (even through their clothes), and turned four lovely villages into irredeemable swamps of red mud that no one should ever touch has reached the Danube. While panicked people flee the area, the Hungarian prime minister has called for calm, and stressed that there is no radiation in the sludge. MAL Zrt, the Hungarian Aluminum Production and Trade Company responsible for the disaster, has issued a tremendously helpful advisory saying that, while the sludge contains heavy metals and is toxic if ingested (and, evidently, can burn the bejeezus out of you), it is not hazardous.

What a PR opportunity this Hungarian disaster has been for all of here at Vermont Yankee, where we try each day:

To remind the public that we're all entitled to our own opinions but not our own facts, and
To bring attention to the good works of our employees.

See! Just below this paragraph is evidence that at least one kindergartner from the Vernon Elementary School has followed the example set by our I Love VY employees. Five-year-old Little Kevin is in Hungary to help. I recognize him by the the protective gear that we at Vermont Yankee donated to our little neighbors across the street. Isn't that guy adorable? Doesn't he make you home proud?

And do you think maybe I should issue a press release pointing out that one advantage that Vermont Yankee has over MAL Zrt is that any environmental disaster we cause won't leave awful footprints on carpeting?

I dearly hope that the Times Argus runs these photos on its front page, where today it has a survey today asking whether people think the legislature should vote again on license renewal for Vermont Yankee. Little Kevin's mommy could vote. Twice.

You know what I always say, Lord. Vote early. Vote often.

Amen,

Fake-Rob

Truth Boogies

2010-09-27T22:29:00.008-04:00

Dear God,

I knowst. It's not August any more, or at least it's not where you and most people are. But at Vermont Yankee, we have our own timetable. For example, it's still the 1970s in terms of how we envision the world's energy future.

Though, it's true, I haven't prayed 'lo this long time. August whatever, to be exact. I'm sorry, Lord. But in my defense I've not really been remiss.

I've been studying singing.

Really! It's an amazing way to spend one's vacation, and a bit of a stretch for me to have done at my age, what with even my speaking voice beginning to sound like a cross between a very old Harry Belafonte and a very young Pee Wee Herman. But, as it turns out, I should have started my singing lessons long ago. For I've learned that, if one holds one's tongue in just the right position, one can resonate in one's nasal passages the vibrations of the vocal chords, and thereby fully support one's voice as it emerges. One ends up sounding angelic, reliable, invincible--like the very embodiment of truthfulness. Imagine how this could have come in handy over the years.

Let me demonstrate. I'll announce the August and September news that I, in my absence, missed. Your job will be to raise your hand if anything I say sounds like anything other than a bold-faced lie:

The independent oversight panel opined that Vermont Yankee's corporate culture needs an overhaul and, and that VY has to begin providing reliable information to regulators and legislators.
VY's decommissioning fund is still about half a billion dollars short.
People are still mad at VY for lying to the oversight panel and to regulators.
The NRC has slapped VY's wrists with a ruler (but, thank You, not with a new rule) for endangering its workers.
Entergy has been compelled to take part in the 2013 energy capacity auction, despite the fact that it has no assurance VY will be in operation in 2013.
There are rumors that Entergy wants to sell VY, reason being that the Vermont legislature might be willing to allow VY to operate for an additional 20 years if any company other than Entergy were running it.
Some kook in Brattleboro has put a referendum on the ballot, and he has done so without clarifying what "eminent domain" could possibly have to do with nudity.
The Global Wind Energy council predicts that, within four years, installed power capacity from wind turbines around the world will probably rival the potential generation of electricity from nuclear plants.
The state of Connecticut has been awarded $40 million in a nuclear waste dispute. That's because no one can figure out what to do with the waste from the decommissioned Connecticut Yankee nuclear power plant.
The old ladies attacked us again.

Hmmm. I saw lots of hand-raising there, Lord. But, well, actually those statements sounded true because they were true. That's right. I didn't blow them out my nose.

Ok, but NOW I'm going to give you roughly the same news, only this time with the approved VY take on all of the news items. Which is to say that these pieces of news will come to you enhanced by my new nasal-reliant vocal technique. Again, raise your hand if anything I say sounds to you like the truth:

The independent oversight panel announced that with, with adjustments in its culture, Vermont Yankee can operate safely after 2012.
The combined efforts of the NRC, the DPS, and Vermont Yankee ensure that the fund remains adequate enoughish.
The NRC has said that the VY license request information is accurate, though they do want VY to re-evaluate its Buried Piping Inspection Program. We would actually be more than happy to do that now that we've admitted to having buried piping.
Despite the NRC's displeasure at VY's "process weaknesses" regarding worker safety, the NRC identified no issues that require VY to do anything noticeably different.
Entergy is confident Vermont Yankee will be operating in 2013--so confident that VY expressed its confidence only days after several blown fuses caused an "unusual event" emergency at the plant.
No comment.
"Eminent domain" has nothing to do with nudity. Granted, if that kook gets what he wants we will be royally exposed and, if we have the emotional capacity, embarrassed, as well.
No comment.
Really no comment.
No comment--but it was kinda fun wrestling them to the ground again.

I saw lots of hand raising, Lord! Good job! Yes, indeed, each and every one of them sounded like the God's truth. Hark, the herald Rob is high!

Amen,

Fake-Rob

Ho Hum

2010-08-19T10:36:00.006-04:00

Dear Lord,

Was it your divine intervention that confused Rod Blagojevich's jurors enough to render them incapable of convicting him on 23 of the 24 counts against him? If so, do you charge by the hour?

Or maybe you've already intervened on our behalf. After all,

The Brattleboro Reformer of August 14 reported that, "In its report to the Legislature’s Joint Fiscal Committee, submitted on July 26 and released to the public on Aug. 12, Fairewinds Associates, which is operated by Arnie and Maggie Gundersen, wrote that state agencies conspired to 'belittle the accurate analysis of Fairewinds Associates, Inc. rather than investigate the existence of underground pipes at (Vermont Yankee nuclear power plant).'" Did the masses even read that? Because if they did, I'd have though they'd have risen up in outrage and stormed either the administrative buildings in Montpelier or the nuclear power plant here in Vernon. But nada, from anyone.
Fairewinds Associate's entire report is now on the Joint Fiscal Committee's web site. Yet no one seems to have looked up from their beach novels long enough to read it, much less comment.
Scientific American published an article titled "Safety Concerns Have Delayed Approval of First U.S. Nuclear Reactor in Decades," and in it they quoted Fairewinds Associate's Arnie Gundersen. By doing so they might have significantly added to his credibility, furthering him on his path toward becoming a bonafide local hero. But, nah. People don't read Scientific American. It's too...wordy. So they checked their iPhones and applied sunscreen to their children as they frolicked in purposeful certitude about the Eden that is Vermont, even though they sunned themselves on the banks of the contaminated river.

I know you're powerful, Lord. I know you can cause frogs to fall from the sky, and that you can spread locusts across the land. So, please, be straight with me this one time. We've been unbelievably lucky of late on the PR front. Have you been pulling strings behind the curtain for us? Or is this just August?

Amen,

Fake-Rob

How Not to Write a Press Release

2010-08-12T13:40:00.006-04:00

Dear Lord,

I got the most unfortunate email today. It was a press release from "Shut It Down," that group of old lady activists who continue to protest at our nuclear power plant.

Here is how it started: "As a plume of radioactive, tritiated water flowed toward the Connecticut River from Entergy's Vermont Yankee nuclear power plant here on Tuesday, August 10, eight women blocked the gate to demand the immediate shutdown of the 38-year-old facility."

And then it went on and on and on and ON about the old ladies' arrest. What, may I ask, does the arrest of those eight women have to do with the plume of radioactive, tritiated water? Granted, the first item (the arrest), by virtue of being recent, is legit news. But the second item (the leak) is old news, and leading the press release with that information turns a newsworthy event into a real snorer. Get over the leak, ladies! Move on!

Imagine if I were to have written some of VY's recent, snappy press releases with the old ladies' puerile phrasing:

As a plume of radioactive, tritiated water flowed toward the Connecticut River from Entergy's Vermont Yankee nuclear power plant, "the Vermont Yankee nuclear power station automatically shut down.... [But] there has been no release of radiation...."

As a plume of radioactive, tritiated water flowed toward the Connecticut River from Entergy's Vermont Yankee nuclear power plant, "Vermont Yankee control room operators brought the 650 megawatt nuclear power plant back into service. There was a delay early Sunday morning while reconnecting to the New England power grid when operators noticed that generator readings were different than expected and disconnected from the grid...."

As a plume of radioactive, tritiated water flowed toward the Connecticut River from Entergy's Vermont Yankee nuclear power plant, "a recently completed root cause analysis of a tritium leak at the Vermont Yankee Nuclear Power Plant determined that leak was primarily caused by an earlier design deficiency and inadequate inspection of an underground area of the plant that could not be accessed."

As a plume of radioactive, tritiated water flowed toward the Connecticut River from Entergy's Vermont Yankee nuclear power plant, "the plant [operated] at 100% power...."

and

As a plume of radioactive, tritiated water flowed toward the Connecticut River from Entergy's Vermont Yankee nuclear power plant, Entergy's Chairman and CEO, J. Wayne Leonard said, "This is how Entergy operates."

I would be the laughing stock of the PR world, right? Take a lesson, ladies!

Amen,

Fake-Rob

I Really Need You Tonight!

2010-07-08T08:52:00.002-04:00

Dear God,

When you're trying not to nod off at the wheel, do you sing to yourself really loudly with the windows open—especially on the highway, but sometimes even if you're driving through a sleepy neighborhood?

I've stopped drinking coffee because of what it does to my stomach. So this morning on my way to work I couldn't quite keep my eyes opened. I get in early; most people weren't awake when I was driving in today. And so I was singing, and at the same time I was thinking about tonight's Public Service Board meeting, where …

… [t]he Public Service Board will take public testimony at a hearing tonight on whether the Vernon nuclear plant should be shut down. Several groups have submitted petitions supporting the plant's shutdown based on recent radioactive leaks discovered on Yankee's grounds.

I know I've said this before, Lord, but I'm worried. And I'm thinking that tonight it would be really great if some Vermont Yankee supporters could show up and tell everyone about how the folks at VY are all healthy, normal, careful people with a refurbished I Am Vermont Yankee website to prove it. This iteration of our website features a whole bunch of good-looking people who aren't even getting fired or indicted.

So, like I said, I was driving to work early. I was probably too sleepy to be at the wheel. And I opened my windows wide and I sang my favorite song from the 1980s. Really, it's our plant's theme song. Do you know "Total Eclipse of the Heart?"

Turn around, Bright Eyes. Every now and then I fall apart.

Just let that line sink in, Lord. We do at Vermont Yankee. Over the past several years that song has become our company song. When we sing it in the cafeteria it's as though, our voices merged in joy, we have become the spirit of the plant.

Anyway, I delivered that line a couple of long, loud times--maybe even more than that because it felt so damn good to emote. And then I saw lights coming on in the houses around me. So I sang even more loudly. Hey, people might have been annoyed at being awakened, but I felt like the town crier, delivering an essential message to every one of our supporters in the area. Or every two. All seventeen. Whatever.

And here it is, God. I'll sing it to you. It's beautiful, and it means so much to us. It's not just the line about falling apart that's significant. There are also lines about "making it right," "taking it to the end of the line," always "being in the dark," and "living in a powder keg and giving off sparks."

But God? Before I start singing, just let me say that I really do need you tonight, at 7pm at BUHS. Bring friends.

I'll start off plaintively, though not in the legal sense. And as I sing, please imagine the Vermont Yankee employees that you see at the refurbished I Am Vermont Yankee website holding hands, swaying to the music, and lifting their voices to the heavens.

…And I need you now tonight
And I need you more than ever
And if you only hold me tight
We'll be holding on forever
And we'll only be making it right
Cause we'll never be wrong together
We can take it to the end of the line
Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time
I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark
We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks

Here I'm going to get really loud.

I really need you tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight

Now I'll soften, because this is the part of the song that makes all of us at VY weep.

Once upon a time I was falling in love
But now I'm only falling apart
There's nothing I can do
A total eclipse of the heart.

Amen,

Fake-Rob

Newton Says...

2010-06-28T22:15:00.006-04:00

Dear God,

What goes down must come up. And then go down. Whatevsies.

Just a blink of an eye ago our stock price dropped. Today, despite the fact that trading volume for Entergy was slightly lower than normal, there was an unusual volume (about six times normal) of call contracts traded. That and we had an unusually low put/call ratio. Which, according to Market Intellisearch, indicates that "[Entergy] stock is expected to make a move."

In what direction I can't say, because I don't know what CEO J. Wayne Leonard has planned. Maybe this has something to do with Vermont lawmakers calling for phenomenally expensive repairs at Vermont Yankee.

But maybe it has to do with doubts about the long-term viability of cooling our plant with Connecticut River water. Did you see the New York Times article noting that the planet is drying up faster than the global warming folks had predicted, and that water scarcity recently forced the temporary closing of nuclear power plants in Australia, France, Germany, Romania and Spain?

There's no indication in today's weird put and call numbers about what's up or why. All I know for sure is that CEO J. Wayne Leonard has already admitted that nuclear power is not a good business risk for the 21st century.

But there is good news in all of this. Finally I have a bit of intelligence about Entergy that Arnie Gundersen didn't beat me to. Take that, Arnie! And your little dog, too!

Amen,

Fake-Rob

The Devil Is in the Details

2010-06-21T02:08:00.016-04:00

Dear God,

Please consider two related news items:

Apparently BP thought its oil spill could be 100 times larger than it told Congress.
Five of the world's seven sea turtle species are threatened by the BP oil spill.

I like these two news items because, when considered together, they reveal how easily the public can be misled by details. Let's do some math together so I can show you what I mean. If the oil spill were really 100 times larger than BP told Congress, wouldn't that mean that 500 of the world's 7 turtle species would be threatened by the oil spill? Well, no, 'cause that's impossible! Such a statement doesn't even make sense! But the average Joe might not appreciate that right away. Reading those two headlines, Average Joe might get outrageously mad at BP, unnecessarily.

My point, you see, is that paying undue attention to details in headlines can exponentially increase confusion.

Playing down the details is therefore a large part of what I do at Entergy Vermont Yankee. It's a large part of what our engineers do, too. For example, according to a "report" by our lawyers, Dave McElwee tried hard to protect Arnie Gundersen from certain details about underground piping. And now he's catching heat for that! But think about it carefully, God. Persistently, insistently, and always acting in official capacity on behalf of the state legislature's Joint Fiscal Committee, Arnie had been asking, "Is there underground piping that carries radioactivity at VY?" Eventually Dave answered in the negative. Why? Not because he wanted to mislead, but because the details of the correct answer (affirmative) would only have confused Arnie--about whether he had the right to ask that specific question. Arnie believed that he did. Dave, apparently, fervently hoped that Arnie did not.

If Dave had intentionally given the wrong answer 100 times more frequently to Arnie than he did, would he have been 100 times more guilty of intentionally misleading Arnie? Let's do the math.

Dave obfuscated the truth. Mathematically speaking, though, the sincerity of Dave's hope that Arnie wasn't entitled to ask about the truth rendered "0" the measure to which Dave was guilty of intentionally misleading.
What's 100 times 0? 0.
Is 0 > 0? Of course not. Not ever.
Ipso facto, even if Dave had intentionally given the wrong answer 100 times more frequently than he did, he would not have been guilty of intentionally misleading.

But don't take my word for it, God. Read any math text book for the axiom about multiplying numbers by 0. And read the Morgan Lewis & Bockius LLP "Report of Investigation: Entergy Nuclear Vermont Yankee", pages 105-113, for an incredible blow-by-blow description of how:

Arnie doggedly and repeatedly asked a simple question about piping.
Officials at Vermont Yankee were aghast at having to provide Arnie, an official representative of the state of Vermont, with information.
There was at least one official of the state of Vermont with whom officials at Vermont Yankee felt considerably more comfortable. It was Bill Irwin, Vermont's top radiological officer. He seemed so damn sympathetic to Vermont Yankee's desire to keep Arnie out of the information loop. Bill even wrote in an email to Dave that, "The comments of Mr. Gundersen [about the possibility of the existence of underground piping] are hyperbole and, in my opinion, bordering [sic] on irresponsibility."
Bill may actually have considered himself very much part of the VY "team." He marked a nearly identical email he sent to Uldis Vanags, the state's nuclear engineer, as "For Internal Use Only!!!!". Still, he seems to have copied the email to Dave. Dave circulated the email to a large handful of VY executives. You gotta love those four exclamation points, God. Without the emphasis they add to the words "internal" and "only" I never would have appreciated how closely the interests of Vermont Yankee and the Douglas administration are intertwined.
Apparently a whole lot of conversations happened at VY among top engineers and executives about underground piping. Upon questioning, however, none of the engineers and executives could remember very many details of those conversations. This is probably a good thing because, as I've noted above, details can confuse.

The "report" of Morgan Lewis & Bockius LLP is priceless, Lord, especially that 8-page section, 105-113. Those pages make it as undeniable as the seven mysteries of the Church that McElwee didn't intentionally mislead. Rather, he intentionally conveyed information that wasn't the truth and represented it as the full truth.

If this all seems like splitting hairs, Lord, maybe some more math will help you keep your perspective. The associative law of mathematics states that in repeated multiplication or addition, grouping does not matter. The associative law of how business is done in Vermont evidently states that repeated groupings between state employees and corporate employees does not matter.

Speaking of which, Lord, Bill Irwin asked me to tell you "Hey!"

Amen,

Fake-Rob

There Goes the Neighborhool

2010-06-16T16:22:00.006-04:00

Dear God,

BP has agreed to suspend paying a dividend and to set up a $20 billion fund for oil spill claims.

It's like the levy breaking on Lake Pontchartrain. Woosh. Things will never again be quite the same.

If BP can fold to pressure in this way, how will FirstEnergy fare? In Toledo, its Davis-Besse nuclear power plant (which once almost blew its lid) has sprouted cracks and flaws in as many as 16 critical parts. Will FirstEnergy post enough money to compensate Toledo and even Cleveland for the loss of all business and, indeed, people if something awful were to happen?

God, I hope not.

Because if they do, what will happen to us? Shay Totten has called us out for our Leak of the Week club. He has also pointed out that we tend to wait until late on a Friday to announce the flavor of our latest leak. This revelation may lead to an unnerving increase in the purchase of Saturday papers … or to a demand that Vermont Yankee pony up for the shortfall in its decommissioning fund.

Add our recent scram, and our admission that Strontium-90 was in the soil all along. This has been the kind of month that leads a PR guy to drink. It's also led our company's CEO to say that the nuclear businesses is not a good business risk.

There goes the neighborhood. FOR SALE notices will be going up first thing you know. Rats will start leaving this sinking ship. Signs of change are everywhere. Our IAmVY.com site is gone. And remember Curt Hébert's video recital of Rudyard Kipling's "IF"?

Gone.

Someone took it down from YouTube. Someone even took Curt Hébert "down," and he was supposed to fix everything for Entergy up here after, you know, they took down Jay Thayer.

Lord, Lord, Lord have mercy, for (apparently) we know not what we do.

Amen,

Fake-Rob

Hallelujah!

2010-05-28T09:14:00.014-04:00

Dear Lord,

I don't know how you do it! I just want to let you know that not only do I adore and worship you, I admire your PR abilities.

The fish in the Connecticut River are poisoned with Strontium-90. The Associated Press today ran a story about yesterday's unplanned outage. Lord knows what they'll run tomorrow, because today we got caught harboring sinkholes near where the leaks of radioactive isotopes occurred. We've had to abandon our plans for Enexus, and we're fighting for our lives with the Vermont legislature. But look at this: No one cares anymore!

Click the graph to enlarge it.

Click the graph to enlarge it.
According to Google's Insights for Search feature, interest in Vermont Yankee peaked in the third quarter of 2009 when these were the news stories:

State Board to Consider Vermont Yankee Shutdown
Top Vermont Yankee Official 'Relieved of Duties'
Tritium Search at Vermont Yankee Turns Up Reading 90 Times Higher than Previous Record

But this week, no one seems to care about us. Interest in Vermont Yankee is tanking! And as we say in the PR business…. Actually, I don't remember what we say in the PR business.

But thank you, Lord. This apathy is truly miraculous. And don't you just love Google?

See my Google movie!

Amen,

Fake-Rob

Meet the Little Yanks!

2010-05-26T09:50:00.001-04:00

Dear God,

Who says we're not taking the discovery of Strontium-90 in fish in the Connecticut River seriously? Even the youngest among us are concerned. Gosh, those mutants are cute and sensitive, and with just the right amount of environmental concern, to boot. Though they do worry too much.

Amen,

Fake-Rob

Who Would Elvis Costello Side With?

2010-05-21T11:22:00.003-04:00

Dear God,

Oh, I just don't know where to begin.

The lab analyzing the damage of the oil spill has a huge contract with BP.
People are saying that the NRC, long accused of being a lapdog to the nuclear power industry, let Entergy Vermont Yankee off too easily when they found no violations regarding our epic tritium leak.

Now, really. The fuss people are making about these things! It's reminds me of the hoo-hah about the independent investigation that concluded that Entergy Vermont Yankee did not intentionally mislead investigators and state regulators concerning buried piping. The investigation turned out to have been conducted by our own lawyers, a discovery that raised questions about independence. Well, who do people expect us to hire to check us out quickly if not a firm that knows us well?

And who do BP critics expect them to hire to get their tests done if not a crew who comes to their Christmas parties?

And c'mon, God. Can't you help people see that unprecedented disasters are rare by definition, and therefore not often quickly followed by similar disasters? Everyone should relax and let the entire nuclear industry do its job of providing power that is too cheap to meter honestly. We're not going to have another tritium leak, and neither is anyone in the industry now that awareness has been heightened. And the oil industry is unlikely to have another catastrophic oil leak.

It's not like we're driving hit and run. We learn from our accidents. They happen.

Amen,

Fake-Rob

Safe, Clean, and Reliable

2010-05-20T08:32:00.006-04:00

Dear God,

"Now is the time for clean energy, Mr. President." Robert Redford just said that, and he said it, like, in response to a photo of some baby sea turtle or something smothered in oil down in Louisiana. It's all these disgusting photos on the Huffington Post that have famous actors singing the praises of wind, solar, and biomass power.

But what about clean nuclear power? If we had a nuclear accident the scale of the BP oil disaster, our wildlife photos wouldn't be nearly as heartbreaking as these photos coming up from the Gulf Coast. There's nothing muddy about cases of radiation overdose. Look here at what Wikipedia says:

A few symptom-free days may pass between the appearance of the initial symptoms and the onset of symptoms of more severe illness associated with higher doses of radiation. Nausea and vomiting generally occur within 24–48 hours after exposure to mild (1–2 Gy) doses of radiation. Headache, fatigue, and weakness are also seen with mild exposure. Moderate (2–3.5 Gy of radiation) exposure is associated with nausea and vomiting beginning within 12–24 hours after exposure. In addition to the symptoms of mild exposure, fever, hair loss, infections, bloody vomit and stools, and poor wound healing are seen with moderate exposure. Nausea and vomiting occur in less than 1 hour after exposure to severe (3.5–5.5 Gy) doses of radiation, followed by diarrhea and high fever in addition to the symptoms of lower levels of exposure. Very severe (5.5–8 Gy of radiation) exposure is followed by the onset of nausea and vomiting in less than 30 minutes followed by the appearance of dizziness, disorientation, and low blood pressure in addition to the symptoms of lower levels of exposure. Severe exposure is fatal about 50% of the time.

So, wow! Up to 50% of our wildlife could survive an event. But that turtle fouled by BP? He could easily be a goner. And, with radiation sickness the deaths are clean, if you can stand a little vomit and diarrhea. If you can't, no worries. Photographers don't win Cute But Sad Picture awards for snaps of puking porcupines, so they won't take the shots in the first place. They couldn't come within a 100 miles of a photo opportunity, anyway, without risking their lives.

So the good news is that there will never be pictures from Vermont to match those we're currently seeing from the Gulf Coast. The bad news is that there's been a lot of talk in Vermont lately about how the cozy relationship between federal regulators and the oil industry created just the right environment for something disastrous like the BP oil spill to happen. The implication is that we have similar regulatory shenanigans going on up here between the NRC and Entergy Vermont Yankee. Well, I say, "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone."

For example, you! Mr. Robert Redford! Your good looks and suave manner have made you a rich man, and have probably gotten you into more than a few beds. Do you really expect us to believe that you've never been in bed with a federal regulator? Given how easy that is to do, I doubt it highly, sir.

God, right now I'm seeing this BP oil spill as a potential plus for nuclear power, given that our post-disaster photos would be so much cleaner than those from BP, and given that the call for clean energy is arising in the land. Every cloud has a silver lining, God. Every last cloud.

Thank you for clouds, Lord. Oh, and thanks for all that silver, too.

Amen,

Fake-Rob

Metal Fatigue and Compassion Fatigue

2010-04-18T20:47:00.003-04:00

Dear God,

You know, I just hate to let a good prayer go to waste. And I've written some good prayers about the Davis-Besse nuclear power plant, which seems to have a safety and performance record second only to that of Vermont Yankee in terms of the trouble it presents its PR people.

Well, Lordy, Lordy. New safety problems have just arisen at Davis-Besse, and they're far worse than expected. I know that, in solidarity with PR guys throughout the nuclear power industry, I should be praying on behalf of Davis-Besse.

But I've already prayed about that plant--6 times since November of 2007!

Here (including a cute picture of a big-eyed cat, if you like that sort of thing).
Here (including a picture of Prince, who, like Vermont Yankee and Davis-Besse, neglects to put time and money into maintenance).
Here (including the awful possibility that people are getting sent to jail over their Polish accents).
Here. (It's a quiz!)
Here. (If you like "I Love Lucy", this one's for you.)
Here. (Well, here is where I actually explain that, in the late winter of 2002, the Davis-Besse plant was discovered to have a six-by-five-by-four-inch cavity in the liner of the core. All that remained of the liner was a warped piece of steel a little thicker than tin foil. It and it alone contained approximately 2500 psi of highly radioactive internal environment. Had the pressure burst through the remaining lining and into the reactor containment building, it might have set in motion a core meltdown. Toledo is only 21 miles away from the plant.)

Anyway, we've had some of the same problems as Davis-Besse--tritium leaks, for example. But now it seems that as many as 16 critical parts in the Davis-Besse reactor lid are cracked or flawed, and engineers expect to find more problems in the coming weeks. That's huge! Still, with all the trouble we've been having here in Vermont, I just can't get it up for that plant one more time. And really, what can one expect with an aging reactor, anyway? So would it be sacrilegious of me to ask you to consider all of those previous prayers to be playing on "repeat" tonight? Huh, Lord? Please?

Amen,

Fake-Rob

The Day the Earth Stood Still

2010-04-05T11:52:00.005-04:00

Dear God,

Entergy announced this morning that "that effective immediately it plans to unwind the business infrastructure associated with the proposed separate non-utility nuclear generation and nuclear services companies while it evaluates and works to preserve its legal rights."

Whoa. Big news. If only I could figure out what that means.

It has something to do with our intention to "unwind the internal organizations created for Enexus Energy Corporation and EquaGen LLC to eliminate dis-synergies."

Eww. Dis-synergies. Kill them before they multiply.

Anyway, gossip around here has it that Enexus is dead. New York State didn't like it, and the Vermont legislature killed a measure to support Vermont Yankee in a license extension. So there's a pause in the PR battle. For me, today is the day that the earth stood still.

"Klaatu barada nikto," is what I have to say about that.

I'm going home. Maybe I'll take a stress pill and lie down. Then tomorrow when I come back, I'll join my colleagues in "moving forward on the business side to create and capture value unrealized today." Whatever.

Amen,

Fake-Rob

Yes We Can!

2010-04-04T10:21:00.006-04:00

Dear God,

On Friday April 2, 2010, the Brattleboro Reformer boldly proclaimed in headline, VY Staffers Absolved in Wrongdoing.

And so, God, I say unto you: If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible; who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time; who still questions the power of our democracy, this week is their answer. An independent investigation led by our long-time legal counsel has concluded that we did not intentionally mislead investigators and state regulators concerning our buried piping. We are innocent and pure of heart.

And that's the answer.

This week held the same answer (just ask her lawyer) for Marsha Ward, 27, of Brattleboro, who was arrested April 2 for causing a disturbance at Hannaford. She was cited to appear in Windham District Court at a later date to face the charge.

This week held the same answer (just ask her laywer) for Lola M. Dodge, 33, of Brattleboro, who was charged April 3 for trespassing at her boyfriend's house. She had previously received a written warning for doing precisely the same thing. Dodge will appear in Windham District Court on May 1 to face the charge.

This week held the same answer (just ask his lawyer) for Robert J. Williams, 72, of Bellows Falls, who was arrested March April 1 for the possession and cultivation of marijuana. Police executed a search warrant at his apartment on Canal Street, where they found 19 marijuana plants along with grow lights and potting soil.

This week held the same answer (just ask her lawyer) for Elissa P. Brooks, 34, of Putney, who was arrested March 30 for DUI after police stopped her vehicle for weaving and driving on the sidewalk. Upon further investigation, police found Brooks' dead great aunt riding shotgun.

1984 held the same answer for Union Carbide, whose leak of methyl isocyanate (MIC) at a pesticide plant in Bhopal, Madya Pradesh, India, killed thousands on the spot and poisoned as many as 500,000 others. Just ask Union Carbides' lawyers.

2000 held the same answer for Firestone, whose exploding 15" tires caused more than 250 deaths and 3000 injuries. Just ask Firestone's lawyers.

1989 held the same answer for the captain of the Exxon Valdez, and for Exxon itself. Just ask those lawyers.

It is the answer spoken by young and old, rich and poor, Democrat and Republican, black, white, Latino, Asian, Native American, gay, straight, disabled and not disabled - Americans who send a message to the world that we can get away with anything, anything, because we are big. We are great. And some of us are rich.

Yes we can. Yes we can. Yes we can.

Amen,

Fake-Rob

A Plumbing We Will Go

2010-04-01T19:09:00.004-04:00

Dear God,

While Attorney General Williams Sorrel is looking into the possibility of criminal charges being pressed against Entergy personnel who testified under oath that Entergy has no buried pipes, I'm still working to help the public understand the subtle difference between "buried" and "underground" as those terms relate to pipes.

Meanwhile, we're doing another heck of a job with our new Cesium 137 problem.

Amen,

Fake-Rob

Destroying the Village in Order to Save the Village

2010-03-30T11:10:00.007-04:00

Dear God,

I should be getting combat pay.

We have come into Vermont and trashed the place, and it's not our place.
We have sworn that there were no underground pipes, when the underground pipes were leaking tritium and other isotopes.
We have promised transparency, while asking our attorneys to block the release of information central to our transparency claim.
We have called our attempt to block the release of information an attempt to make the truth more widely available. "The purpose of the motion was not to conceal information, but to make it public," Larry Smith, my homie, has said.

Hey, God. Here's something fun:

Q: What do you call a PR guy who comes up with logic like Larry's? Or a VY executive who doesn't know that there are underground pipes containing radioactivity?

A: A radioactive isodope.

Amen,

Fake-Rob

A Heck of a Job

2010-03-26T09:00:00.016-04:00

Dear God,

My head throbs. My heart aches.

We are trying to build trust with Vermonters outraged by the lack of "nuance" in our communications with the Public Service Board and certain oversight whatevers about underground pipes. "Now is the time to rebuild the confidence Vermonters have in Entergy," we said to the assembled media at a press conference we called on Thursday morning.

We have [quoting from our own press release of 10 am March 25] "embarked on a six-point, fleet-wide initiative to become an industry leader in tritium leak prevention, detection, and mitigation. The six-point initiative includes benchmarking industry best practices, prioritizing structures, systems and components, improved inspection techniques, and improved strategies for prevention, monitoring and mitigation of leakage." Wow, Lord. Leaders! Wow.

I had high hopes of this all turning out to be a plus for Entergy Vermont Yankee. “This team has proven that a difficult problem can be solved with the right combination of expertise, experience and willingness to work day and night to see the project through to successful completion,” our press release quoted Entergy Site Vice President Mike Colomb as saying in gratitude to the investigation team "for the dedicated, careful, and thorough approach it took in investigating, identifying and stopping the tritium leak." Yes! The music swells! The crowd surges forward, tears of relief and happiness running down once-concerned citizens' adorable faces!

But then, Mark Savoff, Entergy’s executive vice president for operations, said to reporters that, with regard to tritium, we did a heck of a job.

A HECK OF A JOB?????

Do you remember, Lord, what happened the last time someone did a heck of a job?

How can we expect the people of Vermont, New Hampshire, and Massachusetts to trust us to run an aging nuclear power plant when we can't even run a PR campaign?

Amen,

Fake-Rob

The Fight is Far From Over

2010-03-03T10:02:00.014-05:00

Dear God,

OH, YEAH???

You think that the Vermont Senate's expression of disgust with our corporate behavior means that you've spoken, and that's the end of things, and that it would be "primo" for the people of the towns and states near Vermont Yankee to "forgive" the likes of me?

What have you been smokin'? The fight is far from over.

In anticipation of next year's legislative fight, we've gotten our lawyers to do an "independent, outside investigation" concluding that we NEVER intended to lie to regulators or investigators about the existence of underground pipes.

And as Ray Shadis points out, our lawyers are powerful. Why, Shay Totten reports that Ray calls them the consiglieri to the nuclear mafia!

And you should already know how close the nuclear industry worldwide and the mafia are, given that I've already prayed about the mafia handily disposing of 30 ships containing nuclear waste.

Ray has got his head up his comb-over. The people of the illustrious firm of Morgan, Lewis, and Bockous show no signs whatsoever of being mafiosa (or of being independent, for that matter). As Shay reports,

[I]n 2008, the firm represented Entergy Nuclear Vermont Yankee in a lawsuit against the U.S. Department of Energy for failing to create a disposal solution for high-level radioactive waste. It also represented AmerGen, the company that tried to buy VY before Entergy.

Hey, Morgan, Lewis, and Bockous are even representing our Entergy sister plant, the "Indian Point nuclear reactor, in its relicensing proposal before the NRC"!

Look, God, I thought we had a relationship. I thought you cherished me. Respected me. That we had an understanding. And then you dare to confuse me with some guy named "Primo".

Oh, forget I ever said I loved you!

Fake-Rob

The Vote Is In

2010-02-24T19:54:00.005-05:00

PEOPLE OF THE EARTH,

GUESS WHAT? IT'S ME. I WAS ON YOUR SIDE ALL THE TIME.

BE KIND TO FAKE-ROB WILLIAMS. FORGIVENESS IS PRIMO. AND SO IS FAKE-ROB

SO BE IT,

GOD

Oh, That's Where I Parked My Car!

2010-02-19T10:50:00.004-05:00

Dear God,

Well, I had planned not to pray here until after the vote, seeing as how tension is high and no one is laughing at much. But darn, God, something has come up that I thought I should confide to you.

I know I've alluded in my prayers to gambling problems among the staff at Vermont Yankee. For example, in a prayer of January 8, 2009 I wrote:

Miss Fake-Rob's Guide to Excrutiatingly Correct
Nuclear Power Plant Behavior
in Relation to Our Employee Gambling-Slash-Working Way Too Much Overtime Problem

DEAR MISS FAKE-ROB,

My husband works at the Vermont Yankee nuclear power plant in Vernon, Vermont. He tells me that gambling problems are rife among employees at the plant and that the pervasiveness of the gambling culture is endangering safety. Employees who have stifled their feelings about routinely risking the lives of their friends and families go on desperation-fueled gambling binges, lose big, and then need to work double shifts to cover their losses. The result: scheduling is whacky and risky. People are working in geyser-like bursts, and as a result some are in danger of being asleep at the wheel. What does etiquette demand that I do with the information my husband has given me about the culture at a facility that can reasonably be said to hold our fate in its hands?

GENTLE READER,

Miss Fake-Rob is sympathetic with your concerns about going up in flames and all of that. But you are a fuddy duddy. I wish you a boring life, and I hope your husband leaves you soon.

Have I also mentioned to you our drinking problems? Well, it seems that I've got one, anyway. 'Cause I recently went with my friends down to Atlantic City on a drinking and gambling binge, and when I came back I couldn't remember where I parked my car.

Guess what? Apparently, I parked my Cobalt in standing water in the advanced off-gas piping tunnel. Silly of me. And funny that Chevrolet would name one of its coupes after an element that the CDC says can be very dangerous to health.

Amen,

Fake-Rob

Thinking of You

2010-02-18T11:33:00.006-05:00

Dear God,

Can you hear my thoughts? I have been praying privately, not here. Matters have become critical; laughter is no longer fun. So much depends on the outcome of Wednesday's legislative vote.

Please keep your eye on the ball.

Amen,

Fake-Rob

I Was Vermont Yankee

2010-02-10T22:42:00.011-05:00

Dear God,

Click the image to see it larger.

Someone took down the I Am VY site! So I had to improvise.

Amen,

Fake-Rob

The Iceman Cometh

2010-02-09T09:54:00.005-05:00

Dear God,

Do you in your all remembering-ness remember the Eugene O'Neil play "The Iceman Cometh"? A colorful assortment of impractical, deluded men and women hang out in Harry Hope's bar, bolstering themselves with booze and "pipe dreams"—ideas of the honest folk they will become, not today, but someday. Tomorrow. Meanwhile, in the more immediate future, they're looking forward to the loads of fun they'll have "once Hickey gets here." Hickey is a traveling salesman. He sells ice. He always buys drinks. He'll come any day now. Any minute. Maybe that's him.

And then Hickey comes, but he's not the loveable drunk he's always been. He's sobered up, and with him he brings a message about facing up to the truth. He tells his truth. A few years back, he murdered his wife. But, as he explains, he did it out of love for her. Apparently, his whore-mongering had always driven her to tears, so, with noblesse oblige, he'd relieved her of her misery. Or that was his story, anyway. As the play progresses it turns out that even that story is a lie. He'd killed her because she'd cheated on him, too. No nobility to be found, not anywhere, in what Hickey has done. As he reveals his story, other characters reveal theirs.

They're all poseurs.

Ok, so there we've got a story about people doing harm to others by enmeshing themselves in fantasy rather than acknowledging their motivations and their actions. And when they come clean, there's no real cleanliness to it. That's us, right God? Lies on top of lies on top of lies. Then there's the "pipe dream" analogy that could be drawn between O'Neil's play and the last few weeks at Vermont Yankee. But don't make me say more about that. It's all so painful. Maybe I can pray about it someday. Tomorrow. I'll do it tomorrow. Anyway, I am sorry we mis-communicated about those pipes. Won't happen again.

Lord, I've become weepy and unnerved. Things are unraveling here. Our fantasies are being pierced, and our hopes are only confusing us now. And guess what? The most awful thing has happened.

The iceman cometh.

Really. A guy delivered ice, and he didn't get stopped at the checkpoint.

We must kill the fantasy of tomorrow and face the realities of today. So said Eugene O'Neil. So say the activists. So say the media. So say Governor Douglas and David O'Brien. So say the legislators, even Paul Hodes from New Hampshire. So says my conscience.

But my conscience I can quiet. Always have.

Hey, Lord, this all reminds me of a good joke:

Husband says to his wife, "Honey, has the iceman come yet?"

Wife says, "No, dear, but he's breathing hard."

Amen,

Fake-Rob

The Meek Won't Inherit the Earth

2010-02-04T12:19:00.013-05:00

Dear God,

"Yours is the earth," says a video narrated by Curt L. Hébert Jr., executive vice president for external affairs at Entergy. The video is his gift to people of the energy industry. So, apparently, is the earth. (He's actually just reciting Rudyard Kipling's "If," but in the context of the debate about safety at Vermont Yankee, "If" has acquired a heckuva lot of unanticipated depth.)

Hébert has been asked by Entergy CEO J. Wayne Leonard to head a team of company senior staff handling Vermont Yankee matters.

Pleaes don't take my word for it about "If"'s new depth, God, or about what the video reveals about Carl Hébert. Follow the link. I'd put the whole video right here but I can't; on YouTube this particular video has embedding disabled.

In Carl We Trust. Wow.

Amen,

Fake-Rob

UPDATE: In his Vermont Daily Briefing, Philip Baruth has also commented on Carl Hébert's rendition of "If." Oh! So did VT Digger.

Petey Sweety's Prayer

2010-01-31T22:49:00.016-05:00

Dear God,

I haven't prayed in a while. I hope you'll understand that I've been busy putting out fires (though not of the transformer variety). And I trust you've not been left lonely, what with all the prayers you are surely getting from Entergy officials who attended various hearings, conferences, and press conferences in Montpelier and Washington this week. January 27, actually, seems to have been the apocalyptic of day for us. On that day:

At the invitation of Rep. Tony Klein, Lorraine Rekmans testified in Montpelier to the House and Senate Natural Resources Committees about the health and environmental devastation caused by uranium mining in her community. Rekmans is from the Elliot Lake region of Ontario, part of the Lake Huron watershed. Uranium from that area was used to fuel Vermont Yankee until 1996, when the mines closed. Rekmans said that ten lakes in her area are used "as cesspools for tailing waste." And she didn't seem to be exaggerating. I tooled around a bit on the Internet and found a website operated by the Southwest Research and Information Center's Mining Program. It included recommendations made regarding the Elliot Lake Tailings Management Areas. And get this, God. It said:

The Elliot Lake Tailings Management Areas are among the largest uranium production waste sites in the world, surpassed in size only by sites in Southern Africa and Eastern Germany. The sites contain thousands of tons of hazardous radionuclides and heavy metals simply as a result of their sheer bulk, materials which present potential human health and ecological risk for hundreds to thousands of years, beyond the less than fifty year life of the production phase of the operations. While the radioactive material content of the TMAs is well recognized, the immense volume of heavy metals is less well understood. The Denison TMAs contain 15,000 - 30,000 tons of lead (assuming 250-500 ppm lead in the tailings in Denison EIS Table 3.1.17 and 60 tons for each one part per million for a 60,000,000 ton volume such as the Denison TMAs), 3000 tons of cobalt (at 50 ppm from Table 3.1.17), as well as 1500 tons of nickel, and more than 600 tons of chromium among other hazardous and radioactive constituents including 15,000 - 30,000 tons of thorium....

Lordy, Lordy! Try to say all that three times fast while wearing a t-shirt that says "Safe, Clean, and Reliable."
Also testifying before the Senate and House Natural Resource Committees, Kevin Kamps of the watchdog organization Beyond Nuclear warned that it is likely that Vermont Yankee's leaking radionuclides will drastically ramp up decommissioning costs.
Meanwhile, also in Montpelier, the Public Service Board reamed out Entergy for what it perceived as a pattern of deception. This is the very same PSB that, only two shakes of a lamb's tail in the past, seemed very much in favor of Vermont Yankee's relicensure. The Rutland Herald reported that it appeared to James Volz, the Douglas-appointed chairman of the PSB, "that Entergy had given not just false sworn testimony to the board, but also to the Public Service Department, to the state's contractor, Nuclear Safety Associates, the state's Public Oversight Panel, the Legislature and the public." The PSB has re-opened its inquiry into the benefit if any that Vermont Yankee presents to Vermonters.
And there's another "meanwhile" that my superiors at Entergy were praying about. Also in Montpelier, Arnie and Maggie Gundersen of Fairewind Associates in Burlington were in the midst of laying out to legislators in astonishing detail just what that pattern of deception had been when, apparently, they began to lose their audience. It wasn't that the Entergy officials and lawyers and legislators were uninterested in the Gundersen's well-documented testimony. It was that…
The Governor had called an impromptu press conference in which he blasted Entergy and Vermont Yankee and asked for a halt in the process of relicensing Vermont Yankee. He gave a whole list of impressive reasons why, but I won't bore you with them here. You in your all-readingness read the papers. Though I must say that I, for one, wonder whether a post-NRC-meeting phone call from Senator Leahy, Senator Sanders, or Representative Welch precipitated Governor Douglas's hasty and apparently butt-covering announcement.

Well, after the Governor's announcement, Entergy Vermont Yankee officials from Montpelier to Vernon ran scurrying off to light votive candles and visit their confessors, and a few legislators did, too. Somehow the Gundersens still received an invitation to complete their testimony another time. So, as you can see, Lord, I've had good reason to believe that the artery that normally carries my prayers to you directly from Vermont Yankee was clogged this week with the prayers of my company superiors as well as those of certain denizens of Montpelier and Washington. In the meanwhile, I do want to make one remedial offering for having been so lacking in devotion. It's a prayer, but it's not actually by me, and I'm not even sure whether it's to you. It's by Petey Sweety at Green Mountain Daily. I'll just say the first few stanzas here, and then hope you will follow the link.

Entergy the Person Says

Please let us do our work in Peace
there is nothing to be alarmed about
we're making some technical adjustments

everything will be fine in a half-life
we're a human being here for God's sake
the Supreme Court just said so

a person like us has problems and feelings too
how would you like it if everybody attacked you?...

I'm sure you can see why I like this prayer, God. It strikes just the right tone. Please, read the rest of Petey Sweety's prayer here at Green Mountain Daily.

Amen,

Fake-Rob

PS: Woops! WCAX is reporting mucho bad news on the tritium front!

And The Eiffel Tower is Taller than I Am

2010-01-20T20:30:00.005-05:00

Dear God,

The newly-found tritium levels at Vermont Yankee--somewhere between 721,000 and 2.1 million picocuries per liter"--may be 100 times the Federal hazard level. That's "relatively high."

And the moon is a very big rock. Grizzly bears can be crabby when you wake them up. It's chilly on Mars.

And 150 gallons is just a drop in the bucket.

Amen,

Fake-Rob

They've Misunderestimated Me (English 101)

2010-01-14T08:37:00.005-05:00

Dear God,

OMG, God, even the Associated Press has the story! Skeptics are accusing us of double-speak for having given "different answers about the extent of underground piping — one to a consultant hired by the state Department of Public Service, part of the administration of Republican Gov. Jim Douglas, which has generally been friendlier to Vermont Yankee, and another to a panel of experts brought in by Democratic legislative leaders, who have been more critical."

Well, if any of those skeptics or AP reporters talk to you, please just send them my way.

I'm the PR guy here, during this period of time. And I think that when the history of this period is written, people will realize a lot of the PR decisions that were made here took place over a decade or so, before I arrived in the PR guy, during I arrived in the PR guy. (Not actual English. I know. Whatever. I'm paraphrasing our previous president. And as he kinda said, what we really don't want to happen here is what happened a few years ago in California. Remember? It was the result of not enough power-generating plants and then not enough power to power the power of generating plants.

And, yes, the fish and the human being can peacefully co-exist.

Amen,

Fake-Rob

Cloak and Dagger Stuff

2010-01-12T10:30:00.006-05:00

Dear God,

Psst! Can you hear me? Sorry. I'm whispering. I don't want the NRC inspector who is here checking up on our the-public-shouldn't-be concerned-about-any-kind-of-health-consequences tritium leak to hear me.

He's trying to help us figure out how our underground pipes are leaking, given that we have no underground pipes. Or so we claimed last year to the special Oversight Panel examining Vermont Yankee's reliability.

Let me put this frankly, God. We need a little divine intervention. Not only do we have the piping to explain away, we have the fact that we claimed as recently as last week that tritium had never been found in groundwater here. Turns out, it was found at Vermont Yankee in November, and last week's tests just proved that the problem is quickly getting worse.

Tritium is not just a potential health problem. It could be an expensive clean-up problem during decommissioning, for which we're already woefully under-budgeted. According to the Green Mountain Daily, at Connecticut Yankee, decommissioning cost an additional $481 million dollars due to radioactive contamination of the soil and water from tritium and Strontium 90.

Invisible decommissioning clean-up costs may be mounting, God. Can you help me put a good spin on this?

[A rolling thunder is heard, and then a deep, booming voice.]

Nurse: Doctor, there is an invisible man in your waiting room.

Doctor: Tell him I can't see him now. Next.

[More rolling thunder.]

Thanks, Lord. Divinely inspired, if a bit loud.

Amen,

Fake-Rob

Tritium Again! (with special bonus "Evacuation Safety & Sanity Tips")

2010-01-09T09:37:00.005-05:00

Dear Lord,

Did you see that tritium is in the news again this morning? Thank You it's not my problem, though it is Entergy's problem.

The news in today's papers is about a two-day "unusual event" that started on November 2. At Entergy's Indian Point nuclear power plant, a problem in a generator caused Unit 2 to shut down. Consequently, the steam release valves were intentionally opened. That was appropriate; it is part of normal shutdown routine. But then the valve stuck open and remained open for 42 hours while 600,000 gallons of tritium-laced steam were released over the Hudson Valley.

As you can imagine, the people of the valley and of New York City are pretty upset. Neil Sheehan has stressed that the level of tritium in the steam was below the allowable federal level for drinking water. But what is the safe level for inhaled tritium? Sheehan hasn't said, and I bet he doesn't know.

Meanwhile, according to the New York Daily News, the Entergy officials at Indian Point, in an attempt to calm the public, said that the company "wasn't concerned about the amount of radioactivity released into the atmosphere."

Well, that's comforting.

I think, Lord, it's time for me to re-pray my January 8, 2008...

...TEN HANDY EVACUATION SAFETY AND SANITY TIPS

1. To beat the traffic, evacuate the day before an emergency.

2. Radiation exposure is especially harmful to children. Build up your children's immunity by programmaticly giving them x-rays beginning shortly after birth.

3. Dress your child in a haz-mat suit for Halloween, just in case that's a bad day for us.

4. Always pack your child's lunch box with holy water.

5. Ask your doctor whether cancer is always as serious as you've been led to believe.

6. Remember that, even if your children are in a school in Guilford, Vernon or Brattleboro, no force in creation can stop a good parent like you from cowboying your way through police lines to get to them once they have been cordoned away from you and proclaimed a public health risk to others.

7. Appreciate the way that evacuation puts your life problems in perspective.

8. Try not to read too much into the little details like how in heaven's name you will ever rebuild your life even if you and everyone you love survive.

9. If you actually work at the Vermont Yankee plant, every day ask yourself, "Hmmm, does this coffee taste a little too potassium iodide-y?" Lousy coffee is a morale buster. During an evacuation, a bright outlook will go a long way.

10. Remember that heart disease is actually our nation's number one killer.

Amen,

Fake-Rob

Tritium Leak

2010-01-08T09:24:00.001-05:00

Dear God,

What the heck's a "multi-disciplined team?"

"Yankee has assembled a multi-disciplined technical team," Yankee
spokesman Real-Rob Williams was quoted as saying in today's Reformer. It was in an article announcing that tritium, a radioactive isotope, has been found in a groundwater well at Vermont Yankee.

I know what a multi-disciplinary team is. But we don't need one of those. We've got Bill Irwin, Vermont’s chief of radiological health, acting as as our chief apologist. The astute application of a little government endorsement at times like these can go a long way toward mitigating a PR disaster and, who knows, maybe even an environmental one. Thanks, Bill!

You know, Lord, I had a small dog once, and I used to hit him on the nose with a rolled up newspaper whenever he disobeyed. I had to do it a lot, actually, when he was a puppy. So maybe what Real-Rob meant to say was that we have a technical team here at Vermont Yankee, that they've let some pretty scary things happen, and that even though we're claiming that there are no health risks involved in this tritium leak we're taking it seriously. We're going to discipline the team again and again until they grow up and make this plant safe, clean, and reliable.

After all, what's an ace security force good for if not for the skilled application of newspaper to nose?

Let me know if you hear anything more about the tritium leak. 'Cause a tritium leak could signify that there's a whole plume of contamination under the reactor. Concentrations of the tritium might be far higher other places than in the one well we just happened to test.

Also, please keep in close touch about the multi-disciplined team. 'Cause if members of the media start asking questions about them, we could be brought up on charges of cruelty or something.

Thanks for all your help, Lord. I've got your back, too.

Amen,

Fake-Rob

And I Made a TV Commercial, Too!

2010-01-07T00:51:00.011-05:00

Dear God,

OMG, our television commercials! Back in December they seemed just about perfect, but now that 2010 has hit, all that I can say about them is, "What were we possibly thinking?" We featured employees making claims about the safety of the plant and the price of power. Now I realize that specifics about all of that just leave us open to attacks from the media about credibility. Our steam dryer has new cracks, we're dripping tritium into the Connecticut River, pipes carrying God knows what are leaking everywhere, the cooling tower keeps bailing on us, we forgot to monitor radiation at the fenceline, Federal regulators said that the concrete-and-steel "dry casks" that we use to store spent nuclear fuel were not tested as completely as they should have been, we keep having to evacuate our workers, and the 81 "action items" identified after a reliability assessment have been addressed but not acted on.

And the price of power? Let me just say that by offering a higher rate than the going rate we have not elicited cheers and confetti from the good people of Vermont.

My new media strategy is to stay vague. And so, just like I made that nice, pink "I Love Vemont Yankee" web site to replace our broken green "I Am Vermont Yankee" one, I've made us a kinder, fuzzier television commercial. And because some members of the media complained about everyone featured on "I Am Vermont Yankee" being homogenous, my new mush-mouthed spokesman is definitely non-mainstream (nuclear plant worker-wise). That and he works for candy.

And so now I present for your viewing pleasure a Vermont Yankee television commercial in which our spokesman says nothing, absolutely NOTHING about which people can take us to task. Really.

Is it rolling, Bob?

Aren't we adorable?

Amen,

Fake-Rob

Pink is the New Green

2010-01-05T00:01:00.003-05:00

Dear God,

Are you hoping to see the new, pink-hued "I Love Vermont Yankee" web site that replaces our broken, green "I Am Vermont Yankee" one? Then click here.

Amen,

Fake-Rob

It's the Economy, Stupid

2010-01-04T09:26:00.008-05:00

Dear God,

In 1992, Clinton campaign strategist James Carville hung a sign in campaign headquarters. It said, "The economy, stupid," and Carville hung it to remind everyone to stay on message about money. The American people, Carville knew, want desperately to achieve the American dream.

Well, it's déjà vu all over again, and this time J. Wayne Leonard, CEO of Entergy, not Bill Clinton, Big Guy of Little Rock, can show the American people how to dream big and accomplish big. That's because J. Wayne personally made $54 million in three years alone.

So what do you think about this idea, God? Just like John Nagy once taught an entire nation how to draw, J. Wayne can teach everyone to be rich! Near as I can tell, his formula hinges at least in part on the timely declaration of bankruptcy.

After Hurricane Katrina, see, Entergy New Orleans was faced with an enormous cleanup. So, at J. Wayne's prompting, the company declared bankruptcy, thereby qualifying for $200 million in disaster relief funds, roughly 9.7% of which went into J. Wayne's pocket.

It's not difficult to imagine disaster scenarios in Vermont that could further enrich our hero. Remember Enexus! Remember Fairpoint! Remember the cooling tower and the steam dryer!

Lord, whadya say J. Wayne and I make a television program? Legislators can gather at their plasma screens and watch J. Wayne as he demonstrates with charcoal (or Cayman Island bank accounts, whatever) how to create both shade and shady deals. Then, fully satisfied that allowing Vermont Yankee to operate for an additional 20 years makes sense, they can vote to enrich J. Wayne Leonard, American hero, at the expense of Vermonters everywhere.

You see, Lord, James Carville was right. It is the economy that matters. Cue happy music!

Amen,

Fake-Rob

PS: Anti-nuke activists organized by Safe & Green and the Vermont Yankee Decommissioning Alliance have already embarked on their walk to Montpelier. Bless their verdant little hearts. Keep your fingers crossed for snow, and maybe a little ice.

Troubling End of Year Thoughts

2009-12-29T22:57:00.008-05:00

Dear God,

If you read "the newspapers," as Sarah Palin does nearly every day, no doubt you have learned that the United States intelligence community was warned well before Christmas that "a Nigerian" was preparing for a terrorist attack. But the intelligence community did not act on the information received. The result of someone's (or a few people's) decision to "bury" the reported danger was almost catastrophic, and apparently there will be hell to pay when President O'Bama lives up to his promise to hold people accountable.

Perhaps there is a parallel to be drawn between that example of woefully poor decision making and a decision that must be made here in Vermont in 2010.

Entergy Corp. has recently announced that it plans to ask Entergy Louisiana customers to cover a $45 million shortfall in the fund that will pay for the eventual shutdown of the Waterford 3 nuclear plant in Taft, Louisiana.

Vermont Yankee's decommissioning fund has an even bigger shortfall than that of Waterford 3. What do you think, Lord?

When the Vermont legislature assesses the potential economic impact on Vermonters of renewing Vermont Yankee's license in 2012, will they take into account this intelligence about Entergy sticking Louisiana ratepayers with a bill they never anticipated having to pay?
How could anyone imagine that the economic benefit to Vermonters of renewing Vermont Yankee's license could outweigh the economic liability, given that the shortfall in Vermont Yankee's decommissioning fund is not $45 million but nearly half of a billion?
Will there be "hell to pay" for Vermont legislators who turn a blind eye to what is happening right now in Louisiana?

Your speedy answer will be much appreciated, God, by me and by our legislators. And, if you wouldn't mind, could you be speediest about answering question #2? The "how could anyone imagine" part is my biggest concern. It's going to be my job as PR guy to get our legislators to imagine precisely along those lines.

Amen, Lord, and I hope you're keeping warm this week.

Fake-Rob

There Ain't No Sanity Claus

2009-12-21T11:47:00.006-05:00

Dear God,

Friday we made the state of Vermont a gentleman's offer. We will raise the price of electricity from 4.2 cents per kilowatt-hour to 6.1 cents. Over the next 20-year period we will raise that price annually by a specified index. That price is well below what consultants on our payroll have projected as the future of energy prices. That price is also above the current price of power. We will discontinue sharing revenue with Vermont utilities. Over the past forty years, revenue sharing has allowed the utilities to provide very inexpensive power to Vermont homes and businesses, but to everything there is a season, turn, turn, turn. The price we have offered will only apply to 115 megawatts per year. The offer we've made makes no mention of the nearly half a billion dollar shortfall in the decommissioning fund. And the offer we've made wasn't even made by us. It was made by Enexus, the finances and structure of which are "mired in gobbledygook."

We ask only that the state of Vermont approve the spinoff of Vermont Yankee into Enexus, and that it offer Enexus a 20-year license renewal for Vermont Yankee, thereby allowing the health, safety, environmental, and financial shenanigans will continue.

To sweeten the deal, we will even remove the horse's head from Pete Shumlin's bed.

You tell me, God. How do you think the legislators will respond?

Amen,

Fake-Rob

These Are a Few of My Awful-est Things

2009-12-01T10:47:00.013-05:00

Dear God,

Tee-hee. I ate A LOT of turkey on Thursday, and the tryptophan has yet to wear off. So I've had some difficulties writing coherently about some of the recent goings-on in the nuclear industry.

And so, as I often have when pressed with the need to feed the public's appetite for reliable facts that they can assess, I will instead present you and, of course, the public with a distraction. Here's this week's amusement. Let's call it ...

THE COMING-ON-CHRISTMAS 2009 "AWFUL-EST THINGS" NEWS QUIZ!
a/k/a Raindrops on Roses and Whiskers on Kittens

1. On November 27, 2009, what awful thing happened in the pants of a security officer at the Davis-Besse Nuclear Power Plant in Ohio?

(A) Someone put a banana in them.

(B) His Huggies® leaked. (Hey, it happened to me once.)

(C) On November 27, 2009, at approximately 0734 hours, an accidental discharge of a security officer's sidearm occurred at the Davis-Besse Nuclear Power Station (DBNPS) resulting in a leg injury to the officer. The accidental discharge occurred in the Primary Access Facility. The onsite DBNPS first aid team and the Caroll Township Emergency Medical Services responded to the Primary Access Facility. The injured officer was in stable condition and transported off site [at 0800] to St. Vincent Hospital [in Toledo, OH].

"Both the Ottawa County Sheriffs Office and the Caroll Township Police Department responded to the DBNPS site to obtain information.

"The Ottawa County Emergency Management Agency (EMA), the Lucas County EMA, and the Ohio EMA were notified of this incident. The NRC Resident Inspector has been notified.

"Plant operation was not affected by this incident. [The plant has received calls from the media however,] no press release is planned at this time."

2. What awful thing happened in—oh, say—India recently?

(A) Tritium, a heavy radioactive substance, was found in the drinking water of a nuclear reactor building in Kamataka. Sixty-five workers drank the water. The incident only came to light when their urine samples were tested.

(B) Union Carbide offered to build another pesticide plant.

3. What awful thing happened in Canada this week?

(A) General Electric attempted to shield its finances from the risks of accident at nuclear plants. The Globe and Mail says:

"One of the world's largest nuclear plant suppliers has ordered its Canadian division to hermetically seal itself off from its U.S. parent, going so far as to forbid engineers at the U.S. wing from having anything to do with Canadian reactors.

"The move by GE Hitachi Nuclear Energy is spurred by concerns about liability – if an accident at a Canadian plant spreads damage across the border, Americans might be able to sue the parent company. The result is a Canadian company cut off from the technical advances of its parent, a leading player in the industry.

"The company also won't allow any equipment built or designed by the U.S. parent to be used in Canadian reactors for the same reason."

(B) Entergy attempted to shield its finances from the risks of accident at nuclear plants. (Technically, this didn't happen in Canada. But Vermont is close enough to Canada to meet NRC specs.)

4. What awful thing happened in Vermont this month?

(A) All of the Democrats running for governor said they would like to see Vermont Yankee shut down when its license expires in 2012.

(B) There's nothing that can top that.

Answers: Follow the links to get 'em.

Amen,

Fake-Rob

Everybody Take Five, and Then We'll Shoot the Tsunami Scene.

2009-11-16T12:02:00.007-05:00

Dear God,

Pardon me if I yawn. Senate President Peter Shumlin said he'll vote against a 20-year license extension for Vermont Yankee. As if he ever would have voted for it, even now that we've added him to our Christmas dance party invitation list.

In other news, the disaster movie "2012" (the whole world goes this time) broke box office records this weekend.

It opened at No. 1 domestically with $65 million and pulled in $225 million worldwide. The people of Vermont are lining up at the Kipling Cinema! Why, then, are the people of Vermont reluctant to re-license Vermont Yankee? We have a disaster movie waiting to happen here! Even in the midst of a recession, we could all get work as extras!

And then, in really other news, Carrie Prejean lost about a million dollars in her settlement negotiations with Miss California USA after her undisclosed sex tape fell into the pageant's hands. Well, I have an obscene tape here that stands to lose us a whole lot more than a million.

Just ask Pete Shumlin.

Amen,

Fake-Rob

Flies Fly In, Flies Fly Out

2009-11-09T22:29:00.005-05:00

Dear God,

I'm thinking maybe it's time for Entergy to pony up for a full, paying subscription for me with the Wall Street Journal Online.

Look what I found there today (posted, actually on November 3):

HOLLYWOOD, Fla. (Dow Jones)--Entergy Corp. (ETR) remains committed to spinning off five of its nuclear power plants into a stand-alone company, but the company's chief executive suggested a possible alternative Tuesday if it can't win regulatory approval in New York.

Entergy Chairman and Chief Executive J. Wayne Leonard said the company could spin off its utility businesses into a stand-alone company to accomplish the same goal of separating its regulated utility businesses concentrated in the Southeast from its nuclear plants that sell ....

And that's all I know! Because to read the rest of the article, I need a paying subscription, but Entergy is so miserly about paying for anything here at Vermont Yankee, that I don't have one!

Anyway, it looks like, if Entergy can't spin Enexus off, it might spin off everything else into some phenomenally wealthy, as-yet-unnamed entity and leave the five merchant plants to a newly impoverished Entergy. I call that creative thinking! Hey, that's why we pay him the big bucks!

Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! (Echo, echo, echo.)

Pete Shumlin, close your mouth before the flies fly in. You shoulda seen this comin'!

Amen,

Fake-Rob

Happy Birthday to Me!

2009-11-01T08:09:00.008-05:00

Dear God,

Hey! Nobody called to say "Happy Birthday!" to me. I've been offering up my prayers here on Are You There, God? It's Me, Fake-Rob Williams for two years plus five days now—ever since October 26, 2007.

Actually, I expected more from my co-workers. And, to be honest, they sorta kinda remembered my birthday. They spent the last few weeks drawing up lots and lots of lists about how they were going to celebrate my birthday. They identified experts to help them celebrate my birthday. They chose silly hats and assigned budgets for candles, cake, and ice cream. They devised methodologies and goals and benchmarks. They made a lot of photocopies of everything they wrote down. They even officially chose which song to sing. (As if they weren't going to sing "Happy Birthday to You" all a long. But, hey, it's important to be methodical and write all this stuff down, so they wrote it down, and got credit from the Department of Public Service for doing so.) There were, like, 80 things they promised to do!

But then my birthday whizzed by and I didn't hear a thing from anybody about it. And there was nothing … NOTHING … that I or the DPS or the state of Vermont could do about it.

Lists and promises don't count for much, I guess.

Lord, speaking of lists and promises that don't count for much, did you hear that a legislative report on our progress addressing the 80 areas of concern identified in last fall's independent assessment of Vermont Yankee's future reliability has sharply faulted us for a lack of progress?

What could those legislators possibly be talking about? Just like with my birthday plans, we're being methodical. We're making lists, identifying experts, choosing dunce hats, assigning budgets for candles, cake, and ice cream, and devising methodologies, goals, and benchmarks. Our Xerox machine is going, like, 24 hours a day! The Rutland Herald even quoted Stephen Wark of the DPS as saying that "It appears that Vermont Yankee is on track to have a plan on how to resolve the problems by the end of this year." (By which, to parse the truth out of that sentence, he means that we are on track to have a plan by the end of this year, and that plan will likely get us our certificate of public good, and then we will set out to resolve the identified problems by 2012, but if we don't solve any or all of them there won't be a hell of a lot anyone can do about it.)

So I guess this is a trust issue. The DPS must give us the certificate of public good based on our many diverse lists, and not on any actual accomplishments. Then the people of Vermont and neighboring New Hampshire and Massachusetts must hope that we'll actually do what our lists have indicated we will do. And, yes, we haven't always lived up to our promises. For example, we haven't fully funded the decommissioning fund. We also didn't make sure that the uprate didn't increase radiation exposure to the public. And until we got caught not measuring radiation emitted by the dry casks, we never measured that radiation.

But, really, Lord, we are making progress, and on more than one front. Did you see in the Reformer that we're claiming that the decommissioning fund is now only $40 million short? If we're right about that preposterously low-ball estimate, the state of Vermont has nothing to worry about. That's poker money for Entergy CEO J. Wayne Leonard! I'm sure he'd ante up in a pinch.

And what if we never get around to adequately addressing the 80 areas of concern identified in last fall's independent assessment of Vermont Yankee's future reliability? Why, we even have a plan for that! We'll finally have my birthday party! We'll buy the people of Vermont and neighboring New Hampshire and Massachusetts dunce hats and a huge sheet cake!

And I'll eat cake with them.

Amen,

Fake-Rob
.

In France They Kiss On Main Street

2009-10-13T12:09:00.007-04:00

Dear Lord,

Today and tomorrow we may witness the untimely death of the myth that France tidily recycles its nuclear waste. Apparently, Electricité de France, the world's largest producer of nuclear power, is in the unfortunate position of having to deny reports in the French newspaper Liberation that it is using open-air containers in a town in Siberia to dump its radioactive waste. According to Liberation, the town is closed to journalists. Liberation also said that only 10-20% of the waste stored in this town is recycled and sent back to EDF for use in power plants.

Bad news for the nuclear industry, eh? That's the way it's been around here lately. For example:

Just when I was rejoicing that we (Entergy Vermont Yankee ) were getting rid of Wackenhut Security Services so that our security forces wouldn't be operating in southern Vermont under the taint of charges of rape, murder, and the like, four old ladies walked with their lawn chairs through two of our security gates and sat there, obtusely and picture-perfectly, until arrested. Our guards did try to close exit gate and trap them, in the hopes of maybe wrestling them to the ground, but they didn't know how to do that.
Just when things started looking good for Enexus (the Department of Public Service approved the spinoff plan), things also started looking bad. Greenpeace pointed out that Enexus benefits Entergy shareholders at the expense of Vermonters. It's a charge that's hard to deny given that Money.cnn.com has started going all goo-goo eyed over how great it is going to be for Entergy to be out of that shaky, awful, unpredictable, who-wants-this-crap-anyway, don't-let-the-door-hit-you-in-the-butt nuclear power business. Which might set the Vermont legislature to wondering just what the economic benefit to this area is of handing VY a license to polarize thie community for another 20 years and divert resources away from a green revolution.
Even if Electricité de France is able to refute the Liberation story, recycling nuclear fuel is beginning to look terribly dangerous. In Europe, where recycling is de rigeur, they're apparently contracting the mafia to blow up radioactive waste on boats and sink it in the ocean. And so it's probably making Vermonters increasingly nervous that, even if Vermont Yankee doesn't get a license extension, spent nuclear fuel will remain at Vermont Yankee for 100 years or more, where it will be vulnerable to attack by plane. (I'm assuming that's a bad thing because, at Connecticut Yankee, each of their casks contains a Cesium and Strontium inventory equal to 10 Hiroshima bombs.)
Don't even get me started on the report featured this morning in the Reformer predicting that shutting down Vermont Yankee would result in a job increase in the area.

So, Lord, it's been a hard week or so for me, though I do try to maintain my God-given sense of humor.

Lawyer: I have some good news and some bad news.
Client: Well, give me the bad news first.
Lawyer: The bad news is that the DNA tests showed that it was your blood they found all over the crime scene
Client: Oh no! I'm ruined! What's the good news?
Lawyer: Your doctor saw the test results. Your cholesterol is down.

We do have good news. It is this:

Governor Jim Douglas doesn't care a hoot about whether Vermonters get a good price for energy from Entergy.

Life is still beautiful. Kiss me!

Amen,

Fake-Rob

Mafia Applies to NRC for 20-Year Renewal of License to Sink Boats Containing Radioactive Waste

2009-09-27T18:03:00.005-04:00

Dear, God!

Remember that I prayed about the Mafia maybe "disappearing" ships containing nuclear waste? Well, that idea has legs! Or, anyway, it has fins.

Apparently, radioactive waste disposal is a lucrative business. An informant for the Calabrian Mafia says that he has deliberately blown up three ships containing toxic waste—and that 30 such vessels have been scuttled by the Mafia. The sunken ship that is currently being searched for toxic materials is said to have 120 barrels of radioactive waste on board.

Most interesting: The Calabrian city prosector told reporters, "For the moment, we do not know the origin of the waste, but it is probably from abroad." That does not implicate Vermont Yankee directly. After all, we found the 3 fuel rods we lost in 2004. And we account for all of our waste and, in fact, store it right here, legally, next to the Connecticut River, in an earthquake zone, right above the flood plain, and unprotected by attack from an airplane. We don't need no stinking Mafia.

That said, the AFP reports that, according to the vice president of the environmental group Legambiente, the Mafia has sunk ships with radioactive material for the last 20 years.

Which means their licensing period is up, and if they want to continue to dispose of waste from the United States, they'll have to apply for renewal of the NRC's coveted License to Irresponsibly Dispose of Products That Could Ruin the World. But I hear they have connections everywhere, so approval should be no problem.

Amen,

Fake-Rob

When "Disappear" Is a Verb

2009-09-16T14:25:00.004-04:00

Dear God,

Ahem. Well, this new twist on the nuclear waste issue may not go well for Entergy Nuclear Vermont Yankee. Anyway, it seems that there is a high index of suspicion that the Mafia may have blown up one or more ships with nuclear waste that someone wanted to "disappear." What you see here is the image of a toxic barrel on a suspected Mafia shipwreck. It was taken by an underwater robot camera.

Italy, though! Not America! Phew.

Still, I'm going to lunch. And then dinner. I may just disappear for a while.

Amen,

Fake-Rob

And the Answer Is ....

2009-09-14T16:03:00.003-04:00

Dear God,

The answer is "Wackenhut." In addition to creating security lapses at the embassy and urinating on each other and dancing around in G-strings in a Muslim country, Wackenhut guards let a truck carrying a pipe bomb onto the grounds of America's largest nuclear power plant, lost track of several guns, fell asleep en masse while on duty at Peach Bottom (and disciplined the one guard who reported them to the NRC). Another guard fell asleep at Three Mile Island. In 2007 four Wackenhut guards were convicted of the rape and murder of a college student working at a motel near their work site. In 2008 Vermont Yankee was cited by the NRC for unspecified security violations that would have fallen under Wackenhut's aegis. Wackenhut guards have been implicated in rape and torture in several states, where they work in prisons.

Rumor has it that VY is terminating their association with Wackenhut. Which would only be a good thing.

Amen,

Fake-Rob

I've Got a Secret

2009-09-12T07:59:00.003-04:00

Dear God,

The Brattleboro Reformer finally ran an article that I've long worried they'd run. It was about J. Wayne Leonard's compensation as CEO of Entergy. The article kicked up a stir, but it did not touch on some of the finer points of his compensation package, which is good. For example, it did not say that roughly 9.7% of the Katrina disaster relief funds that Entergy applied for and received went into J. Wayne Leonard's very own, private pocket, a nuance that I prayed about in March in The Wonderful World of Leonard and a whole year before that in No J. Wayne Leonard News Today. Thank you, Lord, for imbuing the Reformer with discretion.

And, golly, Lord! Thank you also for the fact that no one in our local media has yet made the connection between Entergy Nuclear Vermont Yankee and "a pattern of blatant and longstanding violations” at the American Embassy in Kabul. Oh, Lord, I just love secrets, don't you? I especially like them when they involve phrases like a "Lord of the Flies environment,” and "climate of fear and coercion!" It gets me so excited that, on days like today when I've got a secret that no one has guessed, I have to wear Huggie Pull-Ups® to work, and then wrap the arms of my suit jacket around my waist and dangle the torso of my jacket over my butt, all so people don't wonder know I'm wearing big-boy diapers.

I've got a secret, I've got a secret, I've got a secret. Oops. Heh. Gotta go.

Amen,

Fake-Rob

Supervisor Tested Positive for Alcohol

2009-09-01T09:56:00.004-04:00

Dear God,

Man walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Say, I can't serve you! Aren't you supposed to be stone-cold sober for your shift at Vermont Yankee, where you will supervise other employees and help them make the good decisions that might keep the people of Vermont and neighboring New Hampshire and Massachusetts safe in spite of the ever-present dangers presented by the plant?"

Man says, "Not that I'm aware of."

Good joke, huh?

Amen,

Fake-Rob

Giant Plant Eats Rodents

2009-08-22T11:38:00.007-04:00

Dear God,

After all my years of service, it's turned on me! It's trying to eat me!!!!!!!

Oops. Sorry. Wrong plant. Wrong rodent.

Amen,

Fake-Rob

NRC Initiates "Cash for Clunkers" Program

2009-08-20T23:38:00.001-04:00

Dear God,

With the U.S. government ending its popular "cash for clunkers" program on Monday, two months early, the Nuclear Regulatory Commission has stepped into the breach and started its own version of the popular program.

The NRC has offered to allow Entergy Vermont Yankee to pay only $51 million of an approximately $500 million obligation to handle in full the costs of decommissioning Vermont Yankee—all in an attempt to keep the current nuclear power clunker in Vernon, VT running, despite the fact that its condensor is so old that it's lucky to withstand gravity.

Unfortunately, as opposed to the Cash for Clunkers program that has proven to be such a boon to the car industry as well as to American citizens with cars too old to be safely driven, the financial burden for the new NRC program will not be absorbed by the Federal government. Rather, it will fall to the people of Vermont. As noted by nuclear engineer Arnie Gundersen, the Chair of the Comprehensive Vertical Audit and member of the legislature's oversight panel…

The formula that the NRC uses to calculate the amount of funds licensees must escrow for cleanup is simplistic and will underestimate the funds necessary to actually decommission the units. For example, the NRC calculates the decommissioning cost for VY to be approximately $500,000,000 while VY's own analysis places the cost at approximately $1,000,000,000. That significant difference leaves ratepayers or taxpayers saddled with an enormous burden after the plant is shutdown.
Assuring that only the "minimum decommissioning costs" are escrowed ignores the historical fact that the there have been significant cost overages, including a half a billion dollar shortfall at Connecticut Yankee (CY). Focusing on the "minimum" cost defers the true cost over to generations of citizens who did not use the power generated by the plant but are trapped with the cost after the plant is shutdown. The $480 Million shortfall by CY was unfairly borne by Connecticut's ratepayers after significant electrical generation profits were paid to the corporation and its stockholders.
While some of the NRC licensees are corporations with assets beyond the nuclear plant, some are Limited Liability Corporations (LLC's) with no assets beyond the licensee's single power plant. When one of these so-called "merchant" plants that are LLC's face a decommissioning shortfall, there are no other assets to pay for the true decommissioning cost of the facility. Vermont Yankee currently faces a $500 Million shortfall above the NRC formula. Entergy continues to attempt to shield VY behind a LLC so that there appears to be no way for these costs to be recovered from the LLC. As the NRC approved plan stands now, these additional $500 Million in costs will ultimately be borne by the citizens of the State of Vermont up to sixty years after the plant stops generating electricity.
By ignoring such major concerns in its proposed regulations the NRC policy is analogous to rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic. It seems to me that the NRC has made only minor adjustments to its proposed regulations as discussed today. I believe that in the long term, these minor changes to the current regulations will be detrimental to the public as it is the residents of each state that will ultimately be forced to absorb additional decommissioning costs for years after final shutdown. The goal of Decommissioning funding should be that those people who use the power from the nuclear plant will pay to clean it up. The existing NRC system, even as discussed in today's meeting, will continue to kick the can down the road, so to speak, so that these costs will be a huge burden upon future generations.

If Arnie doesn't quiet down, this could be very bad for us, God. So … how should I spin all of this to the people, considering that Arnie has yet to ever silence himself, even for a moment? Try to distract them? Hey! That might work--if only the condenser would spring another leak. Or a cooling tower would collapse. Or something would, I don't know, catch fire. Because people don't like to obsess about money, Lord. Fires, earthquakes. That's what we need this week. Excitement!

Just praying….

Amen,

Fake-Rob

It's Over

2009-08-20T09:05:00.005-04:00

Dear God,

It is our obligation to ensure that the Yankee decommissioning fund is sufficient such that it meets NRC regulations. The NRC’s regulation of the decommissioning funding is effective and we are providing the necessary information such that they have a clear view of the status of decommissioning funding at Yankee.

After which I will send the NRC a thank-you note for low-balling their estimate (by as much as half a billion dollars) such that we have gotten off the hook easily. Then I will take a correspondence course in English such that I stop sounding like a robot.

Amen,

Fake-Rob

Heavens to Betsy

2009-08-04T09:18:00.002-04:00

Dear Lord,

Ewww. Now this Jesus creep won't leave me alone.

Ever since a few of us danced with him last year at the Christmas party, he's been complaining that we Vermont Yankee folk behave as though mortally endangering the people of Vermont, New Hampshire, and Massachusetts is our God-given right.

So I put that dude in his place, I did, yessiree. I said to him, "Well, Jesus, Mr. Know-it-All, lording about as if you were the son of God or something, if you knew anything about Vermont politics and corporate and federal law you'd also know that it just might be our right to mortally endanger all of those people."

And then he sent me a e-card, signing it with a blinking, "Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand."

Repent, for the kingdom of God is at hand.
Try JibJab Sendables® eCards today!

By this disturbing little gesture I suppose he was trying to remind me that Vermont Yankee's storing of spent radioactive fuel outside, near the river on an open concrete slab, is a bad idea, given that Vermont is an earthquake zone.

Well I know that, and I'd email him a "Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah. So's your mother, Manifest Destiny, blah-blah," but somehow he magically erased his address from his message.

Perhaps my assertion of God-given right was a bit over the line, taste-wise. But what I think really torqued his temper was the one-two(-three) punch we've just gotten in the news. Context, of course, is everything. Please remember that last year we were discovered to have exceeded allowable fenceline radiation doses—that is, unless you imaginatively recalculate those doses. Ok. Punch One: To take some of the heat of the "fenceline fanatics" off of us, we're trying to move our fenceline farther away from the nuclear power plant (but, unforntuately, way closer to the nearby elementary school). Punch Two: The Department of Health has not yet released the 2008 radiation surveillance report. And Punch Three: It turns out that we are nearly a year behind in conducting additional radiation monitoring as mandated by the state!

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha, haha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. He, he, he, he. Howl.

Hmmm. I guess you had to be there--in the control room--when The Stoners and I learned about that. We sparked up and told some great kids-with-cancer jokes.

Like:

Little Johnny wakes up on Christmas morning, runs downstairs and is greeted by his parents and hundreds of presents under the tree.

"Oh Wow!" cries Little Johnny as he starts tearing away at all the wrapping paper. Little Johnny is so excited as he opens the presents. He has a brand new BMX, a skateboard, a playstation, a brand new PC, a scooter, a climbing frame - everything a little boy would want.

When he finishes opening all the presents, Little Johnny asks his parents if he can go round to Little Timmy's house to tell him about all the wonderful presents he got.

"Of course you can Little Johnny, off you go, but be back before dinner!"

So off Little Johnny goes, and gets to Little Timmy's house.

"Oh Timmy! This is the best christmas EVER! I got a playstation, a BMX, a new computer - everything i could ever want!!"

"Oh your so lucky", replies Little Timmy, "I wish I had cancer."

… and …

Q: How many kids with cancer does it take to change a light bulb?

A: They can't. They're too weak to climb the ladder.

Laughing, Lord?

Anyway, getting the earthquake card from Jesus was a real downer. I mean, heavens to Betsy, here I am, minding my own business, knock-knock-knocking on heaven's door, and …..

Gotta go. Phone's ringing, and with luck it's not Susan Smallheer.

Amen,

Fake-Rob

Forgiveness

2009-07-11T12:35:00.009-04:00

Dear God,

Forgiveness is a flower that never withers, right? Right?

And forgiveness is easier to get than permission. Again, am I right?

Anyway, that second aphorism has been our corporate strategy here at Entergy Vermont Yankee, and with that in mind I'm praying that you'll come to our July 13 public meeting. It's:

VPSB HEARING MONDAY JULY 13 7PM Vernon School. Docket 7530 In Re Petition of Entergy Nuclear *Vermont Yankee*, LLC, to locate a new perimeter fence

The meeting is scheduled for July 13, 2009, at 7:00 P.M., and the school is at 381 Governor Hunt Road in Vernon.

You see, Lord, activists are pounding on their tom-toms again. That's because we at ENVY are right now trying to buy up houses near the plant so that we can push our site boundary out farther from the plant. Why do we want to do this? Because we're generating more radiation than ever before. And that's because, since approval of our "Uprate," we've been operating for the most part at 120% of capacity. We've also begun storing spent nuclear fuel outside the plant. These two factors together have pushed the radiation readings at the site boundary over the State's dose limit.

So moving the "fenceline" is a safety move on our part. We'll buy up the property, push the fenceline away from the plant and closer to the Vernon Elementary School, and therefore obtain more reasonable fenceline radiation doses. And should keep us safe from fines and other nasty items generated by regulatory agencies.

Lord knows what the radiation levels will be at the elementary school itself, or even what they are now. Doesn't matter. Radiation levels at the school are not part of the set of regulations to which we must attend--even though children are 10 times more radiosensitive than adults.

So in a way I'm fairly confident that the public meeting will go smoothly for me and all of us at ENVY. But here's where my concern about forgiveness (and permission) comes in. See, the public record shows that we were warned in April 2003 that the Uprate would push radiation to unacceptable levels at our fenceline. In response, we assured everyone that we had done careful, conservative calculations and could safely predict that it would not. Then we got permission for the Uprate. Then radiation at our fenceline exceeded acceptable levels. Now we need forgiveness.

Am I wrong in thinking that you, sir, are in the forgiveness line of business? And if I'm right, do you think you could do me a little favor and come to the Vernon meeting and forgive me and all of ENVY right there, in front of everyone?

I am filled with glee and hope at the thought of your mercy radiating down upon my sweet, anxiety-prone head--so happy, so gleeful in an attractive, child-like way, that in anticipation of said occasion I feel moved to recite a little poem that I learned when I was but a wee lad in an elementary school not too unlike the Vernon one in which many children are daily being irradiated with full NRC approval.

How doth the little crocodile
Improve his shining tail,
And pour the waters of the Nile
On every golden scale!
How cheerfully he seems to grin,
How neatly spreads his claws,
And welcomes little fishes in,
With gently smiling jaws!
--Lewis Carroll

I hope I see you at the meeting, Lord. It will be awe-inspiring if I do. Truly.

Amen,

Fake-Rob

Irradiated Cows

2009-07-09T21:54:00.005-04:00

Dear God,

Please don't get the FDA and the whosawhatzit boys in charge of food safety involved!

Here's a note I dutifully distributed to interested parties:

On July 13 at 7 p.m., the Public Service Board will hold a public hearing at the Vernon Elementary School on Vermont Yankee’s request for relocating the outer plant property fence line to the west (toward Governor Hunt Road) of the current fence line. The new 1,500 feet of fence will clearly delineate the protective zone around the plant and clarify the calculations of public radiation dose by merging the two terms “boundary line” and “fence line” into one for dose assessments by Vermont Yankee and state and federal regulators. The land to be enclosed is in agricultural use by a neighboring farm and we expect that to continue. [Emphasis mine. But, hey, it was my announcement to begin with.]

If you recall, Lord, I explained in my June 12 prayer (you gotta read it again; come on! It's funny!) that we at Entergy Vermont Yankee want to move our fenceline so that it will be even closer to the cows that feed the school children in the elementary school across the street. An added benefit to the fenceline move is that, by giving the children and cows equal doses of illegally high radiation, we will gain immunity from civil lawsuits by parties such as the ASPCA, who might have been planning to argue that we were denying cows the pleasure of the radiation illnesses they might otherwise have shared with their little human friends.

Lawrence Auclair, the (I blissfully thought) erstwhile owner of a site called EVACUATIONPLANS.ORG, has distributed the above announcement to an impressive list of people who occasionally attend public meetings. And by distributing it, he may get a turnout this time, Lord. Which is really unfair. Because I don't think I'm alone in having thought that this Lawrence Auclair guy was long from the scene. I mean, he announced aeons ago that he was closing down his site for personal reasons.

Is no promise sacred? He made a big deal about not continuing! And I was so looking forward to his not! Now here is trying to drum up attendees at a meeting. And having a perfectly functioning, up-to-date site, to boot!

Well, Mr. Auclair, I fart in your general direction! (Oh, go on. Click that link for heaven's sake! You've been so timid lately.) And here is what my Lord and I think of your inability to keep a simple promise! --->

So, to get back to my original thought, Lord (as if I ever had one). Do you see this fenceline radiation movement thingy as a potential liability food safety-wise-y?

Amen,

Fake-Rob

RIP Michael

2009-06-26T14:01:00.012-04:00

Dear God,

It's truly sad that Michael Jackson has gone, for once he was just a little boy with real sweetness and a powerful voice. But you know, you can have all the live-in doctors that you want, but turning your face into that of a monster's, surrounding yourself with syncophants, and ignoring health problems that clearly need attention is going to catch up with you.

And so Michael Jackson has died and many, many people are beside themselves with grief. In the meanwhile, I'm feeling pretty good. Because as closely as we at Entergy Vermont Yankee match the worst things about his profile (monstrous looking, syncophant-sourrounded, and staffed and tended by people purposefully ignoring warning signs) we haven't died. In fact, we've repaired our most recent leak! So that's great news!

Deepak Chopra wrote a bit of a eulogy for Michael, and in it he said that what began for Michael as idiosyncrasy was ravaged by obsessions, paranoia, and isolation.

I think even Michael's biggest defenders would not quarrel with that. And, God, I'm happy to report that we may be monstrous looking and syncophant sourrounded etc., but we're much, much healthier than Michael. Yes, what began for us as idiosyncracy—in our case, a desire to produce cheap, clean energy and a belief that we knew how—was eventually ravaged by greed, paranoia, and isolation. But Michael had only one live-in doctor, and we've got a whole crew of maintenance guys.

In fact, I'd say we're looking pretty good right about now. Feeling good, too. Governor Douglas is still going to the mat for us. The embarrassing decommissioning fund problems we've been having have been revealed to be fairly typical of our industry. And cooling towers? Hah! Who can remember cooling towers when it's summertime and the living is easy! That and the news cycles have been grabbed by Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett-Major, and Michael Jackson.

You know what, Lord? I'm so glad that public attention has been "stolen" by entertainment industry tragedies that I'm going to take off not just the evening but the entire weekend! The whole bunch of us in PR is going to run around happy as celebrities in short skirts and no underpants. Let's hope, though, that no papparazi get a shot up our skirts. 'Cause under them are a host of condenser problems, financial concerns, political folderol, and maybe even some drug and gambling problems that we'd rather keep tucked away.

In the meanwhile, it's "Don't cry for us, Elizabeth Taylor!"

Amen,

Fake-Rob

I Can See Russia from the Fenceline!

2009-06-12T10:56:00.003-04:00

Dear God,

Actually, I can't see Russia from within our current perimeter. And that's a problem I'm working on. If Entergy Vermont Yankee and I have our way, the plant's fenceline will be within whisper distance to our neighbors to the northwestoreast, wherever Russia happens to be at the moment.

What am I going on about? I'm talking about America. American values. American ingenuity. Um. There's more than one American way to torture an innocent cat. If the fenceline dose is too high, move the fenceline!

And that's what we're going to do. Screw political correctness. And screw the elementary school across the street, while you're at it.

My Hero

Amen,

Fake-Rob

Condenser Leaks Are the New Black

2009-06-09T17:43:00.009-04:00

Dear God,

Just saying. We were warned by Arnie Gundersen during the uprate hearings that our condenser is so old and decrepit it's lucky to withstand gravity. So now that we've sprung another condenser leak—and the one from April of 2008 has yet to be found and fixed—we'd better make them look less like pestilence and more like a fashion choice. Here goes:

CONDENSER LEAKS: THEY'RE THE NEW BLACK!

Indian Point gets them.
Davis-Besse gets them.
Angelina Jolie gets them.

And it's not like they're dangerous or anything. Worst thing that can happen may be that our condenser gets flooded by river water, ruined, and we close down the plant for good and stick the state of Vermont with a huge decommissioning liability.

And if we can't succeed with the "fashion choice" tactic, I'm hoping maybe we can get people to think about condenser leaks along the same lines that they're thinking about Prince's double hip replacement.

"Prince—So Hip He Needs Two New Ones."

You see, Prince, like us, is refusing to put time and money into maintenance. He just can't seem to do the necessary repairs. From Showbiz411.com:

"He’s in a lot of pain,” said a source who was backstage with him … at the Apollo. “He’s popping pain killers and hoping it will all go away."

So are we.

Amen,

Fake-Rob

Anti-Assertiveness Training

2009-05-06T17:51:00.006-04:00

Dear God,

I hope you haven’t missed me? I haven’t prayed in a while, I know? But it’s not arrogance that has stopped me? I actually hope that you can see that I'm feeling meek? Scared? Questioning? Brimming with polite curiosity? At least that's the attitude I'm trying to project?

That's because Entergy is catching a lot of flak for threatening to sue the state of Vermont if it asks us to top off the Decommissioning Fund?

People are also starting to catch on that Vermont Yankee did not, as we've claimed, get a "pass" from the Vermont Yankee Oversight Panel? You'll remember that it uncovered more than $100 million in deferred maintenance on components? Furthermore, according to Arnie Gundersen in an editorial in the Reformer, “Nationally, most nuclear plants replace their condensers between 20 and 30 years of operation? VY's condenser has been operating for 37 years and Entergy has known the condenser had issues prior to its purchase of VY in 2002, yet chose to delay the repairs until at least 2014? The VYOP also found that VY's design could not be licensed today because it does not meet today's modern NRC design criteria?" (Actually, Arnie did not use question marks within that statement because he was feeling anything but meek when he wrote it?)

And did you know, God, that they've sprung quite a leak at Indian Point 2 Nuclear Power plant, one of our Entergy "sister" plants? According to The New York Times, "A one-and-a-half-inch hole caused by corrosion allowed about 100,000 gallons of water to escape from the main system that keeps the reactor cool immediately after any shutdown…?" The discovery of a leak of that magnitude has raised concerns about the monitoring of old, buried pipes at nuclear plants like ours?

What should I do? Like I said, we at Vermont Yankee have been told by the folks higher up at Entergy to appear obsequious in public? But when I answer my phone with a chipper yet pleading tone and hear the activists laughing, that's almost too much for poor, little me? Please don't tell me to escape to the Cayman Islands when my phone rings? Because our tax shelters there and our executive housing near the beach are going the way of the Republicans? So near to death, and quickly accelerating toward that white light?

To boost morale here at the plant while we all flex our humility muscles, I've xeroxed for everyone a little "feel good" song? I've burnt a copy as a sacrifice to you and the ashes should have arrived by now? Got it? Then sing it out loudly with us, Lord! (?)

Pretty please?

Grandmother's Song
by Steve Martin

Be courteous, kind and forgiving,
Be gentle and peaceful each day,
Be warm and human and grateful,
And have a good thing to say.

Be thoughtful and trustful and childlike,
Be witty and happy and wise,
Be honest and love all your neighbors,
Be obsequious, purple, and clairvoyant.

(You sing here, God.) Be pompous, obese, and eat cactus,
Be dull, and boring, and omnipresent,
Criticize things you don't know about,
Be oblong and have your knees removed.

(We at Vermont Yankee sing here.) Be tasteless, rude, and offensive,
Live in a swamp and be three dimensional,
Put a live chicken in your underwear,
Get all excited and go to a yawning festival.

(O.K. everybody!)

Be courteous, kind and forgiving,
Be gentle and peaceful each day,
Be warm and human and grateful,
And have a good thing to say.

Lord, let 'em hear you outside when you sing!

Amen?

Fake-Rob

I Went to a Christmas Party

2009-04-21T13:42:00.006-04:00

Dear God,

Do you read The Reformer?

Tuesday, April 21
BRATTLEBORO -- A regional activist group opposed to the continued operation of Vermont Yankee nuclear power plant has asked Vermont Attorney General William Sorrell to investigate the relationship between a Vermont Yankee lobbyist and the state's … commissioner of the Department of Public Service.

The lobbyist is Jay Thayer, who also happens to be the former site vice president of Vermont Yankee. The commissioner is David O’Brien, and in December of 2008, O'Brien invited Thayer and a whole bunch of legislators and other people with whom Thayer might want to hobnob on behalf of VY to a Christmas party in O’Brien’s home. Knowing this, The New England Coalition has filed suit, saying that, as a regulator, O’Brien needs to maintain a strictly professional relationship with a representative of the company he regulates. This is especially important because, in order to continue generating power in the state of Vermont after its original license expires in 2012, VY must convince both O’Brien and the Public Service Board to grant it a certificate of public good.

Which it will most likely try to do. Everyone knows that Thayer and O’Brien have been BFFs for God knows how long, God. The folks of The New England Coalition have pissed and moaned about that before. But this is the first time in my memory that they’ve caught much press doing so. Why the change? Well, in the spirit of Passover, Lord, let me re-phrase that fundamental question to put it in keeping with the first question of the Pesach Haggadah, a question you heard emanating from millions of households only a little more than a week ago.

Why [was] this night different from all other nights?

The answer has nothing to do with slaves in Egypt being set free. It has to do, rather, with the presence at the party of legislators and, not incidentally, of representatives of the utilities. But it is probably the legislators about whom The New England Coalition is most concerned, for before the PSB can grant VY a certificate of public good, it must get legislative approval to do so. And the probability of the legislature giving that approval has become increasingly slim as time goes on and problems at the plant surface alongside news of the potential of alternative power sources.

Indeed, this morning’s Reformer reports that in a letter to the Vermont Attorney General, Robert "Jake" Stewart, president of the New England Coalition, wrote, "The spectacle of the commissioner socializing with the key lobbyist of a business that he has a duty to regulate; and worse, arranging the soirée to include members of the Legislature and utility representatives, underscores a growing public perception that both the department and the governor are tainted by partiality favoring the fortunes of Entergy Nuclear.”

Do you remember, God, how we at Vermont Yankee have all had training in evacuating in case of radiation emergency, and how the control room operators have had marijuana brownie training and the Wackenhut guards have had don’t-get-our-corporate-name-in-the-paper-again-by-sleeping-through-your-shift-like-they-do-at-other-Wackenhut-plants training as well as whatever-you-do-don't-moon-the-security-camera training, and how our maintenance department has had don’t-declare-the-leak-fixed-until-it’s-actually-stopped-dripping training? Well, I think that certain state officials need some don't-invite-the-lobbyists-unless-you-also-invite-the-activists training so that the media can stop focusing on fiascos like this and start playing up, instead, the fact that potassium iodide will continue to be distributed to potential evacuees within the 10 mile evacuation zone. (Yay!)

Having realized that a little training could go a long way, I’ve borrowed an old Ricky Nelson song. (It’s old to me, but it’s in fact a late song from his oeuvre. Shortly after recording this song he died in a fiery plane crash. Popular legend has it that the plane caught fire when Nelson and the band started freebasing cocaine in the cabin. But the NTSB says there is no evidence of that--though there is ample evidence that the crash was caused by inadequate technology maintenance. When I distribute the lyrics, I’ll make special note of that to our maintenance folk. “Listen up!” I always like to say with a meaningful smile.)

Anyway, although this song is largely pointless pablum, it does emphasize the fact that lots of people go to Christmas parties. Another good thing about it is it’s got a good beat and you can dance to it, Mr. Clark. And, finally, I like the “Lot-in-dah-dah-dah” stuff. Being a PR professional, I always feel warm and fuzzy when words get nonsensical.

And hey, God, you can get this song as a ring tone!

CHRISTMAS PARTY
(Mostly by Ricky Nelson)

I went to a Christmas party to reminisce with my old friends
A chance to share old memories and play our songs again
When I got to the Christmas party, they all knew my name
No one recognized me, I didn't look the same

CHORUS
But it's all right now, I learned my lesson well.
You see, ya can't please everyone, so ya got to please yourself

People came from miles around, everyone was there
Yoko brought her walrus, there was magic in the air
'N' over in the corner, much to my surprise
Mr. Hughes hid in Dylan's shoes wearing his disguise

CHORUS

Lot-in-dah-dah-dah, Lot-in-dah-dah-dah

Played them all the old songs, thought that's why they came
No one heard the music, we didn't look the same
I said hello to "Mary Lou", she belongs to me
When I sang a song about a honky-tonk, it was time to leave

CHORUS

Lot-dah-dah-dah (Lot-dah-dah-dah)
Lot-in-dah-dah-dah

Someone opened up a closet door and out stepped Johnny B. Goode
Playing guitar like a-ringin' a bell and lookin' like he should
If you gotta play at garden parties, I wish you a lotta luck
But if memories were all I sang, I rather drive a truck

CHORUS

Lot-dah-dah-dah (Lot-dah-dah-dah)
Lot-in-dah-dah-dah

'N' it's all right now, learned my lesson well
You see, ya can't please everyone, so you got to please yourself

Switch in your mind Mr. Hughes, Yoko Ono, Bob Dylan and Mary Lou for a few legislators, a utility exec or two, and a lobbyist, and you might be able to make some sense from all of that. Or maybe you won’t. Doesn’t matter; it’s fun to sing.

Amen,

Fake-Rob

Free Cellphone Ringtone!

2009-04-15T11:10:00.006-04:00

Dear God,

Tomorrow (April 16) the NRC will meet with Entergy about the NRC's assessment of the safety performance of the Vermont Yankee Nuclear Power Station for calendar year 2008. That meeting will happen from 3:30 - 5:30 PM at The Ramada Hotel & Conference Center, 1380 Putney Road, Brattleboro. Time will be provided for questions related to the 2008 assessment of Vermont Yankee.

Then, at 7, the NRC will host a Town Hall-type meeting at the same location. Questions will be allowed about the role of the NRC in ensuring safe plant operations.

I hope you come to these meetings, God, 'cause, together, they constitute the kind of event where Entergy might need you on its side. You see, I got the strangest email this morning. An actual but anonymous anti-nuke activist (I'm thinking) sent me a link to the meeting's "theme song," and suggested that I download it to my cell phone prior to the meeting. It's this:

Send Ringtone to Cell Phone

Original version by Leonard Cohen

Everybody knows that the dice are loaded
Everybody rolls with their fingers crossed
Everybody knows that the war is over
Everybody knows that the good guys lost
Everybody knows the fight is fixed
The poor stay poor and the rich get rich
Thats how it goes
Everybody knows that the boat is sinking
Everybody knows that the captain lied
Everybodys got this broken feeling
Like their momma or there dog just died
Everybodys hands are in their pockets
Everybody wants a box of chocolates
And a long stem rose
Everybody knows

Everybody knows
Everybody knows
Thats how it goes
Everybody knows

Everybody knows
Everybody knows
Thats the way it goes
Everybody knows

Everybody knows that its now or never
Everybody knows that its me or you
Everybody knows that you live forever
When you had a line or two
Everybody knows the deal is rotten
Old black joe still pickin cotton
For ribbons and bows
Everybody knows you love me baby
Everybody knows that you really do
Everybody knows that you been faithful
Give or take a night or two
Everybody knows you been discrete
So many people you had to meet
Without your clothes
And everybody knows

Everybody knows
Everybody knows
Thats the way it goes
Everybody knows

Everybody knows
Everybody knows
Thats how it goes
And everybody knows

Send Ringtone to Cell Phone

A big, nervous "amen" to you, Lord,

Fake-Rob

NRC Hires David Lochbaum to Teach Them That Accidents Can Happen

2009-04-06T16:53:00.004-04:00

Dear God,

David Lochbaum, a nuclear safety engineer who spent 12 years with the Union of Concerned Scientists, has been hired by the NRC to teach boiling water reactor technology to NRC employees in classroom and control room simulator sessions.

You're not alone, God. No one here knows what to think either. It's not necessarily a betrayal of Entergy that the NRC hired him. They were entirely within their rights to engage him or any scientist who has built his reputation in nuclear safety. Safety is actually supposed to be the primary concern of the NRC.

Even the activists aren't sure what to think. Was participating in employment talks with the NRC a conflict of interest for David Lochbaum as he served on the Vermont Yankee Public Oversight Panel? Well, he wasn't on the NRC's payroll at the time that he served on the panel. And, anyway, the NRC and the panel were not technically in adversarial positions regarding Entergy.

I know, I know. By advocating safety for 12 years, he may have been acting against the best interests of Entergy's fast money investors. But grow up, God. The world is changing. You win some; you lose some. Forgiveness is the new black.

Still, this whole thing does make me nervous. For the past several decades, the NRC has mollified many (and infuriated some) by promoting the idea that, as long as engineers and plant operators conform to standard procedure, safety is assured. Entergy has said essentially the same thing. Fitting tidily within the bell curve of acceptable performance is what really matters. But now, according to the Reformer, this Lochbaum guy says that his classroom approach will be a "reverse bell curve" one. He will teach about "the times when things work worse or better than expected."

"Better than expected" I know what to do with. Safecleanreliablebetterthanexpected.com anyone? But "worse than expected" acknowledges that nuclear plant operation can involve disastrous surprises. That's a trade secret that we and the NRC have guarded for thirty years now, and that he's cavalierly disclosed.

It may be time to cue the storm clouds and lawyers.

Amen,

Fake-Rob

The Ten Best Things about Entergy Not Investing Enough Time and Money to Assure that VY Is Well Maintained

2009-03-25T14:45:00.005-04:00

Dear God,

On March 17 the Independent Oversight Panel on the Comprehensive Reliability Assessment of the Vermont Yankee Nuclear Power Plant gave its report to the Vermont legislature. Here are the ten best things about it!

10. Nobody read it. How could they? It's 66 pages long. Why didn't the panel just put something short on YouTube?

9. The report said that "acceptable reliability … beyond 2012 is possible if the recommendations of this report and the NRA report are taken." That gives me something to brag about, and most people will stop reading at the end of that sentence because that's about as much polysyllabism as people can stand.

8. If people were to read on they would learn that Entergy does not spend enough time and money to assure that VY is well maintained. But they won't read on. See item 9 for reason.

7. Panel member Arnie Gundersen tried to bring to the fore the fact that Entergy has not necessarily got the right stuff to make the plant acceptably reliable. In his own testimony, he said, "I concur with the group consensus that it may be possible for Entergy Nuclear Vermont Yankee to operate for an additional 20 years. However, Act 189 did not require, nor does the Audit itself contain, an assessment of just how difficult that process may be…. I believe that Entergy faces enormous challenges to operate ENVY past 2012. To me as an Engineer, many of these problems may be surmountable if taken individually, however, neither Act 189 nor the NSA Audit required abroader perspective of how these pieces all fit together. As a former nuclear engineering Senior VP with more than 35-years of uuclear engineering experience, I believe it will be extraordinarily difficult for ENVY to continue to operate reliably due to the corporate cultural problems uncovered by both the Oversight Panel and the NSA Audit." Well spoken, Arnie, but make it shorter and put it on YouTube.

6. David Letterman got married this week, and so everyone will pay attention to his 10 Best Things about Getting Married instead of questions about the level of resources we are willing to put into reliability and safety for Vermont Yankee.

5. Arnie Gunersen also pointed out that the cooling tower collapse and the transformer fire were preventable. But since his testimony, Portia De Rossi came to her senses and apologized for marrying Ellen DeGeneres. So who do you think Vermonters are more apt to listen to? Arnie Gundersen or two women with complicated last names?

4. The panel's report has prompted Entergy to repeatedly assure Vermonters that it is a really nice company. There have been groans of disbelief, but they've been drowned out with applause for and huge waves of relief over Lindsay Lohan's statement that she is a really good person.

3. Little Fockers (the movie) is a go, and Little Fockers (the relicensing) may be, too.

2. Jenny McCarthy gets Botox treatments, and says that sex with Jim Carey is still great but he might not know because her face is frozen. How can anyone even think about disparaging Entergy when she puts herself out there like that?

1. They've been talking about vibrators on "The View." And people are still worried about our energy future? Get a life!

God, Amen,

Fake-Rob

The Wonderful World of Leonard

2009-03-21T19:30:00.008-04:00

Dear God,

I don't understand the uproar over AIG. They got bailout money from the Feds, and they gave it to their executives. So what?

As I prayed almost a year ago today, back in 2006 the Feds bailed out Entergy, giving them $200 million in federal Community Development Block Grant (CDBG)[Katrina relief] funding (via Louisiana) and $81 million in CDBG funds (via Mississippi). Roughly 9.7% of the disaster relief funds went into J. Wayne Leonard's very own, private pocket.

Like AIG, Entergy did not try to hide what it was doing. Fleecing taxpayers was as legal then as it is today. According to the website EntergyPayWatch.org, in Entergy's 2008 proxy statement, the Entergy board cited J. Wayne Leonard's ability to gain the Federal relief funds as one of the reasons he deserved such big bonuses--and a total compensation package in 2007 that works out to $100,721 per day, or $12,590 per hour.

The similiarities of Entergy then to AIG now couldn't be clearer.

Anyway, the big income stream for AIG in 2009 seems like it might be collecting fares for bus tours giving angry taxpayers glimpses of AIG executives' homes. Do you think we could generate income from tours of Mr. Leonard's castle? I hear it's a carousel of color--wonderful, wonderful color.

Let me know what you think, Lord. I'm so inspired by the idea, I feel a song coming on.

Amen,

Fake-Rob

Lust

2009-03-06T10:07:00.003-05:00

Dear God,

Lately:

The EPA made a decision that could make building a coal plant more financially risky than building an alt energy plant – and Entergy, as you know, is also in the coal business.
The Department of Energy issued a report claiming that wind turbines could generate 300 gigawatts by 2030. That would power about 20 percent of the US electrical grid.
The Department of Energy also said that there are 13 times as many wind power facilities in the planning phase than gas and coal plants.
Two power producers contracted to buy a gigawatt of solar power. That may not seem like much but it's twice the total solar capacity the United States had installed in 2007. Five utilities have to-date announced plans for utility-owned solar projects.

I'm a flexible guy, Lord, but this steady stream of news is getting me down. Earlier this week I had a one-two punch. At town meeting 31 towns (I think) gave Vermont Yankee a no-confidence vote, and then the VSNAP meeting on March 4 degenerated into bickering and sniping. And now all this on the Alt Energy front. Jesus.

I would like to pray for a moment with you about pornography, if I may, now that I've got your sympathy, God. (Don't worry. I'm not going non sequitur all over you again.) It's just that ... well, people have called Entergy's attention to energy production dollars over health and safety obscene, especially given recent advances in alternative energy. I know that lust is one of the Seven Deadlies, and I'm trying hard as all get out to avoid it. But I do think I see differences between Entergy's values and pornography in general, and I truly believe those differences are important for us to examine. Together.

For example, here's the flow of action in a typical porn movie compared to the flow of action here at Vermont Yankee. You'll have to click the image to see it well enough to read it, but I think you'll understand me when I say that we may sin in thought at Entergy Vermont Yankee, but not so terribly badly in deed.

Am I right, Lord? Aren't we looking pretty good--at least as opposed to most porn movies? If so, should I talk to the press about this to counter all the bad news we've been getting lately? Or would that be bragging? Pride is Deadly, as you know, and I don't want to die.

Amen,

Fake-Rob

If You Watch "The China Syndrome" Backwards

2009-02-28T11:13:00.006-05:00

Dear God,

If you watch "The China Syndrome" backwards:

It's a story about a peppy reporter, played by Jane Fonda, who is concerned about how damaging on-the-job stress can be for nuclear power plant employees when they think that the plant they work for is endangering the lives of others. One stressed out employee holds a gun on control room operators and gets killed as a result. Another stressed out employee dies in a car accident. But a meeting of the Nuclear Regulatory Commission produces a generalized calm. People start driving more reasonably and behaving better. This allows the Jane Fonda character to get back to reporting human interest stories and worrying about her hair.

Amen,

Fake-Rob

Safe, Clean, and Green

2009-02-27T21:24:00.002-05:00

Dear God,

Clean coal isn't safe, clean, or green, either.

Amen,

Fake-Rob

More Solar Power than Can Be Generated By a Nuclear Plant!

2009-02-25T15:10:00.003-05:00

Dear God,

The largest series of solar installations in history is planned for the desert outside Los Angeles, and it will deliver more electricity than even the largest nuclear plant.

This won't be solar-panel power, it will be solar thermal power. Through a consetellation of 7 arrays of the sort you see here, the sun's rays will be concentrated to create steam in boilers and spin turbines. Together the "plants" will deliver 3.7 billion kilowatt hours of power per year—enough, probably, to power a city the size of San Francisco.

Thank God, God, that we don't have the expansive desert here in the Northeast in which to fit all those solar energy suckers. Thank goodness, Goodness, that we don't have out-of-work people that this sort of approach to energy production would employ. We keep our pasty-skinned, anxious workers busy, thank you very much, fixing the radioactive leaks and crumbling towers you've deemed our burden. They noodle with evacuation plans. They attend public meetings. They keep their eyes and thoughts away from the snowy mountains and meadows that could reflect sunlight so gloriously and bounce it onwards to a new life of service.

Thank heavens, Heavens, that solar thermal schemes have been proven to be less than wunderkinds financially. Or at least one has. Kind of. Well, it wasn't really disappointing, and it wasn't really the opposite of that, either. See, the only currently operating solar thermal facility in America was built during the 1980s in the Mojave Desert. It was launched with a lot of hope. Shortly afterward, energy and gas prices plummeted and thermal stopped getting headlines. Though that first plant is still operating, which means that it probably is reliable--and safe. And it sure looks clean.

Anyway, Lord, I thank you for the gifts you have given us. Jim Douglas. David O'Brien. Patrick Moore. Real Rob. J. Wayne. Danny Lichtenfeld.

Praise the Lord, Lord.

Fake-Rob

How Do You Spell E-P-I-D-E-M-I-O-L-O-G-Y?

2009-02-19T15:15:00.007-05:00

Dear God,

In Brattleboro on February 25 (and in Bellows Falls on February 26), German epidemiologist Dr. Winfrid Eisenberg will talk about a study that looked at 24 years worth of statistics regarding children who live near or around normally functioning nuclear power plants. The plants are in Germany. The children were from 0-4 years old.

The study's scientists discovered that the closer a child lives to a nuclear power plant, the higher the risk of cancer, especially leukemia. Children living within a three-mile radius of the plant have double the cancer risk.

Well, duh. Why do you think Entergy donated radiation suits for the kindergartners at Vernon Elementary School? And they're five- and six-year olds! Don't we get extra credit for being extra careful?

Look, it's not like Dr. Eisenberg is a fifth-generation Vermonter or anything. ("Ich bin ein Vermonter." As if.) Can't we stop him from coming? Can't we use the same logic that anti-nuke activists tried to use when they wanted to stop Entergy New Orleans from buying Vermont Yankee?

"Vermont für Vermonters!"

And besides, remember what I said at the beginning of this prayer? Those damning epidemiological statistics are from nuclear power plants that were functioning normally. Vermont Yankee, on the other hand, has not been doing that for quite a while. There was the spectacular cooling tower collapse and the repeated issues with the cooling towers despite our assurances that we've fixed their structural problems. There was (still is, I think) the elevated fenceline radiation. There was the discovery of many new cracks in the steam dryer. There was the crane incident, in which a 90-ton gantry cask of radioactive waste was allowed to slowly drop to the floor. Most recently Vermont Yankee has developed a radioactive leak that just won't quit.

As I told the Associated Press, our several attempts to fix the leak have failed.

And as the NRC said about a similar leak at Connecticut's Millstone Unit 2, these leaks, "have the potential to cause a loss-of-coolant accident and to result in personnel injury or death."

So what Dr. Eisenberg is about to tell the community about the danger of normally functioning nuclear power plants is inappropriate information for the community surrounding Vermont Yankee.

But this plant is not normal.

Let's make that as clear as we possibly can. There are no data available for plants like this one. For who could possibly gather useful longitudinal data for a plant with problems as bad as ours?

Plants this scary get shut down.

Phew.

Amen,

Fake-Rob

The Audacity of Dope

2009-02-10T12:51:00.002-05:00

Dear God,

Yes, yes. I heard. Now J.P. Morgan has joined Jeffries & Co. and Deutsche Bank in downgrading Entergy stock. Specifically, J.P. Morgan has dropped Entergy's rating to Neutral from Overweight and has lowered its price target. That's more bad financial news for the company that pretends to have half a billion dollars at the ready, no problem, just in case decommissioning eventually requires it, all the while arguing that it actually doesn't own Vermont Yankee any longer and so actually doesn't have to have any of those dollars at the ready.

But today there is good news to be had, as well!

Vermont Yankee has given birth to octuplets!

In a grateful nod to Nadya Suleman, who, in thanks to You for Your bounty, has given each of her 8 newborns a middle name of Angel, Vermont Yankee has named its babies A-H as follows:

Low-Level Radioactive Leaks and Waste Angel Vermont Yankee
High-Level Radioactive Leaks and Waste Angel Vermont Yankee
Half a Billion Dollars Short in the Decommissioning Fund Angel Vermont Yankee
Enexus Angel Vermont Yankee
No Need to Protect Nuclear Power Plants from a Plane Crash (because Who Ever Heard of Diving a Plane into a Terrorist Target?) Angel Vermont Yankee
Inability to Keep Adequate Track of Spent Fuel Rods Angel Vermont Yankee
Lies about High-Level Radioactive Waste Going to Yucca Mountain Angel Vermont Yankee
Come to Think of It, It's a Good Thing Waste Will Stay in Vermont Because Terrorists Could Blow It Up In Transit and Ignite a Traffic-Jammed Tunnel, for Example, and Thereby Poison a Whole City and Even Region Angel Vermont Yankee

In celebration of the birth of these octuplets, Vermont Yankee is quietly planning to go on the nuclear industry equivalent of general relief. (Which is to say that we plan to pass on to taxpayers as many of the financial obligations related to these octuplets as we possibly can.)

PR problems that may arise:

Vermont Yankee will be accused of being "fixated" on having children like the little Angels we're now announcing. In the event of such accusations, we will becomingly admit that we've always wanted to have children, and that we try to pay attention to each child for at least 45 minutes each day.
Vermont Yankee's other children will be profiled, and in a way that is unflattering to our continuing efforts to be model parents. People may even drag the names of our eight other, "non-Angel" children--The Lawsuit by Massachusetts to Stop Relicensing Vermont Yankee, The 90-Ton Gantry Cask of Radioactive Junk that We Let Slowly Drop to the Floor, The Many Additional Cracks in the Steam Dryer, The Spectacular 2007 Cooling Tower Collapse and Our Efforts to Make Light of It, The Ongoing Structural Problems with Cooling Towers, The Elevated Fenceline Radiation, and The Contention Between the Vertical Audit Public Oversight Panel and the commissioner of the Department of Public Service--through the mud. In the event of such below-the-belt attacks, we will hint that all of our executives, including CEO J. Wayne Leonard whose five-year compensation Forbes estimates at $45.84 million, will bite the bullet and fly coach somewhere some day.

In other news: Did you hear about the plans by The North Springfield Sustainable Energy Project to build a biomass plant in Springfield? They say they have the resources to build it without additional financing, and that it will permanently employ about 25 people full time. One hundred people or so will be employed during the building phase.

Amen,

Fake-Rob

Yes, We Have None

2009-02-03T16:24:00.004-05:00

Dear God,

Bad news.

Financially:

On February 2, Jefferies & Co. downgraded Entergy stock to "Hold" from "Buy."
Market Watch reports that "Entergy Corp.'s 2008 fourth-quarter net income fell 12%." (That's way bigger than the 8% drop that Entergy itself had forecast.)
All of this is happening in the very midst of our efforts to convince the Vermont legislature that we have the financial resources to handle decommissioning without topping off the decommissioning fund, which is currently about half a billion dollars short.

Politically:

We're eating crow. In the hopes of keeping alive Vermont Yankee's chances of getting permission from the state legislature to operate past the expiration of its current license, Entergy has apologized to lawmakers for the two recent leaks of radioactive water. They have also replaced the site vice-president, general manager, and operations manager, blaming them (it seems) for the entire culture of lax management and maintenance. As if.
A non-aligned consulting group hired by the legislature has advised the legislature that, despite Entergy's assurance that high-level radioactive waste need not stay in Vermont long-term, high-level radioactive waste will most probably stay in Vermont long term. Period.

But there's good news, too! For example:

I've learned to polish my shoes with a banana peel. And you can, too.
Japanese researchers are reporting that reading poetry can help people use less toilet paper.

And so I, Fake-Rob Williams, the Vermont Yankee PR guy, will be single-handedly turning this whole emerging financial catastrophe/environmental disaster picture of Vermont Yankee around immediately. I will arrange for us to forever be known not as the Nuclear Power Plant that Couldn't, but as the Nuclear Power Plant that Used Less Toilet Paper and had shiny shoes, to boot. And that's great PR.

It's all in the ...

LIMERICKS FOR OUR TOILET STALLS

There was an Old Man with a beard,
Who said, 'It is just as I feared!
Two Owls and a Hen,
Four Larks and a Wren,
Have all forgotten to perform routine maintenance, which doesn't bode well for the people of Vermont and its neighboring states because they are all employees of Vermont Yankee. Furthermore, regardless of their consistent inability to do a good job, VY has been given permission by the NRC to reduce the number of times we conduct tests on control rods, a key safety system. Note to self: Arrange for a large donation to a popular community organization, and inform the Reformer.

There once was a fellow McSweeny
Who spilled some gin on his—work is progressing at Vermont Yankee. Did you see that headline? "Work Progresses at Vermont Yankee." It's in the Burlington Free Press. That's a real newspaper. So we're getting some good press about the fact that we hired contractors to seal a leak through a valve gasket and to clear ice from a ventilation system on a back-up generator.
Just to be couth
He added vermouth
Then slipped his girlfriend a martini

There once was a man named J. Wayne
Whose banana was wonderfully named
When Forbes named him a top dog
He petted dear lap dog
And said, "Rover, you are one useful tool. What nasty maintenance scandals and financial disasters can we polish away together today? Who needs cash around here? The Brattleboro Museum and Arts Center again? The Chamber of Commerce?"

Amen,

Fake-Rob

Apocalypse Later—and Elsewhere

2009-01-27T14:16:00.002-05:00

Dear Lord,

Did you hear the good news? Quoting the Brattleboro Reformer, "Come the day Vermont Yankee nuclear power plant is decommissioned, there will now be a place to bury its reactor vessel and other radioactive parts and components. On Jan. 14, Waste Control Specialists announced their application for a low-level radioactive waste site had received conditional approval from the Texas Commission on Environmental Quality."

Vermonters do not want our trash, and neither do any of our neighboring states. But Texas, evidently, is the "lesser, conquerable nation" we somehow all thought it might be.

Unless, of course, the good people of Andrews County, Texas object to the idea of taking on a radiation nightmare just so they can bring 75 jobs to the area. It's a prospect that the Reformer article explicitly pooh-poohs, based on information received from Eddie Selig, a spokesperson for a local group, Advocates for Responsible Disposal in Austin, Texas. Selig seems completely comfortable with the idea of burying radioactive waste products in Andrews County, Texas, which is not surprising, given that Austin is not in Andrews County, and that his organization is not an advocacy organization at all but is funded by Vermont Yankee, S.T.P. Nuclear Operating Company, Comanche Peak Nuclear Power Plant, and other companies and organizations that produce radioactive waste products. The fact that the founding principles of Advocates for Responsible Disposal extol the benefits to society of burying radioactive waste products probably didn't hurt them in creating their "advocacy" position, either.

Is Selig right that no one in Andrews County, Texas cares—and that this is pretty much a done deal? (There are, after all, only 9 people per square mile in Andrews County, but it's a big place.) Or do I hear a faint chorus of protest rising up from the lesser, conquerable nation?

Good, Lord! I hear singing! Is it the people of Vermont and Massachusetts protesting the idea of radioactive waste being trucked once again down I91? Or could that really be the 13,000+ voices of Andrews County singing the "Feel Like I'm Fixin' to Die Blues"?

Amen,

Fake-Rob

I Heart J. Wayne Leonard

2009-01-22T22:55:00.007-05:00

Dear Lord,

I've got nothing funny or even chatty to say today, Lord. Instead, this is just a quick note to let you know that Entergy needs blessings because:

Entergy expects to show an 8 percent drop in fourth-quarter 2008 earnings.
Entergy shares closed at $77.37. That is way, way down from the company's 52-week peak of $123.27.

Praying this "quick note" way, Lord, not with my usual obsequious tidings but with unprecedented efficiency, I realize to my dismay that almost two weeks ago I knew things were looking bad for Entergy financially, but I FORGOT TO PRAY FOR ENTERGY in any manner at all!

On January 9 I knew that Deutsche Bank had downgraded Entergy stock to "Sell" status from "Hold." On January 9 I also knew that Reuters had reported that Entergy had suspended applications to build two new nuclear plants, one in Mississippi and one in Louisiana.

I knew. I even posted about these matters on iBrattleboro and emailed a few members of the press. But I didn't pray.

My bad(s).

Lord, to be clear about how dire things are looking right now, these tidbits of bad news about Entergy do not seem to reflect an industry-wide slump. Nor do they seem to be attributable to the recession. Indeed, according to Reuters, Exelon, the nation's largest nuclear power operator, is doing just fine.

I pray now, today, at last, for Entergy's financial health. Hear me, Lord, and do not let these several financial disappointments belie an underlying, critical weakness that could forever change the energy, tax, and business landscape here in Vermont. Do not let an Entergy collapse leave Vermonters with no privileged power deal and a billion-dollar toxic mess to clean up. For that would leave me without an employer, an employee cafeteria, or a health plan.

I pray for Entergy, Lord, and as I do I pray, too, for J. Wayne Leonard. He is CEO of Entergy, and he and his minions have done a swell job of convincing many people--and, indeed, many legislators--that Entergy is financially hearty AND that it is ready to step up to the plate on all sorts of matters about which it has not actually agreed to step up to the plate. Would you give Mr. Leonard my personal regards, Lord? Golly, I admire him. Why, I think he is just about one of the smartest guys in the room.

Amen,

Fake-Rob

VPIRG, SchmeePIRG

2009-01-16T14:47:00.005-05:00

Dear God,

Today the Rutland Herald is reporting that "The Vermont Public Interest Research Group wants key — but currently secret — parts of the recent reliability assessment of the Vermont Yankee nuclear plant made public."

And VPIRG calls itself an advocacy organization.

Entergy already won the headline battle about the reliability assessment story. It was on Christmas Eve, I believe, that newspapers reported that the assessment was largely positive. Now James Moore of VPIRG is complaining that the report was heavily redacted and that the pristine version of the report is "a scathing assessment, written in flowery engineer's language." Maybe. And, yes, we're going to release a less redacted report, but not an entirely redacted one, and what we chose to keep in and leave out seems to be entirely up to us. Regardless, that first round of headlines already made an impression on Vermonter's perceptions of Vermont Yankee. And that impression was favorable. We're a safe bet for the next 20 years. So there.

Lord, I say let them fight and file, fight and file. As long as they're distracted, they will miss the real headline of the day:

Former Entergy Exec may Get Seat at NRC Table

Yes, Dan Packer, a former CEO of Entergy New Orleans, reportedly is under consideration for appointment to the Nuclear Regulatory Commission.

Read it and weep, VPIRG.

Amen,

Fake-Rob

Stop the Presses!

2009-01-09T00:12:00.006-05:00

Dear Lord,

Wait a minute. Sometimes my own news cycle gets ahead of me.

Wednesday's Reuters story said that Vermont Yankee would stay at 100% power while fixing a new leak of mildly radioactive water. According to the story, we're going to use essentially the same stuff you shoot into your tire when it's leaking air. It won't really fix the tire, but you can make it to the nearest gas station.

But Thursday's Reuter's story says that Vermont Yankee will cut power to 40%.

Confusing?

Yes, but I think I'm on the verge of figuring this out. See, if you read down further in Thursday's Reuter's story you'll see that it's about a second new leak. This one is in the feed water system. Mildly radioactive water is leaking at a rate of about 60 drops per minute. This leak was discovered Thursday morning on a 24-inch pipe. That's the leak we're powering down to 40% about.

The leak that was the subject of Wednesday's story has been going on for about two weeks now. We're losing about 2-1/2 gallons of mildly radioactive water a minute from the reactor's water cleanout system. Aside from using a little Spare Tire in a Can, we're going to ignore it until 2010—or until we can make it to a gas station, whichever comes first.

Ok. Now I understand. You can start the presses up again. In the meanwhile, if anyone from the Reformer or, heaven forbid, the Rutland Herald calls about these leaks, we at Vermont Yankee are going to all try to stay on message as well as we can. That message is:

One leak, two leak,
Red leak, blue leak.
Black leak, blue leak,
Old leak, new leak.
This one has a little star.
This one has a little car.
Say, what a lot of leaks there are!
We see them come,
We see them go.
Some are fast
And some are slow….

Amen,

Fake-Rob

Karma Chameleon

2009-01-08T00:01:00.006-05:00

Dear God,

Lawmakers in Vermont are expecting a report any day now on a "vertical audit" of the systems, structures, and components of Vermont Yankee by an independent oversight panel appointed by the state legislature. Act 189 specifies that the report of the panel be delivered to the Department of Public Service no later than January 30, 2009.

The panel is looking at all sorts of systems--electrical, emergency, mechanical, primary containment, and so on. But perhaps because its focus is reliability (not safety), the panel is not required to look at the culture of the plant.

But they say they're going to do that anyway, I suppose to help us all understand how we could mess up time and again on safety issues.

What do I mean by "culture"? Well, I'm not sure—other than to say that it's a fancy word that management specialists use all of the time. I could also say that I am a big fan of the Washington Post columnist Miss Manners, and she is cultured. Also I liked Culture Club way back when.

I might also point out that, however it is we define "culture," if we let the oversight panel take too free a hand in their fact-finding about it, things could get scary pretty fast, with phrases like "incident management failure" popping up way more often than I'd like.

Oversight panels abhor a vacuum and I abhor oversight panels, so I've prepared some user-friendly information for our oversight panel on the culture at Vermont Yankee. What I've prepared is risky information for me to disclose, granted. But most of those panelists have been appointed by Democrats, so you know that unless I feed them something bloody they will just keep gnawing deeper and deeper until our veins are dangling from their teeth. Some might call the information I've prepared stupidly kamizake-ish. Others might more adroitly call it a "scoop but defuse" defense. I call it,

Miss Fake-Rob's Guide to Excrutiatingly Correct
Nuclear Power Plant Behavior
in Relation to Our Employee Gambling-Slash-Working Way Too Much Overtime Problem

DEAR MISS FAKE-ROB,

My husband works at the Vermont Yankee nuclear power plant in Vernon, Vermont. He tells me that gambling problems are rife among employees at the plant and that the pervasiveness of the gambling culture is endangering safety. Employees who have stifled their feelings about routinely risking the lives of their friends and families go on desperation-fueled gambling binges, lose big, and then need to work double shifts to cover their losses. The result: scheduling is whacky and risky. People are working in geyser-like bursts, and as a result some are in danger of being asleep at the wheel. What does etiquette demand that I do with the information my husband has given me about the culture at a facility that can reasonably be said to hold our fate in its hands?

GENTLE READER,

Miss Fake-Rob is sympathetic with your concerns about going up in flames and all of that. But you are a fuddy duddy. I wish you a boring life, and I hope your husband leaves you soon.

What do you think, Lord? I know it's not much and the gender thing ("Miss Fake-Rob") is all messed up. But gender was always messed up with Culture Club, too, and they got by just fine. Anyway, it's the best I could do, considering that January 30 is approaching fast and those panelists are going to come up with far worse if I let them. I can almost smell the stink of human flesh in their oversight-ing little mouths. And who cares if the panelists accuse us of gambling? I mean, it's not like we're gambling lives or livelihood.

Amen,

Fake-Rob

PS: I almost forgot! We've found a leaking valve gasket on a four-inch pipe in the reactor building. I've got to run out to my car and get my GUNK (a/k/a Spare Tire in a Can) so that we can "enclose the valve with a specially designed clamp and inject a sealant to stop the leak" while keeping the plant running at full power. Pray for us, Lord. PR-wise, this doesn't look good.

All Male Strip Tease

2008-12-30T09:21:00.008-05:00

Dear Lord,

You know that little marquee at the bottom of each page of this prayer blog? The one that flashes headlines regarding Entergy, Enexus, NRC, and Vermont Yankee? Well one of those headlines caught my attention. It's from Science News, and it reads,

EPA Should Test Demasculinizing Pollutants Collectively, NRC Says

When I saw it, I was like, "Whoa! Why haven't I heard about that before?" As it turns out, this story took me by surprise because "NRC" in this case is "National Research Council," not "Nuclear Regulatory Commission." Am I annoyed at the mixing up of non-nuclear headlines into my nice marquee of nuclear ones? Not at all. I see this as a God-given PR opportunity. See, demasculinizing pollutants get a lot of attention—but, to my knowledge, they have yet to be tied to Vermont Yankee or nuclear power. And that's news! That's the kind of news that makes the people of Vermont Yankee want to get up, get up, get up and dance!

And so, Lord, to make the most of this PR opportunity I have convinced a few of the great bods around here to form a little group -- The Demasculinizing Pollutants -- and do a little inspirational, feel-good dance. I give you the hotties of Vermont Yankee: Entergy CEO J. Wayne Leonard, DPS Chief David O'Brien, former Greenpeace "founder" Patrick Moore, Governor Jim Douglas, and Brattleboro Museum and Art Center Director Danny Lichtenfeld (who once testified to the Windham Regional Commission that, while he could not speak to the important safety, political, and economic concerns regarding nuclear power, he was grateful to Vermont Yankee for its corporate generosity), by which endorsement he finally gave the lie to the idea that "Entergy Can't Push Everyone Around".

Let's all give a warm round of applause to Vermont Yankee's Demasculinizing Pollutants!

Amen--and have a Happy New Year!,

Fake-Rob

Huge Madoff-Style Fraud Discovered at Vermont Yankee

2008-12-15T16:41:00.005-05:00

Dear God,

The absolute worst has happened at Vermont Yankee, and it's not a meltdown, though that's what we've spent the last 40 years fearing.

The independent panel overseeing a comprehensive vertical audit of the reliability of Vermont Yankee's systems, structures and components has discovered that, just as Bernie Madoff ran an investment management company that was actually a Ponzi scheme, Entergy has been running a nuclear power plant that is actually a non-functioning collection of plungers, Roto Rooters, and rolls of Charmin.

According to the independent oversight panel, upon receiving the keys to the plant from the Vermont Yankee Nuclear Power Corporation in July, 2002, Entergy began secretly dismantling the plant and sending its tiniest radioactive parts by courier pigeon to nuclear weapons facilities around the world. As the pigeons became irradiated, they grew larger. Now, more than six years into the fraud, the pigeons are so large that they resemble 18-wheelers, and large sections of the plant easily find their way onto I-91.

So what is at Vermont Yankee if not a nuclear power plant? Initially, all that the independent oversight panel found was battle gear that I had bought the other day. But further sleuthing on the part of the panel has revealed a pneumatic tube flooded with southward-moving greenbacks and connecting Vernon, Vermont directly to Entergy's New Orleans headquarters at 639 Loyola Ave.

While the people of Vermont have long expressed dismay at the amount of cash that leaves the Vermont economy for Louisiana and Cayman Island coffers, they were aghast to learn just how quickly the out-of-state, out-of-mind transition is. Many were therefore pleased to hear that a second pneumatic tube running directly from 639 Loyola Ave. to the Department of Public Services office in Montpelier, Vermont was also discovered. In this tube the cash flows northward.

This week the collapse of Bernie Madoff's fraud led his dupes to wonder how Madoff had fooled so many for so long. Similar questions have already arisen in the Vermont Yankee fraud. Apparently this is a large part of the answer:

First, in typical Ponzi fashion, Vermont Yankee used some small percentage of its Vermont receivables to buy power from renewable power sources and redirect it into the New England grid. Second, Vermont Yankee had installed a 100-foot-high, 1200-gallon atomizer and programmed it to randomly spay radiation-laced steam into the air above the plant, thereby increasing fence line radiation levels at Vermont Yankee and ramping up the rate of thyroid cancers throughout the Northeast in a way that caught the attention of the Centers for Disease Control and, at the same time, reassured normally skeptical anti-nukers that there was a problem requiring their busy-bee activism.

Late Sunday night, the independent oversight panel detached the large squirty thingy that activates the atomizer, and the enormous cancer threat presented by Vermont Yankee is now a thing of the past. The panel's only remaining task is to catch those damn pigeons before the pigeons catch them, at which point Vermont will be delivered from its long nuclear nightmare.

To mix metaphors (and news stories) here, when informed by the Brattleboro Reformer that the nuclear power plant he had long defended as good for Vermonters had in fact been re-designed to harm Vermonters as well as rob them blind, Governor Jim Douglas seemed to be in denial. "I’ve got this thing," Douglas said, in his best Legs Diamond style, "and it’s [expletive] golden. And I’m just not giving it up for [expletive] nothing. I’m not going to do it. And I can always use it. I can parachute me there."

Amen,

Fake-Rob

Oh, I Thought He Said "Turd War."

2008-12-13T11:58:00.001-05:00

Dear God,

Guess I'll have to sell some of this stuff on eBay. See, I was preparing to help NRC staffers fight the Atomic Safety and Licensing Board in a battle of epic proportions. I've bought catapults, plungers, rubber gloves, goggles, and Febrize. I've commandeered Roto Rooters and stockpiled Charmin. All week long the Control Room stoners have brought their human waste from home, and they'd all graciously added fiber to their diets. We would have had more fun fighting this war than we do playing video games while guards sleep.

But then Ray Shadis explained to me that he had said "turf war". NRC staffers are waging a turf war with the ASLB over the ASLB ruling that we haven't done enough analysis on the issue of metal fatigue here at the nuclear power station.

So I told the stoners, "Never mind." And so they said they never do.

Amen,

Fake-Rob

Safety Inspections Are a Bigger Deal Than I Thought

2008-12-09T13:41:00.003-05:00

Dear God,

Remind me not to go to horror movies.

Or even to watch horror webcasts.

Yesterday I stumbled upon a story in the Toledo Blade, which pointed me to a webcast of the Nuclear Regulatory Commission's Atomic Safety and Licensing Board hearing into whether and how significantly to punish the two engineers convicted of covering up vital information about the Davis-Besse nuclear plant weeks before its old reactor head nearly blew apart. Yesterday's hearing was to consider whether one engineer, David Geisen, should be allowed to resume work in the nuclear industry. He had been banned until January, 2011. On Thursday his convicted co-engineer, Andrew Siemaszko, will have his turn with the ASLB. He is seeking either acquittal or a new trial.

As I've explained to you only last month, Lord,

It was during a refueling shutdown that engineers discovered that, over the course of six years of inadequate inspections, corrosive coolant had been leaking from the core. The coolant had created a six-by-five-by-four inch cavity in the liner of the core. All that remained of the liner was a warped piece of steel a little thicker than tin foil. It and it alone contained approximately 2200 psi of highly radioactive internal environment. Had the pressure burst through the remaining lining and into the reactor containment building, it might have set in motion a core meltdown, and just 21 miles away from Toledo.

Lord, even I, who constantly put a big smiley-face on the kisser of nuclear power, cannot take this incident lightly. The webcast (which I encourage you to check out for its really cool, scary evidence, only don't waste your time with anything before, say, 15 minutes 30 seconds) included detailed explanations about what went wrong, what the engineers supposedly ignored, and, most disturbingly to me, the preposterous danger presented by evidence that could easily be (and easily was) explained away by Davis-Besse's FirstEnergy management team as indicative of minor problems that weren't minor at all. And, of course, while I watched this today, we, the management team at Vermont Yankee, are still rationalizing a few additional cracks on the steam dryer and a few pesky cooling tower problems blah blah blah. Different plants; different parts of the plant; different levels of safety concern, perhaps, but my job is to rationalize, publicly, and today rationalizing got a bad name, at least in that pesky webcast.

Some questions, Lord:

1—Apparently an engineer can get indicted and have his life and reputation shattered for downplaying the dangers of miscellaneous, "minor" problems in a nuclear reactor. Can a PR guy?

2—If so, can I get paid extra for time spent at trial?

3—Were those engineers really at fault? If so, were they the only ones at fault? David Geisen's "co-conspirator"—a Polish immigrant named Andrew Siemaszko—made an excellent case at trial that he was just the whistle blower. He had ordered maintenance for the reactor lid, but that maintenance could have cost the plant about $1 million a day in lost revenue. So it was never completed. Scaffolding was taken down less than 24 hours into the job, and without his consent. So how is any of this his fault?

4—Why didn't Sam Collins get indicted? He is our NRC administrator in charge of enforcing safety; at the time of the Davis-Besse near-disaster, he was the NRC administrator in charge of enforcing safety at Davis-Besse. Sam had the power to shut the plant down, and, according to a second Toledo Blade article, he'd seen a photo of huge rust streaks that raised his suspicion. Still, he let the plant's management team bargain with him about timing—and about people's safety. (Alarmed by the photo, Sam wanted to shut down the plant three months ahead of a planned schedule. He negotiated with the management team and agreed to shut it down only 6 weeks earlier than scheduled.)

5—Why didn't the management team in charge of the plant get indicted? They, according to yet another Toledo Blade article, had developed a "mantra" or rallying cry of "Let's win this war" when Sam initially moved to shut down the Davis-Besse plant.

God, according to (I know this is getting ridiculous) yet another Toledo Blade article, after investigating this mess the NRC Office of the Inspector General issued a report saying that the NRC had become a complacent regulator, sympathetic to a profit-over-safety mentality at Davis-Besse. Engineer Andrew Siemaszko's lawyers argued that even though he tried to initiate maintenance, he ended up the scapegoat because he has a Polish accent, was an immigrant, and, I don't know, maybe even looked the part of a guy you'd see in jail.

Lord, we've been accused of having a profit-over-safety mentality at Vermont Yankee. And I've defended our mentality time and again, and this time we're arguing sticky points like fenceline radiation levels, proximity of the dry storage casks to the river, Vermont Yankee's spent fuel plan, new cracks in the steam dryer and, most alarmingly, a high probability of the Mark I containment at Vermont Yankee rupturing when needed to protect the public in a severe accident. Vermont Yankee has acknowledged the insufficiency and installed an automatic vent. Yet that vent could itself be the path for the release of radioactive fission, and Vermont Yankee's management team has told the NRC essentially that.

In the event of an accident or near accident, I ask for your protection, Lord. Please don't let me develop a Polish accent. And please protect Sam Collins's accent, too.

Amen,

Fake-Rob

Who Would Jesus Dance With?

2008-12-04T14:47:00.006-05:00

Dear God,

Ching Ching a ling
La dah de dah
I don't know the
Lyrics to this
But it's the Christmas song that's sung in a round
And it's the one that's in tha-at film
About the people
Who loved each other
And in the end
Some of them got kissed.
Lalalalalalalalalalallalalalalalalala
Lalalalalalalalalalallalalalalalalala
Merry, Merry, Merry Christmas
Merry, Merry, Merry Christmas

Anyway. God, did you all know that the Citizens Awareness Network a/k/a Nukebusters is sponsoring an anti-nuke Christmas caroling event Friday night at 6 at Gallery Walk in Brattleboro? Carolers are supposed to gather and be prepared to sing loopy, anti-nuke versions of various traditional songs. In an unprecedented move of "across the aisle" collaboration, Clare Chang even forwarded me a copy of the carols when I asked to see them. I somehow deleted the file from my hard drive before I could even read the carols. Hence, though I indicated to her that I might pray about the carols here (thereby allowing people to memorize the songs before arriving), I can't. And how's that for a holiday show of Vermont Yankee competence?

To be perfectly clear, I think that carolers are supposed to gather near the big clock, but I have no evidence of why I think that. [Correction: Gather in Harmony Parking Lot! See "comment" from Clare Chang!]

Anyway, I've gotten to ruminating again. The anti-nukers are going to gather and sing anti-nuke Christmas carols, suggesting (thereby) that God is on their side. And so we, the pro-poison-the-children-and-river-and-everyone-near-it-nukers, would ideally convince the very same gullible crowds at Gallery Walk that God is really on our side.

I thought of gathering our entire management team to stand on the corner of High and Main and point towards the toxic cloud emitted by Vermont Yankee while singing a chorus of the Carpenter's big hit, "Close to You," but that's not really a religious song. Also, in a nightmare I once had, precisely that maneuver got the managers arrested at the Vernon Elementary School, which is conveniently located directly across the street from Vermont Yankee.

So I've decided to do without a Gallery Walk event and instead make a Christmas-themed Video Extravaganza. It's called "Who Would Jesus Dance With?", and it stars J. Wayne Leonard, David O'Brien, and Governor Jim Douglas—the entire and exclusive set of people whose energy issues make Jesus boogie.

Or so I would like everyone to believe.

Enjoy!

Amen,

Fake-Rob

CHRISTMAS-THEMED VIDEO EXTRAVAGANZA

Sam Collins, and the Art of Writing Press Releases

2008-11-19T12:46:00.006-05:00

Dear God,

The intolerance of the people of Vermont and nearby New Hampshire and Massachusetts never ceases to amaze me.

Everyone is mad because, in my press release announcing that Vermont Yankee was powering up again after refueling, I failed to mention the additional 16 cracks in the steam dryer that we found during the outage. I also decided not to mention the five degraded wooden support beams we discovered in the reactor's only safety-related cooling tower cell.

I've explained that mention of those problems would have made my press release too long. Don't these people know that press releases are one-page affairs—and that's on 8-1/2" paper, not on an endless roll of toilet stuff? Don't they know that a whole hunk of that one measly page will always be taken up by the headline and the contact information? And that then there's the date and all of the Who, What, When, and Where stuff to include? I mean there are rules to follow!

Given all of those constraints, the single hardest part of press release writing is the headline. I thought I did a good job in my release announcing our power-up after the outage. I billed the release as a list of the successes we'd had, and the copy matched the headline. I mean, the whole point of a headline is to grab attention, all the while keeping people optimistic about their chances for survival.

So to all of those Negative Nancys out there who think they know more than I do, I'm going to distribute a document that will make them eat crow, gosh darn it. The document is actually a quiz, and it's called….

Humility 101: What Makes You Think You Can Write a Press Release?

Here are some dicey situations Vermont Yankee is in. Chose from among the headlines offered, and then feel grateful that this is my job, not yours.

Situation 1. The Vermont Energy Partnership ("VEP"), of which Entergy is a prominent, high-stakes member, wants to convince legislators to relicense Vermont Yankee. What is the headline of a convincing press release?

.

Situation 2. The public is angry and wary because of chronic cooling tower problems and a consistent pattern of half-truths emerging from Entergy and the NRC. The NRC performed a special safety inspection and invited the public to a meeting at the Latchis Theatre to explain that the safety inspection had pretty much given VY a clean bill of health. As it turns out, that wasn't even half true. The NRC had found huge problems—the 16 aforementioned cracks in the steam dryer and the five aforementioned support beams that were dangerously degraded in the sole safety cell in the cooling towers. What is the headline of a face-saving press release?

Situation 3. Those activists may look ugly, but thank God, God, that they're not mean, too. Quite a few know about the role that Sam Collins, currently the NRC's Region 1 administrator in charge of enforcing safety at Vermont Yankee, played in the near disaster at the Davis-Besse nuclear power plant, which would have wrought death, destruction, and, yes, prayers about cancer to Toledo, Ohio. They know about Sam Collins's role, but they've been too kind to make a big deal out of it. You see, he's probably embarrassed, and they're being sensitive. (Background info: In late winter of 2002 the Davis-Besse plant shut down for refueling. It was during the refueling shutdown that engineers discovered that, over the course of six years of inadequate inspections, corrosive coolant had been leaking from the core. The coolant had created a six-by-five-by-four inch cavity in the liner of the core. All that remained of the liner was a warped piece of steel a little thicker than tin foil. It and it alone contained approximately 2200 psi of highly radioactive internal environment. Had the pressure burst through the remaining lining and into the reactor containment building, it might have set in motion a core meltdown, and just 21 miles away from Toledo. At that time, Sam Collins—"our" Sam Collins—was the NRC nuclear reactor regulation director for that region. He was the person at the NRC who had allowed FirstEnergy executives to talk the NRC out of issuing a shutdown order at the plant, and he did that even though at least one NRC inspector reporting to Sam had a photograph showing the Davis-Besse reactor head with streaks of suspicious looking rust. Sam was also in charge of NRC oversight of the Peach Bottom nuclear plant when, in 2007, the NRC allowed guards to continue sleeping on the job, even though a whistleblower let them know it was happening. Finally that whistleblower sent video of the sleeping guards to a local TV station.) Anyway, in the event that our local activists do eventually try to make a big deal out of the connection between Davis-Besse's and even Peach Bottom's lack of oversight and ours, the headline you write is:

I hope you can see, Lord, that writing a press release that all parties to a deal like is a wing and a prayer kind of thing.

Amen,

Fake-Rob

Safety is a Joke

2008-11-17T10:08:00.003-05:00

Dear God,

Sorry I didn't pray about this at the end of last week but I thought that if I just pulled my covers over my head for the weekend the whole problem might go away.

But here it is Monday, and the cooling towers at Vermont Yankee are still reminding me of that old Will Rogers line, "It takes a lot of money just to get beaten."

To quote the Rutland Herald of November 14:

The discovery of more degraded wooden support beams in Vermont Yankee's cooling towers — this time in the reactor's only safety dedicated cell — raised questions Thursday about how thorough a special Nuclear Regulatory Commission inspection was this summer.

Workers at the Vermont Yankee nuclear plant had to immediately replace five deteriorated major support columns in the one safety-related cell of the reactor's two cooling towers during the plant's recent refueling outage, according to the NRC.

This is a milestone, God, and the kind that makes even Democrats swear! It's the first safety-related problem to which we might be held accountable since I don't know when. Even the Department of Public Service seems to have expressed "surprise," though its spokesman Stephen Wark has presciently held back from expressing its more dreaded measure of disapproval, "disappointment."

Cooling systems are expensive, God, and ours seems to be about as worthless as unsugared Jello. For example, overhauling the cooling system at Indian Point may cost around $1 billion. The two sites aren't particularly similar. Indian Point has two reactors. Vermont Yankee has one. Etc., etc., so I don't even know where to begin ballparking Vermont Yankee's potential expenses. But in this economy, raising an enormous amount of money won't be easy.

But finances regarding the cooling tower aren't actually our biggest problem this week. Our biggest problem is a public relations one that may become a legislative one in just a few short hours. The November 14 Rutland Herald article inspired a few letters to the editor about Vermont Yankee's inability to respond to problems with "fixes" that stick. One from this morning is particularly chilling.

In 1992 the owners of Vermont Yankee acknowledged a high probability of its Mark I containment rupturing when needed to protect the public in a severe accident. The remedy: Vermont Yankee accepted a recommendation from the Nuclear Regulatory Commission and installed an automatically operated hardened vent system to prevent high pressure during an accident from destroying the containment.

But the automatic vent could itself be the path for the release of radioactive fission products. In 1998 the owners of Vermont Yankee recognized deficiencies and wrote a letter to the NRC announcing that they had closed off access to the automatic vent.

The owners implemented no other fix. The flaws in the Mark I containment Vermont Yankee acknowledged by implementing the automatic vent remain to this day. No inspection program can address this known problem. The defective containment is inherent in the obsolete design of Vermont Yankee, one of the oldest nuclear plants operating today.

As you can imagine, Lord, this is shaping up to be a particularly bad week for the PR department here, what with the legislature convening its new session at noon today and with Vermont Yankee's application for relicensing as one of the top items on its agenda.

Normally, Lord, and especially during dark times like this week, I try to include a little humor in my prayers—all in an attempt to cheer both you and me up. I've searched all but the barest corners of my brain for a blonde joke that would fit the bill here, and I haven't been able to find one. So an NRC joke will have to do. (They're becoming increasingly easy to find.)

A: How many special NRC safety inspectors can you place on the point of a needle?

A: Ten, if you make them stand on their heads.

.

Now I feel better. You?

Amen,

Fake-Rob

Crack Kills

2008-11-11T18:59:00.006-05:00

Dear God,

Coming on the heels of embarrassing news earlier this year -- first about a stoned control room operator and then about a drunk employee – is news about crack at Vermont Yankee.

Only, as I pointed out to the Rutland Herald, it's not really news. We've always had a crack problem. Unfortuntately, I'm not talking about the drug-of-choice problem from the mid 1980s, the one produced by smoking a boiled combination of powdered cocaine, water, and baking soda. That kind of crack problem has to do with the risk of death inherent in a crazed attempt to get high. Crack kills, and even if it doesn't it can make you paranoid and violent.

No, the crack problem we have at Vermont Yankee is potentially far more deadly. Though it does sound milder. Listen: "We found 16 new cracks in the steam dryer." Big deal, huh? Well, it is. Just add those 16 new cracks to the 47 cracks the dryer already had, and we now have a ringing total of 63 steam dryer cracks.

Yeah, I know. Well, if 47 cracks haven't been a problem, why should anyone believe that 63 will be? In other words, how in heaven's name could this kind of crack problem be more serious than the problem ruining the lives of hundreds of thousands of addicts as well as the lives of their children and their crime victims?

Here's the "how" of it all: Our kind of crack problem threatens the lives of hundreds of thousands of people who have not thumbed their noses at conventional wisdom and flagrantly hurt themselves and others. Our kind of crack problem threatens people who've only endangered themselves and their families by listening uncritically while I blather about Vermont Yankee being safe, clean, and reliable. Hearing my assurances, they have agreed to live or work near an aging nuclear power plant whose major parts collapse in broad daylight but that, incredibly, has been allowed by the NRC to boost its power output by 20% and chug along at that rate rather too merrily.

We have not yet had any disastrous -- or even dramatic -- consequences to that power uprate. But other plants have not been so lucky. Indeed, as of October 15, 2004, a cracked steam dryer had failed in four of ten nuclear power plants receiving uprates of 13% or more.

And when she blows, she blows.

According to Ray Shadis, NEC Technical Staff advisor, “In one reactor a piece of heavy steel nine feet long and a foot and a half wide tore loose and was blown down the steam line at supersonic speed.” According to the Rutland Herald, after an uprate "at the Dresden reactor in Illinois, the vibration from additional power generation caused pieces of the steam dryer to come loose, and lodge in safety-related equipment."

Hmmm. One event sounds dreadful, the other sounds like the stuff of a lullabye. I wonder if those are two descriptions of the same accident? If so, it's a textbook example of the power of subtle phrasing. "Lodged in safety-related equipment." Well, that's something an eyelash could do, and what harm would that bring? Let's go live near that power plant!

And so today, appreciating anew the power of tact, in announcing the discovery of the 16 new cracks I did not iterate for the media the many safety problems that uprates have caused in the steam dryers of nuclear power plants across the nation. Rather, I delicately suggested that our 16 steam dryer cracks are not new harbingers of catastrophe to come. They're old, tired harbingers that can safely be ignored. Because, actually, these 16 cracks may have been with us all along. We've only noticed them now that our inspection equipment is better.

Which is to say that, as Vermont Yankee's inspection technology improves, we shouldn't rush to do anything about the information we glean. Instead we should assume that any discovery that makes our uprate or continued operation seem dangerous is only an artifact of Entergy Nuclear/Vermont Yankee's rising commitment to state-of-the-art measurement tools -- and of our incredible honesty and transparency.

Hey, Lord! Did you hear inspirational music swelling as I typed that last sentence? Heavens, I like that sentence!

I think I may even like it more than than the "higher fenceline radiation levels are really a measure of lower fenceline radiation levels" argument we put out just a few weeks ago. Over the years at Vermont Yankee, we've really learned to uprate the PR.

Thanks for hearing me out, Lord, like you always do.

Amen,

Fake-Rob

Chic Alors!

2008-11-06T15:18:00.004-05:00

Dear God,

I am so darn mad. I've been hoodwinked! I got a phone call this afternoon from someone who identified himself as President Sarkozy of France. And in the phone call I agreed to think about energy in a whole knew way. "Monsieur Le President" had listened to a story on NPR this morning as he drove to his day job as an instructor of ridiculous French accents, and that story is what he wanted to talk to me about.

The story was about Duke Energy, a major power utility based in Charlotte, North Carolina. Duke has been hoping to build more coal-fired and nuclear plants in order to meet the ever-growing needs of its power customers. The news is that Duke may have identified a way to meet those needs in a way that is safe, clean, and reliable..

Which is to say that Duke now sees rooftops as future power plants. In a test, Duke is installing solar panels on hundreds of customers' roofs. Duke owns and operates the solar panels, and they pay the customers for the use of their roofs. The solar panels feed into the grid, and the customers derive electrical energy from the grid just as they always have. In other words, Duke pays them rent on their roof-top real estate, and they pay Duke for the power! In the end, energy might not be cheaper for the customers than it has been. But the energy produced this way is entirely green and non-polluting.

Well, Vermont Yankee is not really a power utility in the way that Duke Energy is. VY is just a nuclear power plant. But I'm intrigued (or "ahntreegay" as Monsieur Le President taught me to say this morning) by the idea of exploiting real estate on roofs. And so I've written up--and already sent out--a memo suggesting a roof idea. I'm suggesting that we store high-level radioactive waste on rooftops throughout Windham County. Because, hey, the customers could use the rent money we'd pay. And (also, hey) we've had a few big concerns regarding the dry casks holding our waste on site. Putting the casks on roofs will address all of those concerns.

One concern has been that the cannisters contribute to the rise in the amount of radiation at the fence line.
A second is that their air vents could get clogged by river mud in a flood, and they could overheat and then who knows what would happen.
A third is that they're an incredible terrorist target.

Well, terrorists can hardly fly a single plane into many houses sprinkled throughout Windham County, can they? See, we'd be spreading the danger (and that idea would meet instant, widespread approval, given Barack Obama's success at the idea of "spreading the wealth." It's a coattail effect I'm talking about here, PR-wise.) Furthermore, putting dry cask storage on roof tops of homes would remove the casks entirely from the muddy flood plain. And finally, putting the dry cask containers on roofs would diminish fenceline radiation at Vermont Yankee. Why everyone is so darned concerned about the health of that fence, I'll never understand.

Anyway, Lord, I think I made an idiot out of myself falling for the prank phone call, but I also think that the ideas that resulted from the phone call are good. The universe is still looking out for me, n'est-ce pas?

Just kidding. :) I know it's been you looking out for me all along.

Amen,

Fake-Rob

D'ja Vote Yet?

2008-11-04T09:55:00.005-05:00

Dear God,

Some people wearing radiation suits went to the Public Service Board in Montepelier to vote early. Those lines on Monday must have been long!—because apparently some of the early voters lost control of their bladders and left urine-soaked stinky stuff all over the floor. And I didn't even know the PSB office was a polling place.

Hey, where were those Obama Comfort Teams when you need one?

Amen,

Fake-Rob

Eye of Newt

2008-10-31T09:49:00.007-04:00

Dear God,

Happy Halloween! What are you going to be?

Ok, ok. I know. It's all about moi. What am I going to be? Get this: Tongue of Dog. Remember?

Eye of newt, and toe of frog,
Wool of bat, and tongue of dog,

Ewwww, right? Anyway, Tongue of Dog is my favorite part of the Second Witch's incantation in MacBeth because it reminds me of the happy, stupid grin my dog Eisenhower used to get when he would think that all was well and then drool all over my nice clothes, without a thought for my mother's rules or for the hassle it would be for me to clean up his mess.

I'm feeling happy and stupid.

"Happy" because this week's fire at the Pilgrim Nuclear Station was doused without injuries or release of radioactivity. Reminds me of the good luck we had with the Vermont Yankee transformer fire in 2004.
"Happy" because I don't live in Europe, where eight nuclear incidents reported since May 24, including the inadvertent contamination of 100 workers and an off-site release of radioactive uranium in France, have reminded the public again and again that nuclear power is a source of routine and accidental radioactive pollution.
"Happy" because Entergy is delaying spinning Vermont Yankee and its other unregulated assets into Enexus, and that whole idea was a public relations fiasco to begin with.
"Happy" because Entergy has finally offered to add $60 million to the decommissioning fund (even if $60 million is only about 1/8 of what the fund was lacking before the stock market crashed, and even if Entergy won't add that money until 2026).
"Happy" because Entergy has announced that it won't begin decommissioning for another 60 years even if Vermont Yankee's license is not renewed. This is good because, when Entergy's most staunch supporters realize that decommissioning costs hundreds of millions of dollars more than Entergy ever let on, I will be long gone from this job, and spinning a positive from a howler of a negative will be someone else's problem.
"Happy" because the special legislative panel that is pressing the Department of Health over its unilateral decision to change the way it measures radiation being emitted by the Vermont Yankee nuclear plant adjourned Thursday and won't announce a decision until next month.

Which leaves me free to celebrate Halloween--and feel the "stupid" part of "happy and stupid." Which is to confess, Lord, that I may have forgotten already. What are you going to be?

Amen,

Tongue of Dog